Words weightier than Stones

Words have weight. And, they give insight into how we think, as human beings.

'Gay' and 'Homosexual'. Two words, same meaning... or they would be 'scientifically' but- a world of difference. I am gay, or a homosexual. But, I have learnt to identify as gay, because the word 'homosexual' is used as a perjorative.

No, it is not really an issue of language... using English, being westernized. My mother tongue does have a word for my sexual orientation. [Duh, do not believe the nonsense that it is a 'western' import!]. What I find funny is the fact that, I do sense the negative connotation whenever anyone uses it to talk about me and my partner. And, of course we call ourselves 'kuchus'. Most direct translation would be 'Queers'.

Why the play on words?

Because, words have meanings, and weight. And, a community, whatever community of human beings it is, would not feel proud condemning themselves in the words of 'others'. Of course, words can be liberated. 'Queer' was liberated. Seems no longer to carry the same weight as 'faggot' does it?

I have noted in Google searches that the search for 'gay' gives significantly different results from 'homosexual'. Good Right wing Christians cannot find it in their hearts to call us gay. According to them, because we are homosexual, we cannot be gay. During the anti-homosexuality bill campaign, Ssempa was using lots of other words. Sodomites, Homosexualites. And others. Oh, I am not lying. Not at all.

But of course, in this 'cultural war' where a war can be a war, truth is usually an early casualty. Makes me laugh, to find that good old proffessional Christians are not averse to embracing hate, but also lies, as long as the hate and lies are directed towards homosexuals.

There is a website, the person editing it is called David Virtue. And, he calls it Virtue online. Website is definitely anti-gay. What is most interesting is how a person who is proffesionally a believer in Christ wallows in hate. Don't believe me? Well, you can check it out and make a table of the positives vs the negatives about a particular class of people that he calls 'homosexuals'

I can throw stones at Christians.

When one point out that to me, I am too happy to point out that I am no Christian. You are a Christian? Then walk the talk. If you don't, why, I will point out the logs in your eyes....

---

Some good news, and thanks to some good, old fashioned, righteous outrage, Castor Semenya is not too much of a man, nor too little of a woman.

The African runner Caster Semenya has been given the all-clear by the IAAF over her gender tests and will compete this month, her agent says.

The 19-year-old has been out of the sport for 11 months after her gender came under scrutiny at the World Championships in Berlin last August,

Rumours spread about her masculine appearance and the International Association of Athletics Federations (IAAF) demanded she undergo gender tests after she won the 800m in 1min 55.45sec.

She was banned from competing by Athletics South Africa until her results came back.

Although she has been cleared, the IAAF will reportedly not release any more details of her results, which would have included physical and chromosomal checks.

--

So, Castor does not fall in the good old boxes of male, or female. She hasnt for the whole of her life. But, she has to fit. Who will it benefit? Certainly not Castor. But, her competition. And, why the hell would an international body even think of releasing the 'results' of a person's gender tests? Asinine. Because we are different, are we not human enough to warrant privacy? No wonder Bahati in Uganda warranted forcing doctors, counsellors to report us to the 'authorities' anytime that we came out to someone... on pain of a fine and imprisonment.

That is why we gays, and lesbians, and queers so completely identify with intersex people. They are different, as we are different. And, sadly, the world would like to force us into its own concept of what is 'normal'. Whether it in our interest as human beings or not.

gug

Shall I compare thee…

to a summer’s day?

Once, seemingly long time ago, I was window shopping on Kampala Road. Walked into Aristoc Bookshop, and started doing my usual browsing.

I was into novels. Naturally gravitated to the usual end of the bookstore. But, on the way, I thought I should look through some other books.

Hand took out at random a hard cover book. Found it was some literary commentary on Shakespeare’s Sonnets. The type of book I found naturally boring and a huge waste of ink. Or so I thought.

The book fell open on Sonnet 18, and, lazily, curiously, I read it. And, I have been hooked ever since. I read the Sonnets. Re-read those plays that I hadn’t read in a while. I started frequenting the more ‘literary’ ends of bookshops, looking for hardcore literature, something which amazed me at the time, given my taste in books then. I was used to benching a novel within hours. Literally reading it from cover to cover at one seating. But now, I discovered the joy of reading a verse, and letting it settle in the mind. A few grains of salt on the sea of my mind, to mull, and think about. To appreciate.

Sometimes afterwards, I was traveling. Remember had very little money, but with the time to enter a bookshop. And browse, as usual. There was this copy of Shakespeare’s sonnets. A ‘thrift edition’, and I triumphantly carried it home with me. A memento of a journey that I still carry. The pages are yellow-brown. Marked with my untidy handwriting with notes that I never read. Don’t know why I even put them down. Maybe a reminder of a long forgotten era of school and notes while reading…

I am into poetry. And I still find the Sonnets fascinating.

So, once in a while, I remember my ‘thrift edition’. Yes, I do have a newer book, but the older one is handy, dirty, bedraggled, and infuriating to my partner. And it is so handy that I would rather carry that with me when I am into reading the sonnets.

Today, I woke up to reading Sonnet 18…., or rather, I slept mulling on it, and woke up to it. My love, knowing that he would not be able to part me from it, took some tape and repaired the spine, which gave up spinely duties about a couple of years ago.

Beautiful writing. At one time I did hope that I could write as well. Like looking to the moon, to have and to hold, the sun a crown round ones head.

