Led an emotional remembrance for David Kato.
Fact is, have not yet gotten over it. One thing to know that I can, and how I can do it, but another thing to actually go through the steps, without the help my pride will not allow me to get....!
Ok, I know, I am sure, time will do the healing. But, it still hurts, a raw wound. It is less than a month since he died. So, maybe I should forgive myself for feeling all teary? And, yes, I should not be ashamed that people did see me at that moment of weakness.
But, some light things.....
DJ Miles of the BBC. Have you watched the ''Worst place to be gay?'?
If you havent, do...!
I live in this place of course. But, to hear of another's reactions to living in Uganda is interesting, to say the least. Some of these things I take for granted. For example, Exorcisms?
We gay people in Uganda have no relief from that. The gay 'spirit', the church, and the witchdoctors seek to throw them out of us. And, the churches also seek to throw them out of us. I know Victor Mukasa tells a story of his exorcism.....
Sigh, our search for spirituality as gay leads to lots of interesting things. Here is DJ Mills account.
DJ Scott Mills told last night how he was battered with CHICKENS by an African witch doctor trying to "cure" him of being gay.
The Radio 1 star, 36, endured the demeaning "treatment" for a film about Uganda's appalling attitude to homosexuals.
Stripped to the waist, Scott also suffered the humiliation of the witch doctor spitting on him.
And the ritual ended with water being poured over a flaming torch and on to his head.
It was just part of a catalogue of dicey situations the openly-gay DJ found himself in for tonight's BBC3 film, The World's Worst Place To Be Gay?
Victor says his exorcism included sex. Sex with the wrong gender person. To make sure that the spirits would not return, of course. Though, there was a twist. It was actually done in church, by church people. Sigh...... there is liberalism in some conservative places.
And, the spitting? LOL! Does Pastor Dr Martin 'eat da poo poo' Ssempa still spit when he talks of homosexuals? It is a supreme act of contempt, of rejection. He used to do it regularly, expressing his derision of us. He even did it on tv a few times.... LOL, Martin, if you want, I bet we can get some of those clips. The spitting.
Here is DJ Miles again.
"They have these witch doctors who claim they can cure people. I went to see one and I knew they were just fleecing people for money.
"He'd say weird things like, 'You're very sick, so you need to go and buy a cow then we'll transport your spirit into the cow'.
"But I said, 'You'll end up with a gay cow'."
It was then that the witch doctor performed the chicken ritual to "cure" Scott.
See? This sceptic concludes, faith people are too tough to trust. Whether they are in the churches, or the traditional doctors shrine. They all want to sell you something. A belief which will not square with your experience of yourself.
Of my favourite bar, here is what DJ Miles experienced.
Scott also visited an underground nightclub where he mixed with gay people - who could at any time be rounded up and beaten or even killed by anti-gay cops.
He said: "The owners turned a blind eye to gay people coming in on a Sunday as otherwise they would be empty - as all the straight people are at church.
"But I didn't feel comfortable in the club. There was a strange air of tension in there.
"They're taking their safety into their own hands. I didn't like it at all."
I kind of understand Miles. He was coming from a place where it is free to get into a club where all know it is gay. Well, this was Uganda. We have grown up in the tension. It is part of the place, so, if you experience it, you will find us kind of bewildered..... We don't notice it.... not any longer. Of course, we are aware that we have to 'tone' down a bit. And, did you notice that.... oh, cant spill some secrets, can I?
But, maybe it is the hate which he sees, which is so prevalent....
I saw a clip where Miles stops a girl on the streets of Kampala and asks what the government should do with homosexuals. Hang them, of course.... Now, to a person who is gay and is forced to confront this kind of blind hate for the first time, that must have been a shock.
Demos where children are taught to hate us? That is normal Ugandan experience. Ok, kuchu experience. Think of a child who grows up in that environment and finds themselves kuchu?... That is something. We have done, and, we have the scars to show of it. See?
The hate speech in churches. For some reason, it is concerning me more and more. Because I have gotten through it, I feel I am ok. But, most of my friends are not. They are dogged by their spirituality. And, much like me, we will not express that need very coherently. I think I have something to do about it. Maybe meet Reverand Jide Macaulay of Nigeria? God's Holy Homosexual.
Well, it must have been an interesting documentary. I have not seen it. But, I do relate.
I have to be balanced? Yes, maybe. So, a harsher assesment of Miles documentary....
It was Valentine’s Day, so where else would young(ish), free and out-and-proud Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills be but Uganda?LOL, I get your anger, but, I also am a Ugandan kuchu. That anger fuels us, and ultimately, we find that the fluffyiness works, because laughter relieves the tension of chronic anger.
The Uganda that’s in the grip of such ferocious homophobic fervour that gay rights activists are getting murdered and consensual gay sex is a criminal offence? Not what you’d call an ideal place for a hot date.
So what was he trying to prove? That Uganda really was The World’s Worst Place To Be Gay? (BBC3)?
No one was arguing too much with that question mark as Mills went vox popping in the streets of Kampala and encountered, to his obvious horror, the unanimous opinion that gays should be killed because, to quote one, ‘in Christ it’s not acceptable’.
What really shook Mills was the fact these were the words of Uganda’s youth, fed a diet of discrimination by evangelical pastors whose bigotry rested on the platform of religion.
To try to get to the crux of this, Mills sought out a selection of Bible-wielding hate-mongers but his encounters were lightweight and frustrating.
He shook his head in bewilderment at the words he was hearing, even admitting to being ‘charmed’ by those spouting them, when you wanted him to channel the anger he was clearly feeling and let rip. We needed a hard-nosed reporter but we got a fluffy prime time DJ.
Thanks Miles. You don't know it, but you have put words to somethings that I, having grown up here, and known what you see as my 'normal' life, I don't know how to put in words.
But, that will not stop me from seeking something that I know I deserve because I am human. A freedom, that belongs to me because I can give it to me.