Gay, and Christian

A beautiful morning.

Remember the rain yesterday? It washed the air of dust. Kind of wiped it from the leaves, so the banana frond sails are firm, turgid, greener than they have been in a long while. There is dust, here and there, brown, but for the moment it is dampened, tied down. More than likely, the sun will out later in the day, bake the soil, and release clouds of the infamous brown red cloud which seems to be such a permanent addition to Kampala these days.

It is cool. Overcast, dull compared to the bright sunny days of last week. It might clear.

Sunday morning.

Church time for many people. Not me. Well, I don’t believe…!

But some do, many believe, and I have to defend their right to a faith of their own.

Have a friend, close. He is kuchu. Accepts that, one of those who couldn’t hide it way back when he was in school. Came out naturally- a flaming queen, would be the parlance.

He is conflicted. His faith, his sexuality.

He believes. Deeply. And he is also gay. Without question.

My compromise, my faithlessness bothers him. Enough. Yet he finds it hard to challenge me in light of the hostility of those people of faith to him. It seems as if he is the hypocrite, being both gay and a Christian. And I, who rejects religion and faith and am proud of my sexuality, enough to throw it into detractors faces, am not.

His is a conflict I lived, for a while, and bowed out of. My decision, my compromise. Or my non compromise.

But knowing him, I have suddenly realized that to him, faith is so important a part of him that it should not be destroyed. He lives, he believes, and he is. A part of him. He tells me all his large extended family is a family of believers. He believes, but because he is gay, he sees himself living a hypocritical kind of life. His sexuality versus his faith. A false choice.

Faith is a part of him. And my ruthless example is not something that he can follow. Nor should he.

Funny. I saw him yesterday and I realized that we don’t really talk about faith. Or faith issues. I know it is bothering him, enough to cause problems with the expression of his sexuality. And with expression of his faith too. I don’t know whether he realizes that.

But he is a strong character. I wish him the best.

I know his is a conflict many gay people face. And the way we resolve it affects us greatly. I mean, what if it is true that Pastor Kayanja and Father Musaala are really gay? They must have faced that kind of conflict. And resolved it, as well as they could. But unsatisfactorily, at least…

Well, those demons can come back to haunt us.

Have a good Sunday. Go to church or your worship house. And remember those who are gay and believers.

Have a beautiful Sunday.

gug