These days I am less idealistic. Will settle for re-reading the bedraggled sonnets line by line. Mull them over, and write a few lines now and then in another book. The world cup is on. Naturally, the whole city is asleep when an African team, or any of the big ones, is playing. Ghana is coming up with a win as I finish writing. Sigh…. why aren’t I that into football? But, I do declare the men look beautiful.

Oh, did I tell you that I am gay?!



gug

Star crossed lovers and Apologies

Poor Steven and Aunt Tiwo…! From PinkNews UK

Yesterday, it was reported they had split up. The pair gave differing accounts of their relationship, while a gay rights campaigner claimed they had been forced apart by homophobia.

Although a local newspaper quoted Mr Monjeza as saying he had been coerced into the marriage ceremony they were arrested for, he told the Guardian he was "no longer in love" with Mr Chimbalanga and was planning a future with a 24-year-old woman called Dorothy.

He said he no longer wanted anything to do with homosexuality.

Mr Chimbalanga said he was "not disappointed" and would find another man to marry.

"There are lots of good men around. I will remain a gay," he said.

Mr Chimbalanga added: "What you should know is that nobody forced him when we did our symbolic wedding in December."

He also claimed Mr Monjeza had been pressured by his relatives to find a woman to marry.

Mr Monjeza's uncle, Khuliwa Dennis Monjeza, said he would ensure a reunion did not take place and claimed Mr Chimbalanga had been warned to stay away.

And, one should give a hearty laugh to the assertions of Steven’s uncle. Poor man…! On the positive side, coming out has good effects, for us as gay people, and to the ‘gay agenda’, that deep, dark, insidious, people killing, and to-be-feared of all things…. When people do know that gay people are real human beings, it is harder for some to convince them that they ‘eat da poo poo’!

Apologies all around?

That is what it seems like to me. First, there was Exodus International. (Or, was there another that I wasn’t aware of?). Then I saw that Canyon Ridge Christian Church was putting out a statement carefully explaining its relationship with Martin ‘eat the poo poo’ Ssempa.  Then, The Call, of Lou Engle also comes up with an apology, which frankly, is no apology to me.

Why all this furore? And at this time?

Maybe the delayed effects of the ‘Missionaries of Hate’ Documentary from Current TV. Matter of fact, I haven’t watched the final. But I did have the luck to participate, and I know a thorough job was done. It is interesting that the problems that are highlighted are those that we have kind of voiced for a long time. Hate wrapped in hypocritical, ‘religious love’ and then sanitized and preached with little real love there. What the documentary does (or, I think it does), is to put in pictures what words have failed to convey. In addition to removing the bias of me being the teller….! The groups in the US which had blindly given support to Ssempa and his friends have had some eye opening to do. At least that is what I think is happening with the running away. Uganda’s Christian Talibans. That is what we kuchus call Martin and friends. But who would have believed us? However it has occurred, it is something good for us. In a kind of way, some breathing space. The homophobia is still going strong in Uganda. And, Martin and his ‘National Anti-Homosexuality Taskforce’ is still alive and kicking. Saw a video on Youtube recently. Not very sure whether it is the taskforce which put it up. He is with his Moslem friends, and Christian friends to back him up, and he, of course is the main spokesperson. The battle is still on.

Martin Ssempa is a truly charismatic leader, and his bee in the bonnet is homosexuality.

That is why it is important that other things do continue.

It is important to continue emphasizing that the homophobic flames, which are fuelled in part by faith, and the politics of having a whipping dog, continue being shown for what they are. Ssenyonjo is continuing that crusade in the US. He is an effective emissary on our part, not least of all because he has actually been vilified, and continues to do so in Uganda because of his stand. You would think that ‘Christians’ would support a Christian for being Christian…. Not in the matter of love for homosexuals, apparently. We are deep into American ‘Cultural Wars’, and we have, perforce to understand them. And use whatever advantages that we can have. Proxy wars can kill, however abstract they are.

Have a good day.

gug

Absurdities

Or, for laughs.

You would think that the proprietors of the 'God Hates Fags' Church would be great supporters of Pastor Martin Ssempa, wouldnt you? Well, apparently not.

Just read this article. Seems to suggest that these guys believe even Ssempa will go to hell. Period. Very interesting!!!!! Or it might be that it has become impossible to come out in support of the Bahati Bill. That would be good, but, why, why is it that some do support it? Guess we are all different.
---
Now, I would say that being gay has inspired my writing. And, it is a gay romance that inspired most of Shakespeare's sonnets [at least that is what I think. Some of the most beautiful love poetry in the world]. But, apparently, it was different with EM Forester. Not discovering that he was gay until 38 years of age, gay relationships kind of zapped his creativity? I am glad that there are people like Elton John, Oscar Wilde, Leornado da Vinci and Shakespeare to kind of weigh back on such an assertion.... People like Ssempa would realy love the former assertion. Here.

The sharp decline in Forster's output has always mystified historians, but now a dossier of his private papers has revealed how growing personal contentment stunted his literary drive.

 After suppressing his sexuality as a young man, Forster, who was known to his friends as Morgan, lost his virginity to a wounded soldier in 1917 while working for the Red Cross in Egypt.

That sexual awakening in his late 30s led to a series of romances with working class men including a tram conductor and two policemen.

