We are always telling lies.
Uganda's ethics and integrity minister Nsaba Buturo dismissed the activists' accusations.
"They [the activists] are always lying," Buturo said. "It's their way of mobilizing support from outside, they are trying to get sympathy from outside. It's part of the campaign."
[Gosh, I am feeling really riled by this. Want to strangle someone. Have to remember, yes, denial of the pain they cause is one of the most important characteristics of the virtuous Pharisee. All that they do is 'for your good' and, the 'greater good'. The pain is good for you. So, how can they see the pain of a simple, gay Ugandan like me?]
No. We [gay Ugandans] are always telling lies. To get attention. To gain sympathy. To make the world support us. To get money. [Note, I havent yet got the 20M USD that Buturo said I was to receive...]
When our names are published in the newspapers, and we are outed to the rest of our communities, in homophobic Uganda, we are getting our just deserts. And, when they throw words as stones, and they hurt, and we complain of pain, we are lying.
We lie that we are gay? Uh, no.... actually, for safety, we lie that we are not gay.
That is how we can fit in in our society, in Uganda. That is how we can get jobs, stay on the village, be thought virtuous and upstanding as our mates. And, gay people, gay Ugandans are out to get the children of Ugandans, to recruit them into the vice, to turn them, and corrupt them. How can we tell the truth? How can we say that we are the pariahs?
So, we lie. Bite me. I do lie.
For safety, to be saved from the likes of Buturo, and his friend Ssempa who believes that, since someone has told him that Pastor Kayanja and Father Musaala are gay, they must be gay. If they deny, of course, they are lying.
[Note to self. One of these days, I will come out and say, yes Ssempa, yes Buturo, I am so and so, and I am gay.]
So, the red rug and rolling stone publish details of us. Names, photos, recognisable. Where we stay, and where we work. And, if we are hurt because we are exposed, we lie. Our pain is a lie. Of course.
So, if Uganda is such a virtuous paradise for us gays, why do we remain closeted? Why don't we proclaim it on the roof tops?
Why have I feared for years to mention the fact that I am gay? Why is it such news when I am accused of being gay, by people like Paul Kagaba, who I have never slept with? Why is it news?
Of course this is not the first time to come across this. Fact of life. And, it is not going to be the last time. My pain is not going to be seen by my torturer. He, or she, just revels in the grimace, the torture that my soul endures at their hand.
Like in the recent gay suicides in the US. Those virtuous Christians who insist on their right to tell gay teens the 'truth' about sexual orientation. They must tell them. Because it is the 'truth'. Even when this truth leads to a child killing themselves. [sorry for the bitterness, but, after all, they are homosexuals. Good riddance.]
Yeah, there is a sort of horrified pain when I feel the total lack of compassion amongst people who I should not even consider.
There was that suicide of an 18 year old who went to a town council meeting, and listened to some horrific hate speech. No, he shouldn't have killed himself. But, the words that were spoken, bitter, terrible, hateful, those words cut him to the bone. He might have consciously stood up to them. But, he couldnt. Sorry man. It was a momentary lapse. On your part. But, what of your elders who did speak, the speech of venom, and them in righteous self congratulation in 'saying it like it is'?
They will not allow us the luxury of self pity. So, self pity we shall not embrace. Our lives, our livelihoods are just that more precious to us than to them.
[Shrug] We shall fight. Not because we want. But, because we must.