Coming Out.

Its mid December. Nearly, anyway. End of the year, beginning of another.

I never make new year resolutions. Find it an unnecessary stress to undertake them. But, it is a time for thought and thinking, for reflection. What has the old year been about? What do I expect from the new year? How do I plan the new year, with respect to the realities of what is, and what is not?

No, it is frustratingly difficult to plan. So, I make a tentative wish list, and think about how to get to the final that I want. For example, I am pretty sure that Ssempa, Dear Pastor Dr. Martin 'eat da poo poo' Ssempa will resurrect in the new year..... but, what will he do? He is a political chameleone. The huge fall that he took with his 'eat da poo poo' theatrics are not about to keep him down. And, he has a huge following, a base in Uganda, which is a springboard to anything that he would love to do....

Even killing gays.... ha ha ha. I watched a snippet of Bahati's interview with Rachel Maddow. Poor deluded man. Seriously deluded man. If it was not the fact that the guy is after putting me in prison or killing me because I am gay, I would be seriously think of dismissing him. I mean, he is seriously in shit. And, not of the good kind.

But, my countrymates believe him. They believe in making sure that me as a homosexual dies, because I am a homosexual.

Ok. That bears strongly with what I have been thinking about in the last few months.

Time for me to be real open about my sexuality.

Thing is, the veil is tattered. Real tattered. More people know, believe, think, or suspect that I am gay than don't. I mean, I think there are few enough of my acquitances who do not know that.

But, again, it is a decision with un-suspected ripple effects.

My relatives... well, Dad warned me not to go that way.... Last real quarrel we had with him. He kind of accepts that I am gay. Is holding on, with tentative scepticism, to the promise to give him a grand child […...! I do love children. And, the promise was more to myself than to him....]. But, he is horrified by my activism and exposure. It can hurt him.

Of course, being publicly known as gay will have an effect on my relatives. Of course it will. Many know, many suspect... but, is my pastor brother willing to have me known as one of the gay Ugandans? Oh, sorry, homosexual Ugandans.. if there is any difference?

But, it is freedom, getting out of the closet. It is made of bars of steel, restrictions and an iron floor, hard, unyielding, even when I do not see it.

Why the thought? Yes, because of the freedom. And, because,... I am getting on in years, and living closeted irks me more.... And, because with the freedom to be myself, I will be able to achieve more of my more open goals...

Tough thought. Tough, tough, tough...

Anyway, I have to think about it, and I am. No decision till I am ready to do so. Coming out is too important, too tough a something to do.

Meanwhile, friends, acquitances, I do hope you are enjoying the festive season.

Here, it is just starting off. With kids, many, if not most, back from school, heading upcountry to grandpa and grandma, and others flooding the city bars and shopping malls.

Enjoy the day. And the festive season.

gug

Outing in the worst possible ways.

I have exactly five minutes to write what I am writing.

But, I cannot not write this. It is on my mind, which is seething. I am no speed writer.

Was it two nights ago? At Makerere university, the very university that hosts Ssempa's Makerere Community church, two guys were reportedly found by one, Tamale, and this one decided that they were having gay sex.

So, Tamale made an alarm. And, the guys were beaten up, badly.

Hall security rescued them from the mob of students, which was intent on lynching the guys.

They were taken to the police, where they were arrested. Yes. They were arrested. Suspicion of being gay.

So, they are out on police bond. One is in hospital at the moment.

Gosh......

My ire is up. And, I am boiling. So, did they do something that made them deserve the beating, the outing, the labelling, the arrest and.....

Life is shitty, sometimes

My five minutes are up.

gug

Bahati's Trip to the US.

Frankly, I do not care where Bahati goes....

Why should I care? He is a rich man. One of our MPs who give themselves multi-million shilling salaries while the common worker in Uganda earns peanuts. It is like trying to worry about what Bill Gates does....! Hey, I mean, I am putting it in context!

Anyway, Bahati is in the US. There are people, gay people like me, who are incensed that he was given a visa to visit. That he was allowed in. Well, it is their country. And, they have a right to determine who gets in and out of it. And, if they want to keep out a guy who wants me dead just because I am like they are... I whole heartedly support them. Oh, yes, I do. If only to have Bahati embarrassed! Call me small minded...

But, it concerns me in another way.

Bahati was most likely sure that he was not going to be allowed to attend the conference. Even I who was peripherally interested in his going realised that there was little chance of him being allowed into the conference venue. [shrug]

But, he did go. At a busy time when he should be politicking for his re-election to parliament.

