To hear some talk, to Christians, religious people, others; because I am gay, a homosexual, I am a sinner beyond and above all other human beings.
Thus they call me ‘homosexual’; a slur on their tongues, a curse, a horror of a label. Not like I say it, homosexual, a fact of being, but homosexual, a perversion of life. They cannot call me gay, as I call myself. Because that would take away the horns and tail that I have. Because that would break down the walls in their minds to understanding what I am, apart from being homosexual. Because, to them, being homosexual is the very essence of my being. It defines me; totally, completely, absolutely. To them I am nothing but a homosexual.
And more, I am a homosexual activist. The worst kind of homosexual. A sinner, so deeply mirred in my sin that I am proud of it. One who lifts it up on a standard, and parades it brazenly, unashamed, before the whole world.
Because I am that, a homosexual, and an activist, I am less than a human being, in their eyes. It is worth it, and correct, to them, and in their eyes, to wish me dead. To threaten my very life. To strip me of my birth right as an African, a Ugandan. To cut off my head, to deny myself, as I am, a human being. To throw me out of family, and clan, and country. To deny me the facilities that are open to any other country mate of mine, a fellow Ugandan, and any other African. The whisper of my dreaded sexuality is enough to stir up a crowd in righteous anger, to condemn me and stone me to death. Because I am.
Yet, I am.
I cannot deny it, though I can hide in lies. I can deceive myself, pray to all the deities, seek to be healed, torture myself in prayer and self hate and self deception. I can seek to try and rid myself of all that this part of me means in this world. Yes, I can do that.
But I will not.
I am what I am. A human being.
I have a dark skin, rich with melanin, living, breathing, alive. I have a fairly shaped head, a jaw that juts out to challenge life. And I am also a homosexual.
I am gay. A human being who, through a lot, has come to accept what I am. Myself.
It is not the whole of my identity. It is not the whole of me. It is a part of me.
Its true, many others may use this as a characteristic to hunt me down and hurt me. A cure for all their ills in removing this stain on their being, their community. Like the crowds in
Doesn’t stop me from being what I am. A human being.
Doesn’t stop me from affirming what I am. A gay human being.
Doesn’t stop me from loving others, from falling in love, hating like others.
Doesn’t stop me from lifting my head up, though they would proudly stretch my neck in a noose.
I am a human being. A gay human being.
GayUganda
19 comments:
I was recently reflecting over my situation - a gay human being that has been wrestling with this bit of himself for more than 30 years - when a phrase formed in my mind: "Man is a function of many variables; few are known, many unknown." Call it the mathematical equation of "Man", if you will.
It is not right to define "Man" with a single variable or a combination of isolated variables - known or unknown because then, he is ill-defined.
I am a sum of all the variables that define me - including that complex variable, my homosexuality.
- A Nigerian Gay Man
Nigerian gay man,
guess, for me, you are spot on.
gug
I stand with you and Nigerian gay man and millions of other Africans to also say I'm a human being who just happens to be gay. Doesn't make me less of a person. Its who I am.
hey gug, you know i have your back and all, but i think sometimes you play the victim card a lot. this post sounds like many others you have written before. if you hav raised an issue, just let it be. it is good that you have embraced who you are, and that is what it should be all about. not who hates you, who makes your life miserable, who sets you off on the path to hell...it is not about that at all.
Wow anti-pop,
I do agree.
But it is like one has to re-affirm ones belief in ones self, repeatedly. Otherwise I can start believing the rubbish that people throw out at me. I am like a child who has to remind himself that they are worth it. Even when the whole world seems to say so.
I would not have put it there, but you know, Carol dared to come casting abuse, and Gambia, and Ssempa, and ...
Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I can still hit back. Especially when they are hitting me where it hurts me.
And, thanks for having my back. I appreciate.
gug
A moan.But one beautifully expressed.And perfectly understandable in the light of your previous posts.
*But do try to be GAY, bro.
Misery need not punctuate ALL of your posts!
Gug, I suspect that you're well beyond the point where there is even a hint of the likelihood that you will "start believing the rubbish that people thow" at you. You're a beacon to other gay Africans, many of whom would look to you for inspiration. Playing the victim does not sit comfortably with that persona, and I think I will second what antipop said..
By the way, you're doing a fine job...
hi Princess,
welcome back. From wheresoever!
I have seen your lash out at Carol's blog, wow!
Hi Anengiyefa
welcome. Thanks for the encouragement.
You know what, it is true that sometimes we do play the 'victim' card too much. But sometimes it is waranted. I had lain off doing that for some time. But it is also immensely satisfying to be able to assert myself as to what I am. So, even if I do agree, I saw need to lash out, and I did.
