Thursday, May 8, 2008

Missing my Baby

I am alone.

Mooning. I should be working, but, the white page is very inviting. No, the thoughts are not so easily formed. Not easily translated onto the page. The words. They will not say what the thoughts say.

I am missing my baby.

Should be with him, but aint. He is at home, and I am not with him.

Wonder what he is doing? Probably in the kitchen, cooking. Thin body in a cotton shirt. Sleeveless, stirring and playing with the fire. Does he like cooking, or does he cook for me? His sense of duty is tremendous, and I am the one person that he believes is the centre of his care. I don’t cook. Not much. So, I am always charged with washing the dishes. Like when I was a kid and the adults cooked. Except that we are both adults.

I love him.

Strange thing to say. We have been together, what, seven years. And I can still say that I love him. It is a comfortable love. I do not fear that he will get to see another of the thorns in my body and run away. He knows me all. Inside out. But he still stays with me.

Why does he love me?

I do not know. I am not very sure that I am that lovable.
Selfish, a dreamer, self involved. Yet he does love me.

We are so different from one another, light and its absence, that it is incredible that we love one another. Sometimes I wonder, does he love me? But not when, like this morning, I wake up with him lying across from me. And I pull him close, and we move and nudge each other, trying to fit more comfortably into the other’s naked body. We are two individuals, but at that time, moment, we are one. Together. The bed cannot be too big, or too small. The world is nothing but him and I, together, in each others’ arms.

I hope he is not angry when I go back home.

Sometimes, he is angry at me. Refuses to say why. I stopped playing the guessing game, trying to figure out what was angering him. Can’t read his mind. Too hard, and we do not think alike. What angers me, makes him laugh. What I think minor, he thinks major.

And he still loves me.

I look forward to seeing him. When I get home, and I hold out my arms. He will come to me. He will hold me in his arms, I will hold him in my arms. I will drink in his scent, nuzzle in his nape. He seems to like it when I rub my rough chin on his, feeling his very special warmth and scent, his welcoming breath.

Yes, I look forward to seeing him, hold him in my arms, my love.



Anonymous said...

As cynical as I am- when I read about two people who genuinly love each other, it warms my heart.

You two are very lucky to have found each other.

DeTamble said...

This is one of the nicest things you have ever written.

He is thin? Excellent, I was hoping you had a skinny boy, would have told you off if you'd been dating a fatso! No pot bellies allowed!

Go home GUG, leave work just for today. Go home!

I can't cook either. Neither can Hunk, we're doomed to a life of sandwiches :P

Who knows why he love you! Why does anyone love anyone? And you're one of the most self involved people ever! I reckon you're even more self involved than I am and that's some serious self involvement!

Maybe he doesn't tell you why he is angry because he can't find the right words. Sometimes that happens to me, or I'm angry at someone but I don't even want to tell them because I think they will think the reason is stupid, so I refuse to tell.

Rough chins are nice but I hope yours isn't rough enough to give stubble rash when you kiss!!

gayuganda said...

WildeY, thanks.
A secret, I used to be a cynic. Am happy it did not stick. Very thankful.

ouch, younger sisters are apt to say inconvenient truths! I like kissing him a lot. Seems so 'natural'! for lack of a better way to put it!

Anonymous said...

that is so so beautiful... i still love the way you write...

though i still wish it was about a woman instead...

does he read your blog?

how have you been?

cindy a.k.a sybella

DeTamble said...

I don't know what I said that was an inconvenient truth but no matter, you're always welcome. I try to be a good little sister, wouldn't want to disappoint you.

And I'd rather you not have a girl. Since I like guy/guy it's hot. Double eye candy.

Princess said...

I'm glad I dropped by this morn.
This is beautiful! :)

gayuganda said...

Hi Cindy,

you're back? Welcome again. Where have you been hiding from the blogloren?

DeT, cute as ever, ha!

And Princess, you are going to have a cultural shock when you are in NY. You are very welcome.


Princess said...

Oh, GUG, I'm afraid I've leading you to very mixed deductions about moi.
Yes, I'll have a cultural shock.I anticipate it.And will mask it and try to adapt.

DeTamble said...

You're going to come back swearing like and Irish washerwoman!! Like a pirate! I'm going to be put to utter shame! My occasional fuck here and there won't even create the tiniest blip on the swearing radar when you're in the room!!

Princess said...

Damn you, DeT!
You bloody tattle-tale, you!

DeTamble said...

No problem Sis! I'll just take the opportunity to swear all the more, to cover for you :-) Just don't get a New Yorker accent cause I don't want to have to pull out my Steve Irwin/Crocodile Dundee accent to cover that!
ooh you said bloody. I thought you was going to the USA not to AUS?

gayuganda said...