After publishing A Passage to India, arguably his greatest work, in 1924, Forster spurned the novel and most creative endeavours for the rest of his life, publishing only occasional short stories, essays and plays.

Wendy Moffat, associate professor of English at Dickinson College, Pennsylvania, who uncovered Forster's secret "sex diary" while researching a new biography of the novelist, said that the energy of his early years was drained by physical fulfilment.

She also believes that Forster lost interest in the middle-class domestic dramas that had been his forte as he dabbled with London's homosexual subculture on his return to Britain.

I am gay. Translation, biased in my view of this. But, I dare think that the 'conclusion' is not something that common sense would support!

On a less humourous note, Bishop Ssenyonjo is making it it all the way to the White house. Good for him. Apparently, by the time I post this, he will have made it there.

gug

Rumblings

It is not easy to be gay.

Not even in Britain! Just got to go through some of my stuff, and came across the case of David Laws…. a former British Cabinet Secretary. Though the problem was not really his sexuality. Or, maybe it was. The closet for gay men is a powerful influence on the things that we do, say, and are. 

Reminds me of the gay Republican California state senator. One day he was very straight and a gay basher. Then he became a repentant man, tearfully accepting that he was gay. And, now he is even acknowledging, in his fear of being outed, he did hurt people like himself. Fact of life. The closet does make us do funny, self hurting things. From suicide, to other self hating, self defeating things. Whether we are in the west, east, or in dear Uganda.

Can the church help here? Depends. On many things. But, in many cases, the Church, and religion is an institution which scares us deeper into closets. See what is happening in the Catholic church….  seeking to actively exclude gay people from a celibate priesthood! Ha ha ha ha…, and that laugh is one of bitter irony. Hypocrisy entrenched, institutionalised. Is that better than this bishop here? I guess my disappointment with all aspects of organised religion will continue. Man, human beings can be good. Nothing seems to bring out the evilness of man like good old organised religion. Especially in the hate of minorities, when religion has the gall to give absolution to those who hate.

----

Woke up late,

a sunny day promised, summer sunny, little rain or cloud if any. I aim to do a prowl of the web, think, debate. Not the botched Israel raid on a peace flotilla- kind of over my head, though it is kind of interesting. The sheer hugeness of the PR machine, the spin even when spin is not working and makes everything just worse. The circling of the wagons mentality. I tend to think that this analysis is spot on with regards to the planning and actual events. 

The whole point of the "Gaza flotilla" was to get a reaction out of Israel and call international attention to the problem of the blockade of Gaza. Israeli officials described it as "a provocation" and I'm not sure that was entirely incorrect: like all other acts of civil disobedience it was designed to provoke a response. I'm shocked but not surprised that the Israeli military, which was determined to prevent those ships from reaching the Gaza port, managed to mishandle the situation so badly that, as present report stand, at least 10 flotilla participants were killed and 60 injured.

Maybe something has happened in Uganda, apart from the defeat of the ruling party (NRM) in a by-election. The MP elect, one Nambooze, is to be sworn in today. That has been a saga in its own right. Life does move on, and we do live history.

Have to move on. Have a good day.

gug

Greetings!

Hi, to all and sundry!

Absent, totally absent and not communicating. That is what has been happening with me.

My apologies to all friends and well wishers. Sometimes it kind of gets to one, and then one has to hunker down so as not to be consumed by one's own self.....

Best thing is, I am rested.

Masses of emails to go through. No. My world does not stop and wait for me just because I am doing so..... Means that I will have to limp on for some time before I catch up with all and sundry. Bear with me....

Have been feeling the blogging fires steering for sometime now.... but, what tipped the balance was hearing that the two guys in Malawi, the couple that celebrated their wedding, that they have been granted a presidential pardon.

BLANTYRE, Malawi – Malawi's president on Saturday pardoned and ordered the release of a gay couple sentenced to 14 years in prison, but warned that homosexuality remains illegal in the conservative southern African nation.

President Bingu wa Mutharika said he would release Tiwonge Chimbalanga and Steven Monjeza on "humanitarian grounds only." He made the announcement during a press conference with U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon in Lilongwe, the capital.

Of course, I would prefer that they were not condemned in the first place. And, they have endured at least 3 months in prison....

But, they are free to go. Ask yourself, in a country as conservative as Malawi, where even the judge refused to bail them for reasons of 'protecting them from the community'..... Where are they free to go to?

But, they are free.

Have you been following the Anti-Homosexuality Bill in Uganda? Ha! Hope you have.... There is a fabulous documentary, a must see by Current TV.
We are the stars... but I bet you most Ugandans will not see it. Neither have I. But, I am told that it is very interesting. Title is 'Missionaries of Hate'.

Be well.

And, thanks again, for the good wishes when I was incommunicado.


gug

Some mail

I do get lots of mail.

Some, I send it to myself. Just because I feel like, err, getting mail. I just want to torture myself, if you know what I mean.

Now, this one dropped into my e-box 7 hours ago. Time check now is 20:44

I am James, from Mbale, i read about you in the Observer of monday and wanted to contact you about that bussiness, can you help me join you i am desparete, i don't have a job and need money, do you premise me some thing? please call me on XXXXXXXXX, i will be greatfull, of course i am hudsome and attractive, let me hope its confidential?, nice time. JAMES

'course, I was in shock when I received that.

