Just been reading an email from a friend who was in a discussion about me and my blog.
Apparently, I gug cannot be a Ugandan. Because I am gay.
Preposterous. Some believe that I am getting billions to be gay. Others believe I cannot be Ugandan, because I am gay. Some accuse me of 'recruiting' their children to the gay way. Others say my blog is based on my 'feelings'. Somehow, they seek to deny me, what I am. Because what I am is very unconfortable for them.
So, they have written a bill to put me in prison for life, or kill me. And, when the world protests, they, as good religious people label the world 'promoters of homosexuality'. All the religious leaders from accross the world who have protested in my name have been labeled homosexuals, or homosexual promoters. There is no stopping the juggernaut of the Ugandan fight against homosexuality.
There is a shift. They, the good, nationalist, upright and moral Ugandans believe that it is not okay to kill me now. As Minister Buturo puts it 'Killing them may not be helpful'
Now, I am hearing voices raised for 'reparative' therapy.
They no longer believe it is okay to deal with the homosexual Ugandan by killing him off. That would be too much. And, it would make them less loving and Christian, they reason. So, they will opt for life imprisonment. And counselling. Indeed, 'killing them may not be helpful.'
It sounds like a big bad dream. A nightmare from which I will wake, some day.
But, will I?
These people are really determined. They dont know much about me. They shun any information about me. They deny what I am, and say they will kill me. All in the name of God.
They, they, they.... They are my countrymates. And, the threat is to me, and my lover. Because we are what we are. Gay, and Ugandan. Diluting their moral purity.
They have not actually consulted medical science about their 'healing therapy'. But, they speak with the supreme confidence of ignorance. Anyone who dares to correct their misconceptions, even with solid science is a liar, and a pro-homosexual sympathiser. There is no middle ground. Either for or against. No middle ground.
What to do in the face of such hate and bile?
It is depressing. Very depressing.
Telling my story helps. It draws out of me the bitterness. It makes me see hope, try to arrange my thoughts, try to make sense of the gay panic that has gripped Uganda. It is a collective hysteria. I cannot be right, because I am wrong. The humor of the moment, the zest, the challenge to fight for my life becomes wearing. Because it is my people that I am fighting. I can be ruthless, but how far do I take the ruthlessness? They are still my people, even when they want me to die because they dont understand me.
They fear and abhor me, because they dont understand me. I am right in the middle of them, and they deny me to my face. They .....
A friend suggested that we should all declare ourselves ex-gay, once the law is passed. I refused. Unequivocally. I have denied who I am before. I am not going to do that again.
Forced conversion therapy.
We become ex-gay, when the bill becomes law. Because we cannot be gay, and Ugandan. Or, they will decide that we have to get mandantory counselling, once we they catch us. Of course, that may be in prison....
Why do Ugandans hate what I am so much?
One of my brothers, he invited family to his home to celebrate Christmas. He didnt invite me. My partner and I went to see my mom and she asked whether we would be at the family gathering. I was with my lover. Oh, mom definately knows about us. Nine years now, remember?
Anyway, mom asks whether we would be at my brother's.
Pregnant silence. I try to say, diplomatically, that we had other plans.
My lover is more forthright. He butts in, forcefully. We didnt know about it. We were not invited.
Mum looks down. Lover looks me in the eye... he knows I dont usually want to stir up that particular stew. And, it is my brother that we are talking about. I shrug.
Maybe, maybe I do have brothers who would report me to the police because they know I am homosexual. Maybe. Like MP Bahati who would arrest his own brother and report him?
Dont think so. As I said, the bond of brother to brother is strong. But it was tough to know that I was to be shunned because I am gay. Me and my partner are, hey!
Enough ruminations about my woes.
Seems the clouds and rain over the last two-three days are kind of lifting. Afternoon is cool, restive, gentle breezes dancing in the trees. Was reading some poetry on the roadside, listening to birds sing, and feeling the sun on my skin.
This little country, this little piece of the world is really beautiful. Truly beautiful.
Fact is, it is us humans who murk up the ruthless beauty of earth.
Have a very lovely day. Hope you are enjoying the Christmas holidays.