Reckless

Am I reckless? Surely not!

Gay, a Ugandan, in Uganda. Surely I have learnt the lessons of caution? Surely...

But, appearances can be deceptive. Maybe I am reckless, in a way. Because I am gay, and Ugandan.

But, first, of the day.

Saturday. No work for me. Woke in bed, to my lover's warmth of body. There is nothing like that, feeling, touching, being with the one you love in the same bed. Instinctively closing to him, moulding body with his. Time stands still, feeling his response to my response. Knowing that he is mine, and I am his.

Got out of bed later. Restless.

Too used to getting out of bed early to stay in for long. And, I love that early morning chorus of birds in trees. I am lucky. Where I live, the trees still are, and birds still sing.

Outside, a heavy cloud hugged the hollows and vales between the hills. Fog on the crowns. And, the sun is a disk through, failing to burn through the haze. A strange morning in Kampala. Different.

I walked the road, and thought.

Life all around is a poem. Author is a master poet, and, it is relentlessly, continously being rewritten.

And as I walk through, almost a stranger, observer on the side, I thought how reckless I am to seek to ruffle this almost smoothly flowing stream.

I mean that interview.

Granted, I have been gay most of life. Known it. Hidden, as only a person can in the midst of life.

So, why do I think it gamine to lift that veil? Anonymity is my most consistent defence. If they don't know about me, they will not attack me. They will not out me, they will not call for my hanging. They will not lynch me. They will not know where to get me to persecute me for imaginary ills like 'recruiting their children'. They will not accuse me of things that cannot be done. Because I am different from them.

Why do I risk prosecution, prison, even judicial death? Why do I so consistently risk overt persecution from them?

Who are they?

My neighbours. My country-mates. The people, the anonymous, common but unknown others who move on the streets of Kampala, of Uganda. My people, my relatives.

I look like them. And, I have worked on perfecting that image. So, why have I risked outing myself?

Why not burrow deeper, get married to a woman, have blessed children, continue having my lover on the side?

Why do I expose myself recklessly? Why don't I take the easier road? Why...

Sorry. The questions have been in my head.

Had to be, since I realised the risk that I ran, lifting the veil of my anonymity to that extent.

No, Anengiyefa. I didn't know that it would have been like so. The promise was the veil would hold. And, I didn't hold the cameras. Truth be told, I don't know how that is done. The experts, they did. And, the promise was I wouldn't be recognised.

Of course, in any battle, hard to gauge the risks taken. Are they worth it? Only if, and when the battle is won. When the war is at an end.

Hard to say, when the war is on going. And, in Uganda, it is ongoing.

But, why recklessly take the risk? Maybe I should ask Val Kalende. She gave the interview that was published in one of the real mass circulation sheets in Uganda. Why did she do it? Why do we so consistently chip away at the veil that hides and protects us? Why do we take risks which we know are reckless, risks that we know may, if we fail, make us lose more than what we think we should?

Its a tough question.

No. It is not courage. I am sorry to say that, little that I do I can think of courageous. Thinking like that is the kind of recklessness which would make me jump off a cliff thinking I will fly. I have to remember the hard landing at the end. And, frankly, that gives me nightmares.

But, think of it this way.

Familiarity breeds contempt. And, I have grown very familiar with the danger, the risks I take on a daily basis. Because I have learnt to sidestep the holes, I kind of start believing in my invulnerability. So, I take greater, and greater risks. And, I try to rationalise them away....

That is why writing something like this is necessary. I need to touch base. To remember that, I have travelled far. I have done a lot. I have reached for the stars, and, maybe. Just maybe, I can touch them.

But, I am still flesh. I bleed when cut. And life is a fragile gift that I am putting on line. For my bloody ideals, which will and do demand their pound of flesh. Nearest the heart, to be overly dramatic.

Reckless?

Yeah. I am.

Risks I take, for ideals that I countenance. I don't believe in martyrdom. Simple foolishness that. Yet, risks I take, and will continue to take because that is what life thrusts at me. Simply to stay happy, to have the joy of waking up in my lover's hands is a risk. Even kissing my lover in our house is a risk, not to be attempted without a look out the windows, to know we are unwatched.

So, if such a common, day to day pleasure is also a risk, what other risks will I allow myself to take in caution?