Eh, Princess,

was I missing something about NY?

Want to come clean? hey?

Or am I missing something? DeT, come clean!

Princess said...

What! No retaliatory post?
Is you bark worse than your bite, bro?!

gayuganda said...


DeTamble said...

No, you're not missing anything Bro! And now that you're both in on the Secret I expect you two to act nicer towards each other, no retaliation posts and GUG stop growling at your kid sister.

Princess said...

@ DeT: be honest! He IS missing something!
*mwahaha [or whatever an evil laugh is supposed to sound like]

DeTamble said...

Missing something...what? Like his lover? Or a pair of breasts? :P

Princess said...

He's always been missing the latter[in your comment]

DeTamble said...

Hahahah very true!! Don't you ever want them GUG? Breasts? I really like breasts, it'd be sad to go through life not being able to fondle a pair. oh well, I guess balls are pretty good too.

*whispers to Princess "what is he missing? I'm to thick to work it out either"*

Princess said...

*whispers the answer into DeT's ears.[then looks over shoulder to see if GUG is lurking nearby]

Anonymous said...

lol... my goodness princess and detamble, do you guys have these conversations at everyone's blog besides your own?

the two of you should really hook up, can imagine you talk the night, no the week away!

princess, maybe you should go to NY via Australia and halla at detamble... yes?

gug... have been around and about...

DeTamble said...

@Princess: *nods, giggling* But I guess since he's a boy he can't help being a little slow...

@Sybella: Almost everywhere, we attempt to control ourselves on other people's blogs...except Bro's, but he's asking for it. Gets annoyed when we ignore him...

The week away! We shall! So long as we don't both go to BHH, otherwise the others will end up killing themselves just so that they don't have to listen to us any longer.

Princess said...

@ DeT: *nods head in sage agreement.

the antipop said...

soulful. wish i can be able to feel like that about somebody...lovely post gug

DeTamble said...

GUG!! You are no longer cool. Where are you?

Princess said...

Where the hell are you, bro?
You're not allowed to go f*** AWOL without saying a word to the sisters!
What is it? What's wrong?!
*Are you sick?

DeTamble said...

You should have said something if you were going to be away for so long! You better not be hurt! :'(
Or arrested. Please, brother! Speak up, let us know you are alive and well. Or at least alive!

Princess said...

If he's at work, then he's seen this.And he couldn't possibly ignore us.
Let's give him an hour to react.
If he hasn't reacted, then he must be in trouble. :(

DeTamble said...

Well he should have been at work yesterday right? There wasn't a holiday was there? And anyway he's always at work and I think he also has internet at home. He should have seen these already and he hasn't replied to my email from like FOUR days ago!!! Maybe he got fired or something...

Princess said...

Yeah, he has internet at home.
He hasn't replied your email?!
OK, now I'm really worried-

DeTamble said...

For when you come home to us: "Remember that time I stuck my finger up your ass? I think I'm gonna make a sculture of that."

"That's right Benjamin, finger me to the stars!"

DeTamble said...

27th is worried you may be hurt by my obvious inability to understand that the above link may be offensive to your sweet sensitive nature. So, understand that I gave you the link because I was crying with laughter and wanted to share the joy! And if you are offended by it then...I DON'T CARE! Cause I found it fucking hilarious!!! Friends don't let friends worry about prostate cancer.

gayuganda said...


I am back sisters.

Sorry, was planned to go away, but then...

forgot to say au revoir

Missing you to girls, actually. Been too busy to actually blog.


Princess said...

Nah-ah! Not impressed.

*I have 'beef' for you, GUG!

Anonymous said...


DeTamble said...

Screw the beef, I've got a whole damn cow!!

How DARE YOU!! Don't you realise we've been lying awake at night WORRYING ABOUT YOU!!!! You little fuck!!! You're not allowed to go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the fact that it is dangerous for you and THEN FUCKING PULL A DISAPPEARING ACT!!! What the hell were we going to start thinking?!?!?!?!?!

Okay, yes we did think that maybe you were having a nice enjoyable holiday but we didn't think you'd be as blindingly stupid not to have mentioned it at least once!!!

When I finally get my hands on you expect a bruise! And don't think I won't forget how we felt not knowing what happened to you! This will be my first official grudge! Damnnit Bro! You are thick! Maybe you should stop having sex for once and let some of that blood flow back to your brain!!

Anonymous said...

Ok,a bego to plagiarise this and give to my boo that he'll think I wrote it...

I love it!

-Miss Cheri

gayuganda said...



my sincere apologies. I did not expect to have little internet access. Thought I would, so I would just be 'around' without being in the country. Unfortunately did not work out the way I had planned.

My sincere apologies!


Thanks for the accolade! Afraid am gone rusty again.

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