Eid Day

It’s a beautiful day outside. Very beautiful, even for Kampala.

(I have a sneaky feeling that my appreciation of it is partly because my mum-in-law has gone back home. But still, it is beautiful.)

How beautiful?

How can I describe it? The sun is out, high. A golden ball of rays in a pale blue sky. Not too hot. Not too mild. Just right. I live in the garden city of Kampala. Not too good a neighbourhood, not too bad. But I live within trees. And those trees are being stirred by a breeze. Intermittent. Cheeky. A stirring of the green now and again.

No rain at the moment. Maybe later in the day. Was there yesterday, but of now, Kampala is basking in beautiful mild weather with a sun that is a warm glowing blessing to all below it.

Kampala. Uganda.

How I love home! Yeah, I am biased, it is home, and I love it, but so what!

Guess what, yeah, it led to this poem. Enjoy!

Heaven

I’m as close to heaven

as I can ‘proximate;

the love of my heart’s in my bed,

the quiet beauty of the morning

to inhale and see I am home,

Mozart’s adagios, cool music to the ear;

And I am alive, living, me.

Close to heaven?

No. Past it, in heaven;

I’m living in heaven on earth.

©GayUganda 12 Oct. 07

Eid Mubarrak to all my Moslem friends. Eid Mubarrak.

GayUganda

In-law; Preparations

Even I could feel the note of panic in my last post. I was. Panicked.

I know, I shouldn’t be. But I just cannot help it.

Monday I woke up early. I do have too much time on my hands, now. So I have to plan it. Don’t want to waste all this beautiful free time.

First, reading some poetry. Getting lost in the world of language, and expression, and beauty. Then I had promised myself to do some reading for something that I have to push myself to do. I did. Adequately, I think.

Then I was supposed to do that which has been on my mind. Preparations. For the in-law. I rolled up my sleeves, changed clothes first, and then got down to it. Scrubbing, cleaning, dusting, wiping. You know the expression ‘nooks and crannies’? You do not have to take out a dictionary. Crannies, that is the word I want. I know it, from experience. They are the deepest, darkest, dirtiest holes that have not seen a wipe since… since… , the closest reference I can get is CHOGM. That comes once in 50 years, not so? Well, what I was doing was not spring cleaning. That is too often. And I searched them out, and dusted them. The crannies.

I think I feel for house help. They earn all their money, and more. And I have got some sympathy for M7, preparing for you know what. Imagine all those potholes which have been repaired, and dug and remodelled and… turned into crater lakes in the middle of Kampala’s roads? At least he can blame the transport minister, who can blame someone else, down the ladder of responsibility. There are 64 ministers. The chain will soon find a suitable underling.

But I cannot. Pass the blame that is. Not onto my in-law’s beautiful son. He will be the blameless one, not so?

While I was still searching for them (crannies), they arrived. The son and the in-law.

I remembered 27^th advice. I was supposed to put my best foot forward. Not into my mouth; but that is what happened. Poor me.

You see, my tribe puts a lot of emphasis on that initial greeting. The host is supposed to be settled down, ready. I was caught in the middle of chogm preparations. Unprepared. I excused myself, to finish what I was doing. Then the son came and demanded why I had not greeted his mom. I could have kicked him in the b…. They turn, change. No longer is it the person who loves me. A stranger now.

I answered that I had not finished something. I was fierce. He laughed, told me gently that in his tribe, the host greets the visitor immediately.

As I was still looking at him in anger, at his carefree laugh and lack of concern, a cock crowed.

Yes. Not a chicken. A cock crowed in the sitting room, where my mum-in-law was seated.

Will I survive this visit?

GayUganda

Mum-in-law Coming

Mum-in-law coming, well, big deal you will think. Why the panic?

Dont tell me I shouldn't have jitters because she is coming. I know, I should not, but I do.

I have met her before. Soon after we met, my mate took me to his home, deep upcountry. I was very much in love. He insisted, and it was the one person that I absolutely had to know in his world. Not his dad, who knows we live together in Kampala, but I had to be introduced to his mom.

So I went.

We did not clue in the family to our relationship. Just visited. I am absolutely terrible with languages. I was barely able to communicate with my in-laws. Could only talk with my lover when I was there. But I enjoyed the visit. Though I have since managed to duck out of going back.

Now, turns out that I can communicate with my mother-in-law, in a language I absolutely had to learn a while ago, and I remember a smattering of. She also knows it, though she is very reluctant to use it. But the only alternative is my mother tongue, which she has a smattering of, but hates. Positively hates! Tribal differences, before my time.

Over the years, we have talked a few times on the phone. With my lover instigating the contacts, and when we were not able to communicate, he insists that we can use the other language.