Put that way, sounds like I am giving myself the licence to risk more.

Sigh..... That was not the aim of this. I must remember to be cautious. Even when the battle rage takes hold. I know, I am no berserker. Never been, never will be.

gug

Val in the US

You remember Val Kalende? She is in the US.

US hosts top Ugandan gay activist 

The US government is hosting self-confessed lesbian, Ms Valentine alias Val Kalende, as “Uganda’s most prominent human rights activist” to enable her gain more lobbying skills to promote the agenda of sexual minorities.

Ms Kalende is in the US on the International Visitor’s Leadership Programme (IVLP) and began her tour in Salt Lake City, Utah on Wednesday and is to proceed to Louisville, Kentucky state before concluding in Washington, D.C. next Thursday, the Department of State announced on Friday.

“This exchange experience is designed to provide her with an in-depth understanding of US government systems and political organisation at all levels; civil rights protections and equal opportunity laws in the United States; advocacy strategies adopted by organisations to influence policy and effect positive change,” the press statement reads in part.

This year’s IVLP, unlike the previous professional exchanges, will focus on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) advocacy.

I am happy for Val. She is a very brave woman. Hey, much braver than I am.... But, guess what, a Uganda government spokesperson couldnt fail to weigh in on the largesse of the Americans in allowing a self-confessed lesbian such a platform.

In Kampala, Information Minister Kabakumba Masiko said whatever Ms Kalende and the Americans are doing “is theirs”. “When she comes back to Uganda, the law is: marriage is a union between man and woman and anything else is unlawful,” Ms Kabakumba said.

“The laws of the US do not bind Uganda. The US would do the world better by telling gays they have a biological and psychological problem instead of hoodwinking them that [their sexual orientation] is natural.”

Oh yes, someone was not happy. But, this gay Ugandan is happy. The laws that the government of Uganda would like to make for such as Val and I mandate life imprisonment or death for us, life imprisonment for being married to my partner, and jail and a fine for my relatives and friends if I ever tell them that I am gay and they don't report me to police within 24 hours.

Oh well.

But, maybe sometimes it is best to tell these government spokespeople to kind of have a pad on their mouths err, a few times? Then I would not have the amunition to throw at them... but, they kind of put my country in a bad light, if you know what I mean....!

Hope your Sunday is ok.

gug

The Baraza in Kampala, Uganda

The forum? I was there. And, I was tweeting it.

But, for reasons beyond my control, I actually failed to report on it. But, there is an excellent report here. Including one, ahem, ahem mp, who proudly said he would kill his son if he was a homosexual. Odonga Otto. Clearly a very disturbed human being.

MP Odonga Otto at the forum

At a human rights forum held Friday morning in Kampala, a Ugandan Member of Parliament said he would kill his son if he discovered he was gay.

The MP, Otto Odonga, was immediately denounced by the forum's keynote speaker, Makau Mutua.

 Makau Mutua

"I am baffled by the kind of hatred you spew against gay people," Mutua said, "including your desire to be a hangman. Would you apply to be a hangman if the person to be hanged were your son?"

When Odonga nodded yes, Mutua said, "There is something deeply wrong with you."

The forum, titled Human Rights and Sexual Orientation, made it clear that many Ugandans do not yet believe that homos are entitled to human rights. The country's MPs are getting set to debate a law that would impose the death penalty on people who engage in gay sex more than once.

"Human rights are not sacrosanct," Odonga said. "Private parts do not belong in the anus. We will not accept this kind of deviant behaviour in our society."

Another MP, Christopher Kibanzanga, angrily spoke out against the "vice" of homosexuality. He asked, "Who are bisexuals? What do they do? Has it just been imported into Africa?"

 Chistopher Kibazanga, MP. Images from Xtra

Most members of the audience — made up of about 80 students, academics, politicians and NGO leaders — appeared to be of sane mind when it comes to sexuality.

MP Christopher Kibanzanga angrily spoke out against the "vice" of homosexuality. He asked, "Who are bisexuals? What do they do? Has it just been imported into Africa?"(Benedicte Desrus / Sipa Press)"Anal sex is not only practiced by homosexuals but also by heterosexuals," said Rubaramira Ruranga, the director of NGENT, a local HIV/AIDS organization. He also disputed the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are somehow un-African. "When I was young," he told the crowd, "I saw men having sex with men in my small village, out in the bush, as we went hunting."

