Sexual Mores.

deTamble has been curious whether I love a ‘moaner’ during sex. You know, someone who cheers you on enthusiastically during the act, making it a total experience for the both of you. [Got you, sis]!

She asked first time, I dodged the question.

She is a persistent one, the lady. Asked me again, I ducked. Again, and I feinted. She became even more persistent, and I became more resolute. I would not tell her whether I liked the loudspeakers booming during the act, and the crescendo of the climax underlined with vocal drumbeats. She ended sulking away, not understanding why I am not able to answer such a question. Such a simple question, in a way.

I, on my part, am also highly amused. I think I do understand what is happening.

Cultural differences. I am an African man, who has been taught, growing up, that talking about sex just does not happen. Not in polite conversation at least.

Of course I did talk dirty with my mates. Expected, and hell, part of my ‘cover’.

And I have talked dirty with girls. Those that I was hoping to bed. It is like an unwritten rule. Just doesn’t happen, in polite conversation.

I think my society is very highly sexed. Extremely highly sexed. But there are certain things that are not talked about in ‘polite’ conversation. I am gay, and have made my sexuality a big ‘theme’ of my blogging. Of course I have shocked many with the openness. I was amused when 27^th was teased by someone of having a crush on me. Mortifying to him, and he had decided not to continue that conversation till I teased him back. Yet he happens to be one of the more open ones, of the Ugandan bloggers. Princess dares not talk about it. [Ok, if you do, pray, post something about sex, as a dare]

Highly hypocritical, but a glaring fact.

During the debate on having the play ‘Vagina Monologues’ perfomed in Uganda, the liberal ladies were asked to say the word ‘vagina’ on radio. Most hesitated. It is the incomparable Miria Matembe who could dare talk about her ‘V’ and demand the right to talk about it. I remember one time that she was actually asked to translate it into her mother tongue. She did not dare say that on radio.

That sexual more seems to be quite strong. Ask most people when they first had sex, and they will point to their teens. In the village, it was traditional for a 17 year old man to have his own hut, separate from the family, ready for marriage. A 13 year old girl with budding breasts is taken as sexually mature. Yet the law in Uganda forbids sex below the age of 18.

The sexual hypocrisy has had some funny consequences.

If you listen to our media, you may be forgiven to think we are a pristine, sexless society, by some of the official positions. For example, the promotion of condoms only became legal about 5 years ago. And it is illegal to supply them in schools. Talking about safe sex in school is a nightmare. One is supposed to talk about the virtues of ‘abstinence’ and ‘being faithful’ in marriage. Condoms are not supposed to be talked about. And they are actively de-campaigned, because teaching teenagers about them will make them promiscuous.

The play ‘Vagina Monologues’ was banned, official campaigns for HIV prevention based on abstinence, with Abstinence rallies, promotion of virginity, and something called ‘secondary virginity’ are the in thing. The cultural silence about sex is replaced by the nightmarish ‘no sex’ promotion. Sex is simply a bad thing which is not discussed in polite conversation. Better to talk about how holy ‘no sex’ is, than to talk about hitting the summit with drums roaring, of multiple climaxes, not in polite conversation!

Oh, of course one is not supposed to talk about homosexuality, or homosexual sex, but to condemn it. Was it Queen Victoria who asked what lesbians do in bed? Most Ugandans think that homosexuality is about sex. Sex and only sex.

Someone asked me on this blog, very politely, whether all gay men were as ‘passionate’. I was laughing to myself as I answered that. Surely all men are passionate? Guess I am (mis)-representing African gay men as very open about sex and sexual matters.

Guess I am open. Cant help it. Just have to be, after breaking some of the ‘absolutes’ of my growing up! But I still cant help being what I am, an African man.

So, do I love a ‘moaner’ in bed?

Seriously sis, told you that I am gay. Not hoping to bed you. Not interested. And it still seems creepy for me to tell you about what does happen in my bed with my, err, lover. I bet you do love a moaner, don’t you deT? I am a prude, missionary style only!

GayUganda