Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A Mother's Anguish: Tale of Three Mothers

I was impressed by this lady’s reaction to the knowledge of her son's homosexuality. She took some time to understand the boy, but she did. She watched his struggle. She understood the challenges of being different in a homophobic society brought. She understood the inner struggles and related to the pain of growing up. And she still understands him, now that he is an adult. And she dares to challenge the unthinking hatred of those who believe that her son's homosexuality is a challenge to their state of wellbeing. His sexuality did not change her sexuality. The challenge was the understanding that it was not her under siege, but the son who needed to be understood and respected. And loved because that was him. That story is here.

But this mother was different. She did not understand her son. She did not even make an attempt to. He is her only son, but when he came out as a homosexual, after years of hiding the fact, she rejected him. She disowned him and threatens to sue anyone who refers to him as her son. To her, the difference in his sexual orientation defined the whole of him. This is the mother of the Indian Prince I wrote about here. And the link to the article in the paper.

There is another mother on my mind. My mom.

She doesn’t know that I am gay. She doesn’t know that I am a homosexual.

My lover has come out to his mum. She was ok with it, and she knows that I am his partner. My mum is another matter.

Do I love her? Yes, I do. Does she love me? Yes she does.

Then why don't I tell her? There may come a time when she will have to know. I am too out, too comfortable with my sexuality. Too many people know me as a gay man with my partner. And in Uganda, such an outing is news worth enough to hit the headlines in some of the dreaded tabloids.

But it boils down to this; will she react like Mom One or Mom Two?

I have thrown enough hints. I have prepared the ground as thoroughly as I can, but whenever I come to the point of telling her, I fear to lose her love.

She is a religious person. And I cannot help thinking that her church is constantly harping at how sinful I must be to be a homosexual. The Anglican crowd is splitting because of that. The cardinal is of the same mind. The Moslems think I should be stoned. The government is adamant. I don’t know about the traditional healers view of this, but then, they are re-known for being on the fringes of society. It may not matter much.

I will tell Mama. I need to tell her. But for the time being, I will enjoy the love that we can share. Funny, I am almost sure of how Daddy will react. Most likely disavowal and disinheritance. Being sure of that means I will not tell him if I can help it. He does love me, so I may be mistaken.

GayUganda

1 comment:

Bruce said...

Of course, since you have read my blog on this subject, you know that support your taking your time on this matter. Also, since you are pretty sure you can't come out to both your parents, and coming out to your mother will involve her keeping it a secret from your father, that complicates the matter even further. Do you really want to complicate the relationship between two people you love by forcing one to keep a very important secret from the other?

Also, if you have time, check my blog for a new posting on gays in Africa, South Asia, and the Middle East. I would really appreciate your reaction.

Best wishes

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