One of the morning's other speakers, Solome Nakawesi-Kimbugwe, said that Uganda — one of the world's poorest countries — should deal with economic issues. "Let's put our priorities where our problems are," she said. "As Ugandans, what we want are laws that are relevant. Homosexuality is not a problem for us."

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But it was her co-presenter, Mutua, who stole the show when he attacked the anti-gay arguments of the two politicians. (Organizers said there were a couple of other MPs in the audience, but they remained quiet.)

Mutua, the chair of Kenya's Human Rights Commission, tore into the MPs as if he was a judge passing sentence onto criminals.

"It's important that we all try to expose ourselves to knowledge, to keep on growing," Mutua said. "People who express extremist views are, in my view, always the ones who have read the least."

The Harvard-educated lawyer went on to liken the MPs' arguments against human rights to comments made by slave owners in the American Civil War. "The kind of speech you made against gay people was the kind of speech that white segregationists were making all over America. Those arguments are classic. They have been reproduced in every era by every segment of society. You didn't invent them."

Mutua went on to say he believes that countries like Canada would be justified in holding back on foreign aid if MPs pass the anti-gay bill. "There are consequences to being a member of the international community," he said. 

And, what can I say but amen to that.

I just wish more MPs were there. In the kind of calm, collected atmosphere Mutua created, divorcing it from the hate smogged outpourings of the rallies, it was instructive. Odonga Otto simply didnt have any answers. He saw it. He knew it. And he walked out.... I had predicted on twitter that he would not dare speak again....!

And, one thing. The reporter did a very good job, but to say that we homosexuals said nothing would not be really right. First, Val Kalende delivered an emotional speech.
Then, there was this lady who dared to say that she had never had an orgasm with the many men that she had slept with. And, that the first time she slept with a woman....! (I bet Ssempa would have loved to be there and film that!, Oooops!)
And, I did stand up and speak. Of course not as gug. Why should I? My closet is wide open, and it just needs a little nudge to come out and flower. But, that was not the forum....

The toll it takes on One

My love is a bit worried.

I have been snapping at him. Not his problem, mine.

On Wednesday, at 7:00pm, is the show Agenda Uganda on NTV. There was a brief of it on the tv, an advert.

Recorded in Jan of this year, at La Bonita theatre, I believe. The topic was the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. And, on one side sat Val Kalende, and on the other, Pastor Male and the others. To say that the crowd was hostile is to understate the obvious.

It will be screened this Wednesday at 7pm.

Ugandans have very little knowledge about homosexuality. But, they feel this immense power pouring out of them in their justification of their hate.

Oh yes, I am feeling down, Because sometimes it kind of strikes you that you live in a sea of hate. What if you are found out?

The riots over the weekend in Mombasa, Kenya? Why, they could easily have happened here. It is just that in Uganda we gay people are so hidden and closeted, that most people actually dont know any homosexual. So, who to vent the anger against?

I watched a clip of the demonstrations in Jinja yesterday. Pastor Ssempa leading Ugandans to demand that the bill becomes law. Here is a clip of it. And, another of the same in Jinja.

I wondered, what would one do if you were caught up in that demonstration, and you were a known gay person? If not known, what would be occurring with you, watching your people go out in a demonstration that is literally aimed at having you dead or in prison?

Oh well. You cant stay low. You fight. And that is what we do. Fight, or sink.

And, we shall fight.

I have just heard on Capital FM that the demos which were there in Jinja yesterday were scheduled for Kampala today, but the police has refused Ssempa and co permission. Thank the deities for that. But, they are getting lots of media attention. We will take back that advantage. Slowly, because one cannot live in this atmosphere of hate. We need to change that.

Ssempa is declaring that the Lent Period is the period of mobilisation, and mass action, to have the bill passed by the end of that. By easter day, the bill should be law. Wish I could get a clip of that. Or an audio. Words are powerful. But, but, his voice is powerful either way.

Here is something you may want to read. A look inside the Pastor Ssempa's anti-gay campaign. And, you can read some accounts of the day that he showed porn at Uganda's National Theatre, near the Parliament. Here is one, and another.

