Thursday, May 18, 2017

This Gay Life

Its always tough.

Imagine, meeting someone that you synch with. For the moment or forever. You going back home, in a place that is safe for you, and for him. And you making love.

And, your neighbours, who have 'long suspected' that you are gay, breaking down the door, so that they can catch you making love. So that you can be shamed, and punished, for making love to another, your lover.

And your community going gaga about it. And you being paraded, and shamed, and brought to court, and convicted...., of lashes. Caned in public. All for the sin of loving another human being.

That is what this couple in Aceh, Indonesia are guilty of, and will be punished for. 
The couple was arrested in late March after neighborhood vigilantes in the provincial capital, Banda Aceh, suspected them of being gay and broke into their rented room to catch them having sex. Cellphone video that circulated online and formed part of the evidence shows one of the men naked and visibly distressed as he apparently calls for help on his cellphone. The second man is repeatedly pushed by another man who is preventing the couple from leaving the room.
the men, aged 20 and 23, would each receive 85 lashes for having sexual relations. One of the men wept as his sentence was read out and pleaded for leniency.

It is ridiculous and tear jerking. In that hole, you wonder whether it could have been okay to know that you are gay, and different, that you love others, men, not women. Not that you want to rape them. But, you want to hold them in your hands, and tell them that they are beautiful, and want to touch, skin to skin, and breath in their breath, and touch their tongue with your tongue, and go into that total consummation of love, that is sex and the orgasm.

Is a moment when you can doubt yourself, doubt all that you are.

photo courtesy Hotli Simanjuntak/EPA

But that is what your people, your neighbors, family, people that you love, are condemning you to.

Isnt it unreasonable that we can hate ourselves, and think that we are liars and worse than that, that instead of coming out and braving the ostracism and castout status, we would hide and live a life of lies?

That is this gay life. Completely personal and ruthless in its ability to sway us and convince us of our simple stupidity.
The verdict will increase fear among LGBT [lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender] people not only in Aceh but also in many other, especially conservative provinces . . . in Indonesia,” said the organisation’s Andreas Harsono.

Is a brave person that stands up and says, no. We are not that. That we can beat that. And, more than that, we can shorten and beat all that the world throws at us.

Because, we too, are human beings.

This gay life can be tough and rough, not least of all because those who matter to us most are the ones who can reject us more than the others.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017


Sometimes they are incomprehensible. Sometimes they are no more than numbers which those seeking to impress others throw out like 'pearls to pigs'?!!!
They do have meaning. Lots of meaning.

The LA times distills this report written for the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Assn. Its big, a pdf, and, well, sometimes we the lazy, or with the great excuse of information overload in this day and age can just scan...., so, the LAtimes summary does for us what we need...!

Here are the stats quoted on the website.

122:  The number of countries that allow homosexual acts between consenting adults
72:  The number of countries that outlaw it (same sex intercourse). 
25:  The number of countries where it is forbidden to form, establish or register a nongovernmental organization that focus on issues related to sexual orientation or LGBTQ rights. Almost two dozen other countries have laws aimed at curtailing public expression and promotion of being LGBTQ through social media or other means.

23:  The number of countries that allow same-sex marriage
26:  The number of countries that allow same-sex couples to adopt children that are not biological offspring of one of the partners.

9:  The number of countries, that specifically mention sexual orientation in their constitution as grounds for protection against discrimination.  

Definite case of the glass being half full.

 where we are coming from..., the whole world was a place that we hadnt thought livable. Now, due to the sacrifices, sweat and toil of many, queer and not so, we are at this point in time. With distinct gains to point at, but also some horrifying statistics and stories, like the gay pogrom in Chechnya now current.

So, what do we make of this?

As queer Ugandans say, Aluta Continua. The struggle indeed goes on. And, it is an interesting one to be part of.

Indeed, freedom is precious, especially to those aware of the price it demands.
Yet bondage, mental or physical, real or implied, a cage of the mind or for the body, is so onerous a condition that we indeed fight on, for nothing other than to be accepted as queer human beings.


Monday, May 15, 2017

Reminder to One's Self

I write because I love to do it.

To vent, to shout, to toss of some restless energy that is within me, demanding that somehow, somewhere, I can pour it off somehow. And that, in the big, hollow all-sucking black hole that is the cyber space, it might sink or float, whatever the case maybe.

Yes, of course I do want it to float, because sometimes the things that I write about matter a lot, life or death issues, but the therapeutic effect of the writing to me is part of why I write. And even when it sinks into the very void of the black hole, I, at least have unburdened myself. At least a little bit.

And, with time, I can also learn to do much more than write. Because writing demands of us a bit more. Having a temper and burning anger to write also demands that you pose answers as well as the questions, presenting a point of view, radical or conservative, but some answers to the questions that I ask of others and the wild, wide world that I live in. Because, I am a human being. More or less, I am that.

