Monday, February 25, 2008

Of love and Deception

Beautiful morning out. Very beautiful.

Sometimes I kind of think that it strikes me too much. The beauty of where I live. But can life ever be too much? Don’t think so.

Sunny weather, a clear sky, golden sunlight on green leaves. A calm and stillness all around. Can hear a goat or two, and some birds, doves cooing in the distance. Lovely sounds.

Came across this story at antipop’s blog.

Has a friend, relative, who had a lover. Caught the lover cheating 4 times, before she decided to dump him. He didn’t want to let go. 5th time caught him, well, with a man!

Must say I laughed my head off when I read it. I mean, this is real life for me and most other kuchus. To others it is a scandal that can blow them away, to me it is life.

I did wade into the discussion, and posted a link to the Israel story. Told her that she had been lucky.

How can I say this gently, honestly? We live in a closet. A closet of lies. Lies that we have to live on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis. Yes, all humans do live in closets, but the kuchu closet is a terrible thing.

Don’t want your pity. Just a fact of life.

So, we have to lie, to those closest to us, about our very selves. No wonder they think that they have never known us when they find out. Its true, they don’t really know us.

But it is also true that it is not voluntary, to live in the closet. It is simply a matter of survival. A do or die fact of life.

Had a lover who was pressured into getting married. Wanted me to share his marital bed. I declined, don’t want that kind of heartbreak. And it was getting close.

My lover would kill me if he found me with another guy. But with a woman, he shrugs it off. He knows the pressure I am under to produce an heir. Pity that I am not so inclined!

Lives of double, triple deception, disjointed, dysfunctional. Part of why I am proud gay. Because not to be proud of what I am is to sink and drown in the pit of self loathing.

So, I have to have the option of telling the necessary lies. Every kuchu has to have it. A terrible life to lead, but that is life.

I salute you, all those who have bitten the bullet and have jumped out of that trap. Dont forget how bad it is for others. And dont judge them too harshly. It is a matter of survival. Necessary Lies.



gayblade said...

That was a moving post, and makes me realise how different my life here in New Zealand is.

Came across your blog thanks to an article in the local paper here, and I like it.

I blog myself if you get bored, mainly at

Keep writing, keep well and keep strong.


Carlo said...

Um, you done been tagged.
And your posts stopped being sad after a while. I guess you took the sadness out of it when you chose to just be.

gayuganda said...

Hi Michael,




Didnt even realise that i was sad! Maybe it just was as is. Welcome


Cialis Online said...

There are great places to live in, I personally enjoy living on the mountains, hopefully with a great view and a lake.

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