Hey,

what business???

Do you actually believe the Ssempa's that we are gay for the money????

Come on!

Fact is, I do not have any problem with you getting money that way. But, I dont do it myself. And, I do not get people for people like that. Sorry.

gug

 ---

Now, it seems that letter, the one that I sent and some called me a precious 'Concerned Citizen' got me some errr, fame.
Here is some who was fascinated by the details

I saw your article in the NV.

Indeed I found your complaint understandable, although I am so sorry for "your sexual orientation"

 Bambi sorry, by the way when did you discover that you are gay??

 Secondly. who facks, Is it you or you are the fackee??

 And what does the fackee do with his penis?? Do you take turns.

 Are you as well aware that you arent in order to write that you are a gay in our laws??

 Or probably you are crying "human rights" You see, I have failed to understand that word. Bambi I am also good at bestiality and I am going to petition govt for my "animal vs human rights"

 After all its my animals. Since people can cut them, then I can also have a right to have sex with them, what do you think??

 Please reply but indeed you need prayer and stop being a white brain in a black man's skin.

--

With Regards

 Eric L.

Errr, the guy did want lots of detail. I wondered a bit what to do about him, since I do believe that my brain is white, and I do have a black skin, I couldnt figure out what exactly he meant. Maybe he doesnt know that his brain is white? Brains are white, right?
Anyway, me not being such an expert, I referred him to one. Martin Ssempa.

Hi Lutwama,

thanks for all your nice comments.

I am very sure that Pastor Martin Ssempa can actually answer those questions very, very well.

Is nt that nice?

Go ask him. I can give you his email address. And his phone number. Otherwise, thanks!

gayuganda

--

My Blog, The Gay Uganda Blog; http://gayuganda.blogspot.com/

Oooops. I 'accidentally' gave him the address of the blog. Maybe he will soon be here. Or, he has been. You never know.

---

Now, this one was really pissed off. Really pissed off. The subject line said it all.

PASTOR MARTIN SEMPA SHOULD BE ARRESTED FOR SHOWING PORN AND POSSESSING PORN,THIS IS CRIMINAL IN UGANDA.

That was the subject line. Capitals, bold, as long as it is. And, the person went on in distress.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for the article about Pastor Sempa showing Porn in Church and other public places.

Actually Sempa committed crimes and if we were living in a just society which upholds human rights and rule of law this man ought have been arrested and charged in court already.

Imagine how do you expose porn to children in a 'worship' place? Any way not withstanding the fact that his church is not a worship centre in a real sense but just a business enterprise desgised as church because it is about cheating unsuspecting worshipers after playing on their psychology.

SEMPA must answer many questions.

1-DO you need to show porn to campaign against the gay lifestyle?

And given that  porn material esp for gays are unavailable and unacceptable on the market due to the criminality law against their circulation, 2-where did he get this porn? This means he knows more about gay stuff and by the way do not be surprised to find out that he is gay himself ,to cover up his orientation he then tries to mask and bring out this anger of self-denial through fighting a losing battle and being ant-gay to the public but inside himself he is boiling with self hate.

I want Maj Gen Kayihura to investigate Sempa and let the pastor lead the police detectives to those suppliers or sellers of porn in Uganda because porn is a poison to society,unacceptable and criminal to posese it or sell it and here we have Sempa who can help us arrest those selling poison to Ugandans.

Please publish this article but hide my email and names for security purposes.

Thanks,XXXX

My reply was a laugh, and a request.

Hi XXXX,

ha ha ha ha!!!

I have been asking myself those questions.

Do you mind if I make your note into a post? It would certainly be interesting. I would remove the identifiers.

all the best

I think I have some others, somewhere, somewhere...!

Maybe I will remember. But, food is getting cold. And, that angers my man.

Be well

Sunday Morning, and, a letter to the Monitor

Sunday morning.

I notice when I get down to write on Sunday morning, that is what I tend to first write. A line in the soil around.

Saturday eve, I danced the day away in a bar.

Got to a point when the alcohol fueling the dance dullened perception. And, I chose to stand and appreciate the beauty of humans around me. Of course, it was not the females in their bright, scanty attires that drew my eye. Rather, the males, the men, in every guise and shape, some bright and shouting, some not so much, retiring into the shadows to look and gaze- some somewhere inbetween,  not so out happy, not so down dull. Somewhere in between.

Reminded me of Walt Whitman, ‘City of orgies, walks and joys…’

Poetry. Where would I have been without it?

It’s a sink for thought, a treasure, a guide to thought. The best is always good, but even the worst has that nugget of blessing to confer to my soul.

Back home late, it was bed for me. I embraced my love, and we made love, deeply, fevertly, completely. Good to always come home to a man, my love. Great to know that he is with me… It’s a completeness that cannot be replicated.

After a fulsome rest in the night, we were back at it…. So help me god, but we are young and eager. What better time to indulge all our senses?

And afterwards, tiring of bed, I grabbed the book of poetry, and went to welcome the morning.

It rained yesterday.

And, in the early morning, the slanting sun rays, the gleams of sparkling dew on the green turgid grass. Kampala is never as beautiful to me as after rain, the days afterwards are always cooler, better, brighter, the air clearer of fog and smog.

Read a poem. Wrote a few. Watched men, boys, life streaming by the road.

It is beautiful. Of course it is, very beautiful.

