Recurrent theme in questions to me.
while watching CNN this morning i saw the back story coverage of the rolling stone outing. they interviewed you anonymously but that was a silly move coz anybody who knows you can tell that its you and they did show your lower face.
The CNN interview. It was supposed to be anonymous. Unfortunately, it was not as anonymous as I wanted. No, I was not ready, just yet, for my mug to be associated with this blog..... !
But, (touch wood), done is done. Yes, I have learnt to take life as it is thrown at me. I am gay, a Ugandan, in Uganda. Sometimes, many times I affirm that. It is a reminder to myself that I have gone through the fire, and I am still alive. I have come out kicking, alive to write another word. And, since that is still happening, I will not rail at life's unfairness.
Another thing which I am considering a lot is the fact that I am fairly out. Very out, relative to most Ugandans. That is why I kind of tend to feature in all the 'outings' (seems my celebrity status in Uganda's rugs doesnt wear off). Result of that is the fact that, most of my significant others do know that I am gay. Do know my partner. And, those who have not rejected me, they are still with me.
[These days, seems as if I am more amazed at who knows, rather than who doesn't. Like a colleague at work who discreetly made me to understand that she knew I was gay. Was kind of funny... I was just too surprised to have a more confortable discussion after the revelation!]
But, that underscores the fact that, in my immediate environment, people who matter to me know that I am gay. And, they are not expressing overt hostility. [If they do, I hope I can shrug it off]
Of course, that is no protection from anonymous violence. But, what is?
Yes, it can, and does rile some people. Including, my elder brother, who sent me an e-mail that simply had to be answered. My revelation that I am gay, the fact that I am not shy about it, the fact that I continue to talk about it in forums that are open and not disguising me... Come to think of it, he must have watched the interview and recognised me.
What am I trying to say?
That the interview I did was not anonymous enough. That, even if I am gay in Uganda, and gayuganda, I am trying to rationalise away any possible negative effects, including outing myself and showing major enemies who I am.
I am trying to say that it matters. But, it is a waterfall in the course of the river of life which I had to get to. I hoped to get there later, it has happened sooner.
To the likes of Maazi who I met on another blog and gave me this advice-
Please do not flatter yourself. Enjoy the limelight while it lasts. It is good you are playing fiddle to your western fans. In the future, you will certainly need their help to relocate overseas when the sodomy laws are strengthened to take care of gay militancy.
Be assured that, my life is on the line, I know it, and am angry enough to put it on line. You may think that chasing me out of my country is your solution. Or, you may cheer on the mobs with the hangman's noose.
Well, I am saying, it is worth my life. Being what I am. It is worth it. I take enough pride in being who I am, and what I am, not to be shut up.
I am gay. I am a Ugandan. I am an African. And, you will not change any of those, my identities.