In Malawi, a sweep agains gays is ongoing Oh, the wrath of our people goes on and on against us.

Dont worry. Life still goes on.

And, of the Valentine's day celebration? Here is an article about the same.

gug

Reckless Courage

UPDATE; Yeah, I was lax. Didnt post the link to Val's story in the Monitor. Here it is.

The image is from the Monitor.

Val came out. But, her partner couldnt. So, it is she whose eyes are not...

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I have just been out.

Friday night, and on the streets were the Sat. Morning papers. Early editions. Saw the headline in Saturday Monitor. 'Forbidden Love'. Didnt take too much notice.

Till, a friend sent me an sms. Had I seen the Monitor?

I immediately got a copy. The forbidden love was gay love. And, a lady, a lesbian, Val Kalende, had grabbed the headlines, simply by telling her story. The story of a gay Ugandan who is threatened by this Anti-Homosexual bill. Which is slated to make Uganda 'perhaps the most dangerous place for a homosexual in the world'.

Note. I do not have too much faith in Nsaba-Buturo's statement that the bill no longer has death and life imprisonment. It was made to foreign media, and, he has not said so to Ugandan media. We dont know that it is true!

Anyway, the bill is making us get recklessly courageous. Val comes out, full face photo. With her partner. And the partner is disguised. Nothing is more poignant. They both are risking their very lives, grabbing the headlines like this, when they can. For, when the bill is passed, this kind of article will not be possible. But, she dared to do it. And, she grabbed the headline.

You have been seeing the intense debate outside the country?

Well, it has not been happening in Uganda. The Monitor, second largest in circulation, and the smaller Independent and Observer have been the most consistent in reporting. The New Vision, well, there is no debate on homosexuality ongoing.... No legitimisation of homosexuality by formenting debate. Not from the government owned paper.

I was talking about reckless courage.

Me, I am a coward. Oh, I have detailed what would make me come out. In anger of course. But...

Basically I am a coward. Pressed into a corner, even a gazelle can wound a lion.Maybe a lucky blow will take out an eye. And, that is what is driving some of my friends. They are going out for broke, presenting their slender necks for the dare to slash. For the knife.

Frank Mugisha. David Kato (called Cato in some articles. Dont know why, since his mug was on them.) Another one, Sam Ganafa. Now, Val Kalende.

I know what is driving them. A reckless courage. This bill is so terrible, that, even now, if we cant speak out now, we shall forever be damned. So, they are speaking out. Getting out of the closets, making sure that the world out there in Uganda does know that they are Gay, and that they are Ugandan, and that they are threatened by death and life time imprisonment for being gay and Ugandan.

I salute you, guys and girls. I salute you. Me, who is still hiding in my anonymity, I salute your reckless courage.

Dont know what your lives will be worth once it becomes law. Dont know. Dont want to know. Hope I will not know. But, the very risks that you are exposing yourself to at this particular moment just makes me shiver with fear. I am a coward. But, I thank your reckless courage.

And, by the way, I have to feel some awe for the editor of the Saturday Monitor, who managed to have that story, 'Forbidden Love' become the headline in the paper. Salute!

And, there is also an article detailing that some diplomats, including the US have made an official protest about the bill to the govt. Know what the govt says? That they are the injured party. See, it is a private members bill. And, they dont have an official government position.

Now, to those liars and hypocrites, I can only pull out the Honourable Minister of Ethics and Integrity's statements. About anal sex having no rights, etc....
They are embarassing, even by Ugandan standards. But what do I know? I am gay, you see!

And, the Ugandan media has at last started to publish things about the bill. Here, Nagenda, a New Vision Columnist, comes out against the bill. In very clear words.

Oh, he is pejorative, in his elegant use of the English. But, what is important, that Nagenda, iconic movement supporter, has had an article which calls the bill 'draconian' published. Regarding Homosexuals and Lesbians. In the New Vision, the government owned paper. Owned, and controlled.

I have not been able to get a link to the Monitor article with Val's story. No problem. I will update this story. Today, or when I get a scan of the story and post it on this post.

For now, I salute the courage of one, Val Kalende, and your partner.

You go girl!


gug