Hell, no one should think that they can come here and proudly hide in Phariseecal dresses as they tell me how good it will be for me to have my head cut off. I dont think their threats to my life are that empty. They are not, and I will lash out at them when they do so.
I am gay, and a human being.
And yes Princess, I will try to be gay, sis!
gug
You are not less of a person, but certainly something is wrong.
I am very sure that God did not create you to be a homosexual (Like he never created you to be a thief). That you feel like stealing does not mean that you go ahead and steal. It has never been and will never be God's will that you disobey him by trying to reverse the order he made at creation. Am sure you know of the physical repercussions of damaging someone's anal canal. Remember that God created it to be one way. That is the reason many homosexuals are walking around with pampers. You remember Benjamin Buloba who was sodomised to death in Luzira prisons? And I will not talk about the nasty practice of "fisting".
this is not meant to insult you but to tell you that homosexuality is wrong. Is a homosexual a sinner? the bible says so not me!
Hi Kimbowa,
thanks for dropping by.
I am not a Christian, and I do not like people who bash me in the name of Christianity. I mean, people who say, 'I am not the one who says to stone you, it is the bible'
I hate you justifying your hatred of me with your bible. So, dont do it please?
Hey, are you a defiler?
I mean, do you sleep with young, under age girls?
I have just been to your blog. And I saw something which amused me. I am a paedophile, according to you, because I am homosexual.
So, extending your logic, you are a defiler, because you are a heterosexual.
How do you like my very brilliant deductions, Kimbowa?
Sir, (or is it madam),
your deductions are not brilliant. They are just misguided. I DO NOT HATE YOU at all. Honestly, I love you, I only hate the perverted lifestyle you have chosen to live and to promote. I believe you can change as many others have. Numerous studies have related homosexuality with the crimes I write about on my blog. It is not you but the devil is responsible for that. You can deny his stewardship and God will surely cleanse you and heal you. Am sure you have the capacity to be a husband to a woman and a father. You need to take the step to move out of the cloud
Kimbowa,
why dont you take a bit of that love and read my blog? You dont even know whether I am a man or woman?
sincerely!
Hate comes in many guises. But the worst is willful ignorance.
I understand you are a man, and I have read your blog meaning that am willing to listen to you. the reason I wondered whether you are a man or a woman is because the homosexual community has invented new words like "trans gender".
Recently, a woman from Oregon became pregnant but the press said "man claims to be pregnant" apparently because she had done a "sex change". I do not share that view of the BBC and the like. I believe she is a woman because God created her a woman.
I wonder why you think I hate you! I tell you the truth because I love you. The banyankole have a saying that "akukunda niwe akuhana" meaning that he who loves you is the one that will tell you your mistakes so that you may change. I also make mistakes and am glad when they are pointed out.
That I called you a pedophile is not true (however am not saying that you are not). I just gave you information on research that has been conducted in relation to homosexuality and crime. I does say that a very big percentage of homosexuals are pedophiles but not that every homosexual is a pedophile.
We were all created by the same father and honestly, I listen to you guys and am waiting for the day I will stand in celebration with you after you have been delivered out of that perverted lifestyle
Kimbowa,
spoken like a true believer. But you dont really understand that I do not believe?
If you want to understand me, then understand that I do not believe. It is as simple as this. You believe in a god. A moslem believes in a slightly different god. I believe in no god.
Lets discuss these things one at a time, so that we do not get bogged down.
You say that you do not hate me. I think that you hate me. So, I have put my response to your comment on the next post. Will be waiting your reply.
Perverted and no god. So that makes you a perverted atheist. We should make a group, Perverted Atheists Anonymous. Though, not too anonymous because I reckon there should be massive perverted orgies too!!!
We could wear masks though and no names. That'd be sweet. And non of this gay/straight stuff. Just fuck who ever is up for it. It'd be a Bi's heaven :D
Have you missed me Guggling?
Oh, and David...Where's the darkest place you can put a Bible?
deT,
missed you gal. Exams done?
Perveted Atheists Anonymous!
what are you coming up next with? David does not understand why you would want to drop the bible down a pit toilet, and he is liable to just take umbrage.
Maybe I can put it this way.
Kimbowa, I do not believe. Kind of like quoting the Bible at a moslem.
Nope, still got 2 exams. But not for like a week! So, I have returned to the Happy Land/World/Universe/Disney Land/Perverted Atheists Anonymous Heaven/Hell/Cyber Sex that is Blogger...
Drop it down a pit latrine? Okay, see I knew that's what people would start thinking but it's not what I was thinking.
I was thinking somewhere dark where no hamster should ever go. Again, not a pit latrine....
Your words really touched my heart...
I hope that you will always find the strength and courage to go on and live your life as you want to.
Love from Germany,
Selena
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