So, why did he go?

Logical that he must have other eggs to fry. Is it about the anti-Homosexuality bill? I am uncomfortable that that is his issue. Maybe connecting to the people that he consistently said had supported him. However covertly.

Yes, I have picked that from 'LezGetReal', but it maybe uncomfortably very near the truth.

He certainly didnt do this to go and be a guest on the Rachel Maddow Show, which he apparently is going to be. He is not a very good debater.

Unless, it is something else. He is taking the battle into the enemy camp. Wants to give a 'human face' to the bill.... and deny that it is about what it is about? Yeah, I mean, the guy has been very consistent. He believes that god is on his side, and will not countenance god batting for the other team. No, sorry. He wants to deny that he wants to kill gay people. He wants to affirm that we are 'recruiting'. He wants to affirm that we are 'destroying' the African family. He wants to affirm that he is for Family values, which are being undermined by the rich and cruel gay agenda. Sorry. The Homosexual Agenda.

Or, he wants to generate sympathy here at home, for his cruel treatment in America.

Is it that? Should I pray for Rachel Maddow to be, err, gentle on the man?

No... I would like him exposed for the buffoon he is.... Sorry for my language, ladies, gentlemen.

Of course, America is a rich country. He may be hated and reviled for his anti-Homo agenda, but, there are those few who will lionise him. And give him the rare and heavy dollar.

Gosh, why didn't I think about it? The guy is going for money. Pure, and simple. He is going fund-raising for his campaign. He needs the money of course, and, it doesn't matter that most people will think him a demented man. There are those few who will embrace him, who will watch the Rachel Maddow show of him and send him money.

Uh. Problem solved. Yes, I am now fairly comfortable in my analysis. He is a good Ugandan. His reasons for what he does what he does are fairly easy, fairly simple. Yes, I know he calls himself a Christian. Sure, he is. That is what Christians are in Uganda. Ssempa, Bahati, Solomon Male, Buturo... Similarly stripped Christians. I am not disabusing him of that notion.

But, he is also a Ugandan, in need of money for the campaigns back home.

Fund-raising trip to the US.

Oh well.

Wish him no luck, but I am sure he will be lucky.

gug

A PM called to account. Kenya.

Uh,

I have been negligent. Sorry. Just happens that sometimes I get too caught up in some things. Like earning daily bread....!

But, I have been following from afar the debate in Kenya. It is kind of refreshing. Very, for a Ugandan. Not very long ago, we Ugandans thought of Kenya as the country with the more repressive environment. Politically, and with regards to freedom of speech. Those were the days of Moi. But, it seems they have very vigorously embraced the freedom to say what they want. And, they are doing so, with a pride and vociferousness which warms the heart.

Have been following the faux pas by the Prime Minister. Cant believe that people are calling his bluff in the press. Openly, candidly, and laying out their reasons with a fearlessness that is amazing, for me in Uganda. We cannot do this, even when people call on us to be hanged. No, we cannot. Infact, pastors lead demonstrations to court to protest our defence of the right to the dignity of human beings.... We are criminals.

No. Our Kenyan brothers are not that.

The careless and highly inflammatory remarks about homosexuals made by Prime Minister Raila Odinga have understandably led to outrage among civil society and gay rights activists in Kenya and in the Diaspora.

At a public rally at Kibera, the Prime Minister ordered the arrest of all gay couples in the country because "it is madness for a man to fall in love with another man while there are plenty of women (in Kenya)" and "there is no need for women to engage in lesbianism when they can bear children".

Raila further stated that the new Constitution forbids same sex relationships (which is not true — while the Constitution forbids same sex marriage, it is silent about same sex relationships).

Raila owes Kenyans an apology, and not denials. And, a psychiatrist gets so railed that he actually gets pen to paper and writes an op-ed. Gosh, I am invigorated by such statements... The vigorous defence. Is this happening in Africa? Is it the next President of Kenya that is being called to book? Yes, it is. And, he is retracting, and back tracking, and being a buffoon about it.... He said the words. And, he was telling his constituents, who believe in him like they believe in a demi-god. And, it was okay for him to say that there. But not for the press to get his words and show the whole world what he did say....!

We cannot deny the power of his words. I mean, his constituents could have taken this as carte blanche to go ahead and attack gay Kenyans. Thankfully, they didnt then. But, it is important that this does not happen again. Raila richly deserves his lambasting. And, for the good of all Kenyans, and gay Kenyans in particular, it is important because he will control his tongue next time... Because, there will certainly be a next time. He is an important leader.