Yet, there is work to do, and, that is what calls now, a siren call. The beauty of the day, its appreciation, it has for now to take a back seat, in the background, as I seek to know what more is in the world for me.

Sunday morning. I hope Ssempa is not showing hard core gay porn in his church today. No, I will not be bothered to go watch.

It is a very beautiful Sunday morning.

----

Now, for laughs. Remember when I told you that I had sent a cheeky letter to the Monitor about Ssempa's Porn Show in church?

Well, I did. I gayuganda. And, the Monitor has published it. I kid you not. Here is the e-paper link.

PORNO MATERIAL

I am a Ugandan who has been keenly follow- ing the debate about the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. I respect sane arguments for and against the Bill, but as an adult Ugandan, I am ap- palled that the debate has descended to the point that pornographic materials are being shown in churches by Pastor Martin Ssempa.

I know his intention is to show that gay sex is so bad that it should be banned.

But, porn is porn, whether shown in the film halls (bibanda) or at places of worship- churches and mosques.Pastor Ssempa has shown these porno- graphic materials at press conferences, at the Uganda National Theatre, and other public places. It is deeply disturbing that children are being exposed to this. It is disturbing that even though this is against the law, the Police and the Minister of Integrity and Ethics have turned blind eyes to it.

It is also shaming to the country when headlines like `Uganda Pastor shows Gay Porn in Church' appear in the international media, like it is on AFP as I write.

Concerned citizen

Yes, you have noticed it. My identity was too inflammatory. I identified myself as a gay Ugandan. The gay didnt skip the censors scissors. And, gug, gayuganda was also slashed out. Instead, I am a magnificent Concerned Citizen.


Have a great day!


from Concerned Citizen, gug. 

Very Personal

Yesterday, I came out to another of my brothers.

So help me the deities, but, I do have enough of them. Which makes it a chore, because I have decided that it is time. And, it would not be a good thing for them to know from the TV that big bro is an out and out homosexual.

Yeah, of course I do the charming, ‘You know I am a homosexual’ routine. Except that I use the word gay.

I don’t know what they think about it. Don’t give them much time to digest it. Maybe I am wrong that way. But, it is stressful embarrassing thing. I know what they all think about being gay. So, I kind of have to go through that all the time, and want to spend as little time as possible on the actual job. Call me a coward, you wont be far wrong.

Why don’t heterosexuals come out? Hey, you know I am hetero…! It would even the score. Just a bit!

Anyway, I tell my bro. And, he goes tells my dad something about it.

Today was Daddy’s birthday. 72 years. I believe.

Yeah, Daddy came to me after he had talked to brother. And, he was agitated.

He is an elder. On the village, in the clan, in the tribe. He has taken a lifetime of work to get to this position of respect all around. And, I am doing him the disfavour of coming out to all and sundry. Saying what I am, gay, and fearless about it.

Hey, I thought he would be happy about it…

No. He was not. And, a kind request, could I at least think of getting off the village? I can do it out of sight, at least. He may know that I am there, but…!

The old man had designated me the heir apparent.

See, am the second son, but the apple of his eye. But, I thought….! He has pleaded with me to get married. Silence on my part. He even offered me a girl, and I laughed him off. No thanks, I told him. Then, he told me, at least children. He didn’t think that I am sterile just because I am gay. No response from me. Then, he pleaded, more than a year ago now, at least one child. Even if it is a girl. (We are Africans. A girl child does not grow the clan. A boy child does.)

I was deaf to his entreties.

Well, I am gay.

I knew he knew it, but, we would not discuss it before this year. Maybe I have something to thank Bahati for!

Needless t say, my whole day was spoilt yesterday. Today, I decided to try and cover up the loss that I felt. It hurts. Very badly. It hurts.

But I am afraid with the threat of life imprisonment, and Death in my own country, I cannot respect my dad’s request to remain silent.

Maybe we can come to a compromise. A bit of it.

But the bill is still in parliament. And there is work to do.

And, he remains my Dad. Wonder how Mom is taking it?

A very personal post. Have a great day. It is night here, and I have to make sure I don’t spend too much time thinking about that.

Good evening.

gug

Contrast in Uganda

Uganda is beautiful country.

Very, very beautiful. So beautiful that it is very easy to forget that it can also be ugly. Very ugly.

Yesterday I was out dancing, having fun, in a bar with other people.

I had fun. The music was good, the mind was easy, and I was wild with relief that I am alive. I was happy, I felt it, and did show it.

Yet, I am immersed in the middle of a battle for my life. My very life, me and my partner’s. And of all Ugandans that are like me.

Now I am seated in a corner of our compound, typing away, thinking of the contrasts, the extremes that my life is.

And, there  are deadly caveats to the beauty, ugliness that I have to ignore most of the time. Because I can go mad if I obsess about some of those things.

How can I be a gay Ugandan and be happy, living in Uganda?

I have to shut my eyes to some of the things that happen.

Yesterday, I did have a conversation with a couple of people who are questioning their sexuality.

I am gay, and I know it. But sometimes I forget that the confidence in my sexuality that I now take for granted, it is something that used to torture me. The self knowledge has come at a price. Many others are still paying it. Many are questioning, many are wondering, they are praying, and self doubting, seeking for answers in the worst sort of persecution that can go on in the country. In any country.

There is one lady in Gulu who was burnt to death by someone, a colleague.

