Monday, October 8, 2007

Mum-in-law Coming

Mum-in-law coming, well, big deal you will think. Why the panic?

Dont tell me I shouldn't have jitters because she is coming. I know, I should not, but I do.

I have met her before. Soon after we met, my mate took me to his home, deep upcountry. I was very much in love. He insisted, and it was the one person that I absolutely had to know in his world. Not his dad, who knows we live together in Kampala, but I had to be introduced to his mom.

So I went.

We did not clue in the family to our relationship. Just visited. I am absolutely terrible with languages. I was barely able to communicate with my in-laws. Could only talk with my lover when I was there. But I enjoyed the visit. Though I have since managed to duck out of going back.

Now, turns out that I can communicate with my mother-in-law, in a language I absolutely had to learn a while ago, and I remember a smattering of. She also knows it, though she is very reluctant to use it. But the only alternative is my mother tongue, which she has a smattering of, but hates. Positively hates! Tribal differences, before my time.

Over the years, we have talked a few times on the phone. With my lover instigating the contacts, and when we were not able to communicate, he insists that we can use the other language.

So, the lady is ill. Needs medical attention in Kampala. Her son tells her to come; and then insists that she informs me, the in-law, to ask for permission. I am suprised by the call, and immediately agree. When I ask him, he is like he has (stolen/eaten) the cream pudding. We make the arrangements, or he does them, as I look on.

He knows I am nervous. Of course he does.

Gosh, she has visited before, but not for this long, and well, she now absolutely has a great idea on what is happening with us!

Anyway, think about this. No more moving around the house in Adam's suits, until further notice. No amorous attention one to the other when we are all locked in. No spontaneous kisses, no sudden hugs, no coming behind him and holding him in my arms. No lying in each others laps when in the sitting room. No sex (when we can be over heard. Terrible, a week's abstinence!)

Gosh, the litany of things that I will have to watch is too long!

And then, there are the cultural things. Some differ because we are different tribes, but some are the same. I have grown up in town, and have not been that much in contact, so I don't know all of them. But, I think am not supposed to touch her. Not in greeting or even by mistake.

I think that is the same for both of us. But he has touched my mom in greeting! Maybe I am confused, will have to ask him. Does she use the back door? At all? Or not? Can we use the same bathroom? We have only one!

Now, I have too much time on my hands. Means that I will have to be home with her. Damn.

I will have to talk to her, when he is not around. Will she tell me off for corrupting her son? Far as I remember, it was mutual, but, would she believe it of her baby? Of course I must be the bad one!

Oh, she will have to know, I mean, she knows, and she has accepted it that we are a couple! And he is so much in control with his family that I think I will be ok. But you never know, all those tales of the terrible monster-in-law happen when the lover is not around! Where will I hide?

A family of two gay african men. We are going to re-write quite a number of the customs. And the expectations. And we are going to do it, look after our family! Queesy thought! Ugh!

Well, wish me well and keep posted.



Iwaya said...

meeting the in-laws, even for straight people is quite an ordeal! On the other hand, you could use the time alone with her to learn things about him you never knew from her!

gayuganda said...

Grumble, grumble,

that is if we can communicate at all...


The 27th Comrade said...

Generally, mothers are more-accommodating of deviance. That's why they are mums, in the first place.

gayuganda said...


Language, err, deviance????

They are mums. But, you she, she is him mom. Me, I am the in-law.

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