Hope your day has been good.

Mine has. Be well

gug

Why do I fight?

The question continues to haunt my thoughts.

Yesterday, seated on our verandah, came a child, a girl, about ten or so. She was well dressed. Knelt, greeted me, and told me she was hungry. Been sent to school for some function or other. Didnt have food for the day. Wanted some.

There is so much need all around me. I am a privileged person. I have internet. I have a job. I have an income. I have..., so many things which the rest of my people do not have. I am even sure that I will get a meal today. Reasonably sure.

So, why do I fight the wars about my sexuality? No worthier causes? [Well, my life might depend on it, life and liberty. But, I am a chameleone. I do not have to fight. I can blend in and hide for life. Yes. I can.]

And, this fight is a bitter one. So many chances of failure, of not getting through. The rewards? Uh, they can be bitter like lemons. Offered asylum to get out of the country? Or some regard by fellow kuchus? Or, the monies that many believe are my motivation?

Its complicated. Like the Facebook relationship status.

Why I fight, why I do whatever I do. It is complicated. Cant even begin to explain it to myself.

But, some news out of Africa. Maybe these things do offer a clue to the why of my 'fight'

The other day was World AIDS Day. And, the Independent ran this article. The bigotry that keeps Aids alive

Experts have long stated that HIV epidemics cannot be successfully quelled unless the underlying spread of HIV by male-to-male sex is addressed. Yet, across the globe, socially accepted homophobia and violence against sexual minorities have created barriers to HIV-prevention efforts in this population.

It is a horrific fact. Ssempa in Uganda... the statement of his that they cannot allow us HIV prevention programs. Us, as in gay Ugandans... that statement still reverberates in my mind. And, that of the Director General of Uganda's AIDS commission that gay men were one of the drivers of the epidemic, but the national program simply wouldnt target them.

That, that hatred is a fuel for me. You can hate me all you want. But, I will simply not lie down and die because you hate me. No way.

And, you did hear of The Prime Minister of Kenya' s statement? Yes, he is being asked to retract it. Kenya, our neighbour to the east, is amazing in some ways. Not least because Gay Kenyans do have a voice. We don't have that in Uganda. To continue with an extract from the Independent-

Raila Odinga, the Prime Minister of Kenya. On Sunday at a rally in his constituency, he said: "Homosexuals should be arrested and taken to the relevant authorities." What is happening in such situations, explains Dr Carr, is that people are "regarded as disposable, less than human".

They are "left with no protection under the law and no means of seeking redress for the wrongs done to them", he said.

Disposable. Less than human. Yes, in the eyes of Giles Muhame. Pastor Ssempa. Minister Buturo. Pastor Male, MP Bahati, that is what I am as a gay Ugandan. Disposable. Less than human. Hang Them!

When the anti-Homosexuality bill was introduced in parliament at the end of last year, I was pretty sure that it was a preparation for elections in Uganda. Yes, we are in the midst of politicking. Elections in February 2011. And, it is very cheap politics to rally the masses to persecute a minority. And one that cannot fight back.

Happened in Uganda.

Is happening in Senegal, across the continent.

Violence against homosexual men in Senegal has escalated in the past two years and may continue to rise before a presidential election in 2012, according to advocacy group Human Rights Watch.

Incidents of mob beatings, arbitrary arrests, police brutality and public discrimination and lynching were reported to the New York-based group and published in a report today released in the Dakar, the Senegalese capital.

The West African nation is one of 38 African countries that criminalizes homosexuality, and has become one of Africa’s most “abusive” enforcers of such laws, said Boris Dittrich, Human Rights Watch’s acting director for its lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender rights program.

“When elections are coming up and politicians are under scrutiny, all of a sudden there is more focus on homosexuality, because that’s a very easy target,” Dittrich said in a phone interview from New York.

Bigots and spreaders of hate are a reality in my world. And, I have no compunction exposing them. I have no compunction when I see them reaping what they sow. They spread misery with their words. They reap less than that.

Pastor Dr Martin 'eat da poo poo' Ssempa has learnt to keep his mouth shut. Because garbage spews from it. Hate and garbage. In Uganda, it is thought to be honey... by many. But, to his supporters outside the country, he is an embarrassment. And, pressure is being applied to bless him with these things.