Her reported crime was making a pass at another woman. This woman was so incensed that she took fire to the lady’s home. There were two children in the house at the time. Am informed that they are both dead. So is the woman, the one who made a pass that was not appreciated.

Sigh... I believe the 'defence' is the so called 'gay panic'. You, a profoundly heterosexual person, find a homosexual advance so increadibly offensive that in a panic, you kill the 'offender'.

Another guy is being blackmailed by former lovers.

He is well off, and these guys see a chance to make money. So, for what were consensual sex acts, they report to the police as the injured party.

There is no justice in Uganda for the gay person. These former lovers, they first steal from the man, and then go to the police to report that he is gay. So, he is caught in a lurch. To report that they have stolen from him, and then he finds this other case that they have reported him as gay.

And, in Uganda, the ‘victim’ has all the advantage.

Remember the case of Pastor Kayanja? Mega church, multibillion shilling man. But, some guys want to say he is gay. He might be, or he might not be. But, it did take him more than half the year to fight the allegations. And, his accusers, fellow pastors jealous of his ministry, (including dear Pastor Ssempa and Pastor Male), stand accused of trying to tarnish his name.

Incredibly, it is these guys who are behind the Anti-Homosexuality bill.

And, to cover themselves, they have two categories of people. The ‘offender’, who has no rights, once reported. And, the ‘victim’, who is protected by the law once he reports, or she reports.

You don’t believe it? Read the text of the bill, here.

I am picking out some of the proposed law, word for word.

5. Protection, assistance and payment of compensation to victims of homosexuality.

(1 ) A victim of homosexuality shall not be penalized for any crime commuted as a direct result of his or her involvement in homosexuality.

(2) A victim of homosexuality shall be assisted to enable his or her views and concerns to be presented and considered at the appropriate stages of the criminal proceedings.

(3) Where a person is convicted of homosexuality or aggravated homosexuality under sections 2 and 3 of this Act, the court may, in addition to any sentence imposed on the offender, order that the victim of the offence be paid compensation by the offender for any physical, sexual or psychological harm caused to the victim by the offence.

(4) The amount of compensation shall be determined by the court and the court shall take into account the extent of harm suffered by the victim of the offence. the degree of force used by the offender and medical and other expenses incurred by the victim as a result of the offence.

6. Confidentiality.

(1) At any stage of the Investigation or trial of an offence under this Act, law enforcement officers, prosecutors, judicial officers and medical practitioners, as well as parties to the case, shall recognize the right to privacy of the victim.

It is simply tailor made for blackmail, extortion. And all that is okay, since it is homosexuals that are being persecuted. As Minister Nsaba-Buturo said, ‘Homosexuals should forget about human rights.’ We are simply not worth the protection of the law. It is a very clearly visible, clearly sane thing in the eyes of most Ugandans.

Yet the grass is still green.

The sun rises bright, and it is going to be a great hot day. Maybe highs of 30s. The avocado pear tree behind my house has flowers, and young fruits on it. The pawpaw tree has some fruits on it too. And, below them, the ducks are panting in the heat. Maybe I should give them some water.

No. I cant forget about the beauty of my world, of my country.

I simply cant ignore it. I must open my eyes, my hands and sing and dance and be happy. And, I must at the same time remember that some of my very countrymates believe, with a passion and conviction that is utterly appaling, that I cannot share with them this beauty.

They want to rid the country of those like me.

And, they are deadly serious.

Have a thoughtful day.

gug

Sleepy, on a Bright day

I am feeling sleepy.

But, the sun is out and I have to go do some work. Really need to sleep. [Don’t dare ask what I was doing last night. Will be rude to you.]

This morning, I looked at a brother of mine and took the plunge. Went to him, opened with the famous line-

‘You do know that I am gay?’

Great hitting the nail on the head.

He looked away, didn’t know what to say, prevaricated. I found I was getting too nervous, so I explained. He has seen me living at my place with my man all these years. He must have suspected. And, I was just confirming it.

He was still not very communicative. Maybe he was speechless. I was forced to continue.

There was this bill in the Parliament. It aimed to imprison, kill us. I am fighting the bill, and soon rather than later, I am going to be comprehensively outed. There was lots of misinformation, that we were rapists, evil, etc. But, that wasn’t true.

At last he spoke.

No. It was no big deal with him. Of course he suspected, but, that is life. And, he tells me, that is none of his business. That is a personal thing. And it is no problem.

He was looking at me. He meant it. I felt like hugging him, tight. We are not that close, but he had come out on my side. Solidly.

Then, as I went back to my place, he follows me.

What if someone asks?

I looked at him, and said, it is no big deal. I am out. He can tell them yes I am gay, and, any further questions, why, they can ask me.

That was a great morning surprise. A good one.

Reaction of my lover, ‘Uh, you are gay, and for me, I am not.’

I laughed. Told him he should get those t-shirts which say ‘I am NOT gay, but my boyfriend is’

---

Hey, this doc thinks a lot of himself. Truly, truly, truly! See the article he has had published. Oh, I know the reaction. He must be gay. A real live gay Ugandan!

I have work to do, so am going to do it, and make sure I sleep… otherwise a great day is going to be dull with sleep.

gug

I do it for me.

