Monday, January 8, 2007

I am what I am

An interesting concept. I am what I am. I do not have to apologize for it. I do not have to tell someone sorry, I am different.
I do not have to believe what you believe. I do not have to have your prejudices. Because I am a different entity from what you are. A complete human being. Because I am gay, a homosexual living in Uganda, I have had to live a sort of apologetic lifestyle. I have to hide myself from the people that are closest to me. Hide the fact that I am what I am because of the fear that I will be held to account for what I am.
What has set off this train of thought was a unique occurrence. I have just come back from a party. A gay party. A party where homosexuals living in Uganda, and Kampala were specifically invited to meet other guys. It was organised by gay guys who are positive, living with HIV.
They have to hide their identities because of the simple fact of a heavy double stigma. They have to hide from their communities the fact that they are gay, and they have to hide from their fellow gay guys the fact that they are positive to HIV.
What a hard time that they have.
At the same time, why do we have to go through this kind of thing?
We are what we are. There is no end to the apologies that we have to give to the world for being homosexuals. So, why go ahead and give them. I read this story of Helen Degeneres. Of how she came to coming out on her show. How she faced the fact that her sexual orientation was not just a matter of personal concern. But that it was something that mattered to her enough to come out and say, hell, I am gay, and that is part of my identity. I also remembered the story of Dick Cheney’s daughter, how, after being outed by Edwards the presidential candidate, she felt like crawling into her shell, and the only call that she wanted to answer was one from Degeneres. Coming out to ourselves creates a bond. A strength. I do not have to go to Archbishop Orombi and say I am sorry that I am gay. I do not have to go to Akinola and apologise. I just have to know that, this is what I am. If I believe in god, then this is what he made me to be. I will not change it, I will not duck it.
Some believe that because I am gay, I should accept that and stay celibate because I may commit a sin. But don’t I commit a bigger sin in not accepting what god made me to be? Twisted logic. But I am what I am. Sorry for borrowing that from the bible, scripture to some?No, because I am what I am.
And I am happy being what I am. And I will not get to the point of apologising for what I am. I am simply what I am.
Accept me, reject me, I am what I am.


1 comment:

gayuganda said...

I just came across this Mothers heartfelt comments on what it means to have a child grow up with the pressure of a decidedly homophobic community. Gosh. I relate.
What do we have in common? I am an African in Africa. She is American.
We are human beings!

Mother's comments

Post a Comment