I also write to keep my hand in the morass and pie that is our world. Sometimes we forget, we all live in a cocoon. And, in the pursuit of life and livelihood, we miss the wider world out there. So, I look things up, and get amazed, or happy, or angered and cold. But, I break out of the cocoon of my existence, and open my eyes to the wide world around me.

That in itself is a great incentive. To break through the walls of the tunnel that I have all around me, the necessities, the urgent, breaking bad things. And also the need to rest and be confortable, the ability to get past my 'confort zone' to a place of unreliable, swinging winds. That, that's also why I write.

And, to deny myself of this positive pleasure on the excuse of being too busy, or too sick, or too old, or too bushed....., that is an excuse that I have leaned upon too much.

The reed is broken. It stabbed me in the hand, and the wound is weeping for now.
But, that is nothing for me to cry home about. That wound will heal. And, more than just healing, the scar will be a reminder of the many things that complacency can drag us down into.

As my people, queer Africans and queer Ugandans say,

Aluta Continua.


Thursday, March 16, 2017

Writers Block and the Same old Ignorance

Writers Block.

And the cure is not to stare at the white sheet. Why did they have to make the sheet paper white? Why not come up with a sexier, trendier, more acceptable choice...., lol. Maybe I have a chance to change it? Haven't checked.

Just been reminded that gay rights are fragile. In Trump's America, of course that is quiet likely to be the norm...., even after marriage equality. So, the fight continues... Nay, we havent had the kind of clout to make us 'normalised', so, not a resistance, but guerilla warfare.

Conservative Uganda.....!!!

Just came across an article that gave me a huge belly laugh. See, this (once homophobic) Ugandan singer was recording a new video, and he was caught in the act having lip balm being applied to him.
In most other countries, one would look at this photo and think, lol, the dude is a hunk., isnt he?

Not in Uganda.
Comments included..., "i really wonder what kind man u r" and "u gay lipstick .... REALLY?" and "... in all the pics u could post u choose this one..., acting like a gay!!!"



To my angered ugandan countrymates, male and female...., that is lip balm.... LOL. And, in most places it is not worthy commenting. Hey, makeup is applied during video shoots!!! And of course quite a lot of emancipated men apply lip balm without thinking it an attack on their masculinity. Seriously??!!!

But of course underlying that perception of disgust is the prejudice against homosexuality. It manifests in many petty things, and of course encases brains in resistant ignorance. Impenetrable.

So, I know am not going to teach anyone who is teachable here, but, I will laugh well.

Ugandans are the typical ignoramus, in things in anyway coming to link to my sexuality (and I am a gay Ugandan). Just the typical, ignorant and sadly unreachable homophobe.

And you know the challenge? We must reach them, win them over, hearts and minds, as Gay Ugandans and Queer africans.

Way to go!!!


Monday, March 13, 2017

Queer is Normal; Get over it.


Long time, I know.

Finding it tough to keep up......, but, when it is a long journey, taking a breather is okay. You rest, by the side of the road. You look at the cars zooming by, you wonder what it would be like if you were in one of the other vehicles. You toy with the idea of giving up..., and then you dont. You then get up and walk. Again. Or limp. Or crawl.

But, yeah, you do.

I am gay...., a Queer African. But, on the surface, you wouldnt know it if you met me on the streets of Kampala. I am as smart, or scruffy, as the streets I move on. Indistinguishable from the rest of my countrymates on the continent. Of course, in some places, my skin might be a bit lighter, or darker...., but that is no marker of my sexuality.

So, why the hell do judges of the world continue asking us to 'prove' that we are gay? I mean, I like sex as much as the next man, and get me one in the right circumstances, am quite ready to prove it...., if you know what I mean.

But, but....

How do I prove that to some people out there, some stranger who has never known what it is to be who and what I am...? Granted, coming out is a problem, but, can you imagine being deported from a country and it becomes known, in a country like Uganda that you had actually said that you were gay?

Anyway, this Ugandan is facing that challenge. He failed, of course. And after failing, today he might be on the plane back.

Tut tut tut...., how do straight people prove that they are straight? Just a question.

Here is some 'good' advice in a newspaper in Kenya. I say good, because, Kenya is known for its 'tolerant' attitude to homosexuality..., but that is because Uganda and Tanzania are neighbours. The advice is kind of mild..., at least there is advocacy not to beat the gay out of us...., but, the level of ignorance of human sexuality is really bad.
"In February this year, a school at the Coast was in the headlines when 12 of its students were sent home for lesbianism. The school principal was quoted saying she had asked the girls to fetch their parents in order to enable them receive joint counselling. 
In essence the 'counselling' involved severe beating from the parents and teachers, to prevent them from becoming psychollogically affected (by their lesbian behaviour). This mindset is understandable because in Africa, unlike the West, homosexuality is viewed as a mental illness."
Now, that is the more 'liberal' part of Africa.

These kids. Were they even gay? Or where they just kids experimenting? But, the kind school principal outed them to their parents, labelled them, and as the newspaper indicated, more likely than not they would get a great hiding...., according to the parents...., and they would of course be scarred for life.