I have been reading the Fenway Guide to LGBT Health. Hey, I am a well read dude. Not really a nerd. Life’s reality is too frighteningly rough to allow for all my nerdy characteristics to come out.

But, since I can read the English, I do seek to understand myself, and others.

I was reading about ‘coming out theories’. Gosh, the things that human beings decide to study! Anyway, someone studied these things. And, they then went ahead and put them down in a book to read.

Fenway Guides are medical texts actually. Don’t ask me how I got it. Just know that I did. And, once you get over the strange technical language that medical English is, it is not too hard to read. And, it is amazing.

Which brings me to the question. If medics do know this much about gay people, why the hell isn’t the medical profession in Uganda, the Uganda Medical Association, the Ministry of Health up in arms against the Anti-Homosexuality bill in Uganda? Here is its text.

But, I know the answer to that. The medics in Uganda are NOT knowledgeable about homosexuality. Many of them don’t know anything about it. They don’t know that it has been studied, scientifically. They know next to naught about human sexuality. And, they are firmly in the belief that it is ‘un-natural and un-African’. They are as firmly homophobic and prejudiced as the rest of society.

Ok, since I am throwing around some pretty serious allegations, it is time that I did substantiate them.

Once I was watching a programme on NTV. The discussant was I believe the Chairman of the Parliament Committee on health matters, and the topic was the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. The man in question is a Medical Doctor.

He was asked about it. And, his response was steeped in the misery of ignorance, prejudice, and a sheer lack of research, despite him being a doctor. He said, unequivocally, that homosexuality is un-African, and un-Ugandan.

Pity. Really a pity. For a medic to be so ignorant.

Another case in point. 2007 I think it was that some of us went to Makerere Medical School to talk about homosexuality. What occurred was suprising, and unsurprising. The auditorium was full. Tempers were raised. Those of us who were there to enlighten the medics and students found that the tempers, the sheer hostility was overwhelming.

No. This seat of learning in Uganda, the famed Makerere didn’t rely on medical texts to bash gay Ugandans. No, there was not a mention of them being ethically bound to listen to gay Ugandans. They brought out Qurans. And the Bible.

Know what we did? We had to flee out of the place. The signs of imminent violence were too clear to ignore.

So, Uganda’s medics are not in the know. Oh, tell them that I know they are not in the know. There is one guy who is a medic and does read this blog… A medic and a Christian who doesn’t agree with the gay bashing. I bet I am suprising you with what I do know, yes? Ha ha ha! The needs that a gay Ugandan has to go to to educate oneself about being gay. To the point when I know more than those who should know more than me…!

Anyway, comes back to the question. Why do I do the things that I do? Why am I into knowing about myself, seeking for self knowledge, getting to know who I am, what I am, why I am different, but still human?

Self knowledge. Self acceptance. Self respect.

It is because of myself that I fight this war. It is because of what I add onto myself.

Not for money, not for anything else. It is because of me.

Hope your day is good. Just wanted to share with you some insight I have had reading a book that is way out there ‘promoting homosexuality’. There is a penalty in the Bahati bill for reading such a book in Uganda. Because it is material that will be ‘promoting homosexuality’. 3, or 7 years in prison?

I don’t know.

But, do you think I will stop reading this material to appease Bahati or Ssempa? You joke.

gug

I am no angel.

But, I will take exception to being labeled a devil. For I am not. Just human, that is what I am. A human being. Different of course. Gay. A gay Ugandan. But just human.

A very lovely day is open.

Woke in the arms of my lover. Held him close, savouring the heat, warmth; the closeness, feeling him body to body, skin to skin. Fact, it is amazing that love between two human beings can be characterized as evil. Simple reason that I will continue protesting, even when the hangman’s noose is tightening. I am not evil. Neither is my love, our love. Neither is our pleasure. We are a couple of humans that happen to be different. And, for that difference, our country mates think us the cusp of evil.

Now, a roundup.

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Is this the time to appoint an avowed homophobe to be the ambassador to Uganda? Some think not. While others dispute the homophobe label.

I am kind of amused by politics. If one says that the sun is hot, someone will either ask for proof of that statement, or will just say, the sun is COLD. It is as if merely stating a lie out boldly makes it truth. Like Ssempa.

But maybe I should not be amazed. It does work. People out there are not into researching, finding facts, cross checking. And, people are not ashamed of writing and saying lies even when they know there are lies. Even professional religion people- Christians, Moslems. As long as they support their own particular bit of the agenda. I hope I haven’t yet lost that naivety and sense of incredulity. Well, I am an old African village boy. I will preserve a few of my ideals!

But, of course Pastor Ssempa disagrees. Vociferously!

Here is his article, and he goes ahead to offer President Zuma some threats. The guy does think lots of himself!

Statement from Pastor Martin Ssempa and the Family Policy and Human Rights Centre to President Jacob Zuma not to jeopardise Uganda/South African relations by cancelling Mr. Jon Qwelane as Envoy to Uganda. 

He has formed another group now? Gosh, the guy is prolific...

And, have you noted something? This itinerant preacher, unelected, but undoubtedly charismatic and... (low in brains????) is actually stating that he determines Uganda's foreign policy. Well, seems there has been a gap. He has been doing a stellar job, and so, maybe the Emperor will so appoint him!