He resigned from the 'Board of Reference' of Oral Roberts University. Good riddance....! I have no doubt that he was forced out. And, I am ruthless enough to be happy at his pain. [I am no Christian. I will not turn the other cheek. No thanks.]

Why do I fight?

I try to answer that question. I have failed to do so to my heart's content. What I do know is that I am still fighting. Bloody, stupid, unchosen war.

But, will I accept to be less than human? That seems to be the only alternative!

Have a great day.

gug

Why do they Hate?

Why do they hate us so?

Sometimes, when I am really down and depressed, I start asking myself why people hate us.

Us. Generic, us gays. Why are there all the different kinds of hate? Why?

Uh, I know. Xenophobia. Tribal prejudices are very common in Uganda, and most of our African countries.

Many of the haters swear that they don't hate. Pastors Male and Ssempa say they love homosexuals. Yes, I would do without their overwhelming love, hate.

Ssempa these days doesnt want to talk to the media. But, he speaks through surrogates (how he must hate that!). Male, well, that elderly gentleman is not as charismatic as Ssempa is, but, he also shouts and rants as much as any other. Remember, in the Pastor Wars in Uganda, he was hand and glove with Ssempa in the allegations about Pastor Kayanja.

Poor guys. Recently, I passed by Miracle Center Cathedral. Kayanja is planning a huge city wide crusade. And, he has a huge bill board, rivalling those of politicians campaigning for the presidency.

Kayanja literally crushed his rivals, those who wanted to tarnish his name that he is a homosexual. I don't know whether he is.... damn, I have no wish one way or the other. Father Musaala's career was destroyed by the allegations, far as I see. Kayanja faced them, dragged them to court. And, Ssempa and Male ended with mud on their mugs. The power of money!

And, Pastor Kayanja is going as strong as ever.

Maybe the lesson there is that hate and jealousy, especially like that of Male and Ssempa does not pay. Or, they are stupid?

Why do they hate us so?

Male put his signature to this epistle. A long letter, convoluted. We are evil. Because we are homosexuals. Somehow, somewhere in that is well hidden the love. Ssempa has apparently learnt the lesson not to put his signature to epistles like that these days. But, guess who is behind it all...!

Here, Male explains everything further.

The language of love, hate- unrestrained. Foreign media 'promoting homosexuality' in Uganda.

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And now foreign media and homosexuals are here to advance their cause, blackmailing our government, misinforming the world about the situation on the ground."

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According to him "Pr Martin Ssempa and others in our team have on many occasions debated with homosexuals at public forums, even before the media and in the presence of the Police, intelligence and other agencies. None of the homos (homosexuals, ed) has ever been harassed. Where on earth do they get such brutalization? I need to assure the world as follows:

"No homosexual has been persecuted. Our campaign focuses on criminals who target little children below the 18 year age of consent, especially children in schools. For those who have chosen to take that sexual route, we call upon to quit.

"No homosexual has been raped, abused or killed by mobs because of hatred. In fact, many relatives of homosexuals have bleeding hearts that their loved ones are indulging. We have parents of homosexuals who have been mistreated by homosexuals.

"On the contrary, we have homosexuals using state machinery to harass their victims and the good Samaritans. This has happened in the Pr Kitaka, Pr Kiwewesi, Pr Kayanja and other homo cases." Male continues his argument saying that where victims have come up to report, they have been persecuted, framed and arrested, or their offenders have been alerted to take pre-emptive action, or even to flee

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You see? We are liars and hypocrites. They are the saints that speak their hearts out.

Now, I dearly love this contrasting comment from Giles Muhame of the Rolling pebble. This is what he says. 

"I hope basic justice will be done," he told Reuters. "Some people are even calling for public hanging and some others even want to see homosexuals buried alive."

Basic Justice indeed!. At least Giles Muhame is truthful.

I mean, I swear to the veracity of this.

During the debates on the Anti-Homosexuality bill, there was one which was televised. Agenda Uganda or something on NTV, one of the local stations. On the panel on one side was Pastor Solomon Male. On the other side was Val Kalende.

And, one of the guys in the audience, very categorically stated that the bill was not going far enough with hanging homosexuals. What he wanted was homosexuals like Val being dragged before a public firing squad, like used to happen in the days of Idi Amin.

I listened to that, sick at heart. Val was there. I don't know how she felt, have never asked her. I felt sick, disgusted. Because, to a Ugandan, those sick days are an ulcer that cannot be healed.