The rest of the counselling is predictable.. Homosexuality is a disease...., instead of kids being led thru some confusion, they are pushed into closets or cut off from family. Stigmatised.

And nothing can become more cutting than the rejection of our big families. For, to many Africans, family is everything.

Or, there is always the shadow of 'therapy', from the traditional or 'Christian/Moslem' healers...., or quack conventional practitioners. 

We are normal, we queer Africans.

And, that is the greatest struggle that we have to fight. The knowledge that, after all that we have faced, we are still normal human beings.

We queer Africans are normal. Now, who in Africa dares think so?


Tuesday, February 21, 2017

All the Haters.....

We are Queer, and we are Africans....

And, lots of our brethren are haters. Pure, haters.... And, that is quite mild.
So, you know that FIFA has this 'non-discrimination' article in its constitution. FIFA as in the international soccer federation. The corrupt guys....
And, dear Zambia had to sign and say they wouldnt discriminate against GayZambians in soccer, football as we call it on the continent. And, believe it or not, the 'church' is mad about that. 
Former FAZ executive committee member Masha Chilemena told AFP: “Zambia is a Christian nation and any instructions from FIFA which will conflict with Christianity are not welcome.” 
He insisted that the association “cannot go against what is stipulated in the law of the land” and that if FIFA were to take action against FAZ over the issue then “we will play in the local league”. 
International Federation of Christian Churches president Simon Chihana also told AFP that the draft constitution was “inviting the wrath of God” and warned that it would “bring the happenings of Sodom and Gomorrah here”

What can I say but that they are 'haters' as defined by the Generation X...!!

But, that is okay..., because there are others where they cannot be answered, except with frowns of incredulity.

This is in Tanzania. And, the haters happen to be the Ministry of Health. And, against gay Tanzanians. The private health centers where they could receive HIV treatment have been stopped from providing HIV services. Because they 'promote homosexuality'
On Thursday, the government announced it was stopping many private health centers from providing AIDS-related services, accusing them of providing services to homosexuals. 
"We have suspended the provision of HIV and AIDS services at at least 40 drop-in centers operated by NGOs countrywide, after it was established that the centers were promoting homosexuality, which is against Tanzania's laws," Health Minister Ummy Mwalimu said in a press conference. 
Last year, Mwalimu said it was estimated that 23 percent of men who have sex with men in Tanzania were living with HIV/AIDS. 

So, aren't they haters? Of course they are.

I dont mince words to people who use their powers to try make sure that gay people dont get HIV treatment.

So, to all the haters...

But, they are hurting my people. Queer Africans like me.

I cry.


Monday, February 20, 2017

Being a Leader

For some reason, this morning, when I opened my twitter feed, I shied away from it.

Yeah, there are days like that. I like twitter, because it feeds news of home, friends and far in an instant..., only 140 characters, and I can ignore that which I need ignore, and embrace or read more that which I dont. Of course, I need become an expert on judging fake news..... Sigh. Are there really gangs of immigrants running amok in the streets of Paris? Apparently the mainstream media is ignoring that juicy tidbit.

Today it was a sick feed. I think what bothered me most was reports of MPs of Uganda budgeting for a helicopter for the Speaker of parliament. Of course, when it comes to the famine in the north of the country, and starving citizens, those are conveniently not on the budget. The same MPs have increased their salaries, given themselves huge bonuses, and cars at the tax payers expense, and have a problem with taxes on their earnings.....

Sigh. In a country of the poor, making sure that only the rich get into the parliament or whoever becomes an MP automatically becomes a billionaire......

anyway, that is life. And it aint fun.

Ugandans who were not MPs were having fun on twitter. The kind of sick jokes that attend such public madness. How can leaders justify that kind of thing? Sincerely?!!!

I mean, the dear Minister of Education, the First Lady of the Republic of Uganda was in parliament last week, saying there was no funding for school going girls to get sanitary pads. But, there are billions budgeted for the Speakers Helicopter..., after the amounts so far spent on the speaker.
Government has backtracked on its earlier pledge to provide sanitary pads to school going girls so that they do no run out of school when their menstrual periods start.

Sigh. And the speaker of the republic at this particular moment is a woman.

Anyway, beware of having rich people making all the decisions....., lesson for Ugandans...., and for as far away as the US.....!!!

But, there was this beautiful letter from Wentworth Miller that he presented I believe last year.
He was talking about his life, how he tried to commit suicide when he was 15. The attempt failed. He told no one, was back to school after the weekend.

And what had brought such to this incredible man, the character from Prison Break series?

He was a mixed race child, and gay. Bullied at school. And he was in survival mode.

Here is the video.

And, listening to him, as he comes out hesistantly to speak of the pain that his life has been, and the knowledge that he has been able to beat it and be who he is.....

Thanks, Wentworth Miller, for being a very human, human being.

You give us some faith in the human race.