So, the lady is ill. Needs medical attention in Kampala. Her son tells her to come; and then insists that she informs me, the in-law, to ask for permission. I am suprised by the call, and immediately agree. When I ask him, he is like he has (stolen/eaten) the cream pudding. We make the arrangements, or he does them, as I look on.

He knows I am nervous. Of course he does.

Gosh, she has visited before, but not for this long, and well, she now absolutely has a great idea on what is happening with us!

Anyway, think about this. No more moving around the house in Adam's suits, until further notice. No amorous attention one to the other when we are all locked in. No spontaneous kisses, no sudden hugs, no coming behind him and holding him in my arms. No lying in each others laps when in the sitting room. No sex (when we can be over heard. Terrible, a week's abstinence!)

Gosh, the litany of things that I will have to watch is too long!

And then, there are the cultural things. Some differ because we are different tribes, but some are the same. I have grown up in town, and have not been that much in contact, so I don't know all of them. But, I think am not supposed to touch her. Not in greeting or even by mistake.

I think that is the same for both of us. But he has touched my mom in greeting! Maybe I am confused, will have to ask him. Does she use the back door? At all? Or not? Can we use the same bathroom? We have only one!

Now, I have too much time on my hands. Means that I will have to be home with her. Damn.

I will have to talk to her, when he is not around. Will she tell me off for corrupting her son? Far as I remember, it was mutual, but, would she believe it of her baby? Of course I must be the bad one!

Oh, she will have to know, I mean, she knows, and she has accepted it that we are a couple! And he is so much in control with his family that I think I will be ok. But you never know, all those tales of the terrible monster-in-law happen when the lover is not around! Where will I hide?

A family of two gay african men. We are going to re-write quite a number of the customs. And the expectations. And we are going to do it, look after our family! Queesy thought! Ugh!

Well, wish me well and keep posted.

GayUganda

The In-laws; Introduction

I want to share a bit more about my, er, our extended family. Our respective in-laws. Guess I will explain as we go along the reason.

Ok, I am a gay man. An African, and Ugandan. Got that?

I have lived with another man, a gay man, an African too. Hope you got that too.

Now, because we are both Africans, we do not come alone to each other. We have our extended families to consider. My lover’s is big, extensive. He is the eldest boy, heir presumptive to his dad. He has the requisite responsibilities of the elder son. Look after the family issues, mediate parents’ quarrels, judge between the siblings, present a tough official family face to his bako (sisters’ husbands), and of course, when there are problems in the marriages of his sisters (younger and older) he is the one to talk to the in-laws and show his and the family displeasure at the men’s heavy handedness. In the literal sense, you know.

Then there is me. I must admit I am a bit of a disconnect. A long journey it has been, but still, I am. My family is more ‘urbanite’. Yes, I am the son, till a short while ago, heir presumptive to my dad. (don’t think it is still in the works, not until a heir I present, my son, understood?).

Most of my brothers are married, with children. Kind of decreases my worth as a heir-less heir! My sisters too. And they are all pretty independent. Less work for me, protecting them from heavy handed husbands. Less likely to mediate in marital conflicts.

Oh, we are different tribes, me and my mate. Differences in assumed duties for the male of the family. Small, but they are there.

Anyway, after years of living together, we decided to adopt our extended families into our own family. Translation, we know that they are our parents, instead of just one guy’s parents. Our unit is very odd, irregular to say the least. But I do have a mum and a dad living, meaning that my lover has a mother in law, and a father in law. And also sisters, and brothers, and cousins, etc.

Still together?

I have been ‘outed’ very openly in the last few months. So, I discovered that many in my family knew about what has been happening with me. That is, they knew about my relationship with another, err, man!

I don’t know how they reacted when they found out. I know my elder brother was ok with it. He carries more weight with me than most of the others. He is a pastor, but we are good together. And he welcomed my lover into the family, with words and actions which warmed my heart.

I have also noticed that my ‘full’ brother and one of my ‘full’ sisters have acted, a bit cold over the last few years? They are born again, Pentecostals, so maybe I am the one who is suspicious. I have not yet got the guts to talk to them, face to face. Gosh, it takes more guts than I do have at the moment. The others, ‘half’-sibs, (a distinction lost to me, but pretty important to my lover), they have not shown much running away from me. At least I have not noticed it.

For my lover, he was out to his mother. He told her years ago. At first I thought it was because they are very close. Later, I discovered that it was a chance meeting with a cousin of his (also gay!) in a 'gay' bar which made him rush off to tell his mom. He did not want her surprised by ‘rumours’. He thought she would be devastated if it was someone else who told her that her beloved son was gay. So he did. And he also told her about me.

She has accepted us.

So has my dad, who is a surprise that I am still appreciating. We are still to talk; shows how much a coward I am.

Anyway, that is my, our extended family, in reasonable detail, uh?

Now the reason, the bomb.

My mother-in-law is coming to stay for a week or so.

GayUganda