But, the guy said that. I didnt see the man of God Male stand up to contend that. What did Male say? Oh, in anger, at another segment, he actually supported the hanging.....

Why do they hate us so?

Oh well, they hate. And hating, they are satisfied.

It doesnt help me to dwell on that. They hate. Shrug. And, me telling them that they hate is not going to change them an iota. They hate because they hate. They will get the words to fill in the void of their 'love', but, they will continue to hate.

Why should I try to understand them? A knife driven into my chest will kill me, whether the motivation of the killer is powered by ignorance. It is ignorant hate.

gug

Uh, Back

Just got a reminder, that I should blog.

Hey, was off on holiday. It was fantastic. No stress (only a little!), and, beautiful place, beautiful vistas, beautiful people. A learning experience, since I did have to mix pleasure and work.

And, the FREEDOM!

You know I live in Uganda, right? And that Uganda is homophobic, yes?

Now, in Uganda, for a gay man, a gay couple, one has to constantly look over one's shoulders. Yes, first look to the right, then to the left, and then you do what can potentially out you. Like carrying my book of gay love poetry...!

But, I was in a land where I didnt have to do that.

I know, for the first few days, I did so do it. But, the tension wears off, and, I suddenly know that I am free. That I can kiss who I will, that I can say what I think, that I can literally be myself. The tension, the ever present tension in Uganda? It is a cloud that I no longer see, notice. That is, until I go to a place where I have no need to hide any longer.

Someone, a reader living in Uganda wrote to me, essentially asking the question, why do I fight? Living and working and being in Uganda, one can become very confortable hiding. Very. And, so confortable that people like gug who seem to constantly want the attention and getting into the sights of Ssempa and Buturo's guns, we do stir a lot of disconfort. We upset our orderly worlds.

I feel for you, brother.

Because, I felt exactly the same, a few years ago.

Till I realised that the illusion of confort that was all around me was just an illusion. That peace of mind comes at a great price. And, the more I realise that I can stop paying that price, the more I realise that I was being short charged.

Freedom is priceless. That is why people die for it.

I fight, we fight, because we have had a feel, a taste of what freedom can be. That is why we go ahead and provoke and dare to stand in the sights of people like Minister of Ethics and Integrity in Uganda. Because we want to be free of the self imposed restrictions, the invisible prisons we build round us... just because we are different!

Brother, you may not agree with me at the moment, but, I do hope that you do soon!

This is a war. And, to fight it, I do need you...!

What has been happening in Uganda?

Usually, there is something happening. On the gay frontlines. Uganda is like that!

The rolling pebble? It was temporarily stopped from publishing, because 3 people outed as gay sued it in the country's courts. The case is ongoing. At the last hearing, the judge ?forgot to extend the ban on the paper publishing more photos.

And, do you know their reaction? The editors? They say they are going to take advantage of the couple of weeks and publish more photos. As soon as possible! Deities above, what is the motivation of these guys? Am I the one noticing more than just the economics of having our fabulous selves on the paper's front page?

A Ugandan newspaper that "outs" people it says are gay and has called for them to be hanged said on Tuesday it would use a two-week window before a court verdict on its activities to continue with its campaign.

Three gay activists -- two women and one man -- who were featured in the publication secured an interim injunction on November 1 stopping the newspaper from publishing such photos on privacy grounds.

The paper, "Rolling Stone," has published some images under the headline "Hang them."

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"The interim order was first passed on November 1st and extended until November 26th while we prepared our case," Giles Muhame, the 22-year-old editor of the newspaper, told Reuters.

"The judge then said on the 26th that he would pass his final verdict on December 13th, which means it expired."

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Rolling Stone has so far published 29 photographs with names and, in some cases, addresses and says it intends to work through a list of 100 people.

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Muhame said he would now try to feature as many people as possible whom his newspaper considers gay in two issues before the verdict is passed.

"I hope basic justice will be done," he told Reuters. "Some people are even calling for public hanging and some others even want to see homosexuals buried alive."

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When I talked to this guy on BBC, he said that he doesnt want me hanged.... but, he is featuring my photo, my name, my address in his paper, when he knows that some people do want me 'buried alive'. Very, very Christian, isnt he? Oh, I am told he worships in Pastor Martin 'eat da poo poo' Ssempa's Makerere Community Church. Seeds have grown into plants and are bearing fruit.

How fitting!

Now, I have bored myself. And dampened my enthusiasm. I will blog more later...!

Have a beautiful day. Kampala is overcast, cool, beautiful

gug