Monday, October 1, 2007

First of the Month, You are fired.

Ok. Not realy fired. But understand that we need less of your services. So, will you take a cut in the income?

As a good suspicious employee, I will suspect that something is happening. I have worked too long for my dear employer to be summarily dismissed. But, that can be done in increments. And I may decide to resign to prevent further embarassment. Not being needed, but you hang on desperately.

Pathetic?

Maybe, and maybe not. Ok, I was outed by the Red rug. That was last month. I thought that I had done something to create a soft landing for myself. I talked to my immediate boss. I talked to my ultimate boss. And things seemed to be cool.
A few days to the end of the month, I get the 'bad' news. Lots of apologies, lots of sorries, but it all adds up to me losing part of my income. And being left with this suspicious feeling that it is because of my damned sexuality. Or the sudden suspicion of it that my colleagues at work have!

Yet I am lucky. I am like most Ugandans. A lot of part time jobs to make the ends meet. It is at the other places that a fight has been occuring, just beneath the surface, buy my friends seem to be winning- I still am a member of that team. For how long?

And I am lucky. I do have options. A friend was about to start a job. Suddenly that is on hold. Another is seeing suspicious foot dragging on a number of things at work. Others are having it worse. Others better.

Expected. The fact that my sexuality was so blatantly announced by the Red rug made it a given. People would know. People would gossip. And those with the ability to do something about it, in the name of god, or country, or morality, or sheer 'hate' would try to do something. And what proof have I about that? Absolutely nothing. Except I did not expect to have a decrease in income so fast, so unexpectedly, with such short notice.

But I am alive.

Think of the brighter side. I can stay up looking at the sky, reading and writing poetry. And doing things which I would rather not mention here. And I do have options!

So, nothing to do but to stay alive. And to be resilient.

We Ugandans are tough and resilient. We are, and very much a product of a tough environment. It can be tougher for me. But you know, we still are.

Not quite the time to start looking for a job. Too many people remember, it is too soon. But you know, the memories will slide, and something will happen, and I will still have my skills, and I will still be able to get a job, or something.

I am still alive, so, yeah, I can take the blow. And roll on, and I can be myself. No thanks, no pity for me. Even my lover will not be able to give it to me.

GayUganda

5 comments:

The 27th Comrade said...

Hi, GUG.

Shit. This is sad. Sad.
It is, of course, a message that they want you out, either by yourself, or by themselves (if you don't resign). It's sad. Because it is because you're gay.

You know, like I always say, these homophobes make it ashaming for me to be a homophobe. I mean, I can't be one of those. Me, I hate in style. With class. :o)

Okay, forget the closing of the above line, but ... this is sad. Just promise me one thing:
Don't get a job with people who will do the same thing when the Red Rag goes to the streets again. I mean, you said "But you know, the memories will slide, and something will happen, and I will still have my skills, and I will still be able to get a job, or something." That's the wrong approach. Get a job whether or not the memories have slidden or not, when they know that you are gay. That way, they'll take you as you are, not as they want you to be, or as they hope you aren't ...

Okay, hoping for the best for you. Oh, and yes, get a new job. That's the message. Get it while you are still getting a salary, so that you don't sink into desperation and settle for a shit job. Get it on your own accord, before they force you to. Get it with these foreign NGOs that encourage people like you - mention the gay thing, and you'll get lots of pity. (That's one of the reasons I hate the NGOs - how would they feel if I went spreading polygamy and the like? But still, they are your best option now.)
And tell the company you're leaving that they are wrong to be homophobic (without being militant, just informative).

Go with God.

cinderella said...

my goodness 27th, never knew that the "communist" in you could actually have such inspirational words.

that is really sad gug and totally unfair. he is right, you shouldn't wait until it dies down but get a job where they will not find out after a while and decide to again try to throw you out. you do not necessarily have to go all out and tell every one of them but if they do ask, let them know about it.

gayuganda said...

Thanks 27th, Cindy.

The comrade is putting the 'god' back in the definition of communist.

Told you you are a good guy, didnt I?

I played with fire. I am singed. Of course someone may want me out. I may just make it as hard as possible.

Where in Uganda would I be able to say, I lost my job because I am gay, give me one? Those NGOs are staffed by Ugandans. And of course it will always be a risk.

I have options. Will work it out. Have to! I dont plan to leave the country. Not for that reason. Will work it out.

Thanks for the prayers.

gug

joshi said...

thats just fucked up what happened, rejection coz ur gay..know how that feels..yeah i have been called gay..dead..and loads of other crappy names but eventually you will settle in a place where you can be in ur element. Keep ya head up and keep walkin

gayuganda said...

Thanks Joshi,

wandered over to your blog, curious about that sneaky way you write. Great it is.

Funny, no one has ever even realy called me gay! But you know, as I was telling someone recently, it is not stapled onto our chins or something.

Read about Graeme Le Saux experiences in that, and I agree. Sucks, whether you are or not, it sucks. Sucks more when you have to lose something because of bloody sexuality. What the hell does it matter, but?

I am not Ssempa, I am not Buturo. And I am gay. Guess I may not understand why a person chooses me as an enemy!

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