We would like to support your wise decision to send Mr. Jon Qwelane as South African envoy to Uganda and request that you do not listen to the homosexual extremists who are demanding that you disqualify him, and rather send an extreme homosexual propagandist. We have also learnt that because of Mr. Jon Qwelane views which are strong on traditional marriage, and who does not put sodomy as a major pillar of his foreign policy agenda, homosexual groups are demanding that you cancel his appointment.

What happened to 'sodomites'?

We would like to say that Mr. Jon Qwelane views of understanding the importance of a traditional family are in tandem with Uganda’s society where sodomy is a crime against the order of nature. This is due to our national values contained in the legal, religious, cultural and natural beliefs. South Africa needs an evoy who understands Uganda’s societal views, and does not place the expansion of sodomy as the top agenda of his foreign policy. Therefore the  cancelling of Mr. Jon Qwelane appointment due to  pressure of homosexuals in South Africa threatens the delicate and good relationships between Uganda and South Africa.

I am not very sure that Mr. Jon Qwelane does appreciate the recommendation. But then, life means one cannot control the mouth, and brains, of other people...!

We take this letter to remind you  that South Africa has vast strategic economic interests in Uganda in the areas of communications, energy, banking, food and mineral sectors. These include household names such as MTN, Eskom, Stanbic, Nandos, and many others. The de-selection of Mr. Jon Qwelane and sending to Uganda someone who pleases the homosexual groups in South Africa threatens the good social standing of these companies in light of our nations values. You need to carefully weigh what is South Africa’s strategic interest in our nation and region. Is it business or sodomy?

Told you. Foreign policy dictated by Ssempa and Co. This guy would do good in a theocracy. Iran?

Cancelling Mr. Jon Qwelane appointment and sending someone else due to the pressure of the homosexuals will trigger a widespread civil society protest which stands to affect the South African businesses in Uganda. This may incude the boycotting of your businesses as a means of sending our message across. A recent national survey showed that more than 95 percent of Ugandans are opposed to sodomy. Mr. President you have been to Uganda and understand our deeply cherished culture on the tradional family which is why you have proposed Mr. Jon Qwelane as the envoy to Uganda. We ask that you continue with your wise and prudent appointment of Mr. Jon Qwelane as the envoy to Uganda.

 Ahem, ahem. Maybe I should note that the Independent published the article, (I wonder why? ) on its blog, and immediately disclaimed the views expressed in the article!

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Does AGOA really matter?

It is the Africa Growth and Opportunity Act, and it was once championed by Museveni. Now, it is not such a big dollar earner. Wonder whether Museveni would sacrifice it? It might not be the money. It might be the prestige, which does matter a lot to our President.

Personally, I am not sure. But, here is the article in the Independent.

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I mentioned Anand Grover before. An independent UN expert giving some sage advice to Uganda. I didn’t know that actually the guy is THE UN Special Rappoteur on Health.

Come to think of it, lots of health officials have spoken out against this bill. The text is here if you would like it.

It is a horrible piece of legislation.

Fact. It is. And, it is truly universal in outreach. It is not only the homosexuals who are affected. [Death and life time imprisonment is what they suffer], but the priests suffer, so do the doctors, and so does HIV care and prevention. Of course it is a human rights violation. But, as Minister Nsaba Buturo says, ‘Homosexuals can forget about Human Rights.’ But, you see, Ugandans are so hell bent on killing away their homosexuals and ridding Uganda of this ‘evil’ that, none of this counts. What is important is that they are killed. That Uganda is a leader.

Here is what the UN Special Rappoteur on Health says.

“Lessons from the last 30 years of the HIV epidemic have shown us that recognition of the rights of people with different sexual identities is a necessary component for a successful HIV and health response,” stressed the UN expert.

“In many countries where sex between men is not criminalized and where stigma and discrimination have been reduced, men who have sex with men are more likely to take up HIV prevention, care and support and treatment services,” he added.

“I urge the Ugandan Parliament to build on its past successes in responding to HIV and to refrain from passing this Bill,” said Grover, while strongly supporting the President and other members of the Government in their attempts to prevent the initiative of some members of the Parliament that the bill becoming law.

He said: “Uganda is in the great danger of taking a step backwards – away from realizing human rights for its people and away from an effective, evidence and rights-based HIV response.”

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I did say something about a high school in Oregon, called Southridge High School that did go ahead to hold a march on our behalf. On behalf of the Kuchus of Uganda, in the name of a common humanity.

Here are some photos. 

They are from this website.

Yes, for some people, including me, we still believe in a common humanity. In  love instead of hate. In being together even when we are different. We are together even if we are so abundantly different. Again, I salute you, Southridge High School.

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I did want some more details on what happened in Washington DC, at a Congressional hearing about the bill in Uganda. Here is a pic from the Metro Weekly.

and, the story. Julius Kaggwa represented us.

He actually says that the pressure that is being metted out can be counter productive.

Hey, don’t you be stopped by that. Actually, my logic is that of a soldier. We are at war, and, firing your gun will have bad effects on you. You will be wreathed in the fumes. The missile might not hit the right target. Or, it might be off target by a few meters.

But, to me that is no excuse or hinderance to firing the gun. Be serious. If you don’t fire your gun, if you don’t pull the trigger, your enemy is going to kill you. It is as simple as that. There is a time to worry about consequences. That is when you are relaxed, and the strain of battle is off and the adrenaline is down, and you can do it. Not when you are in the heat of battle.

Push. And be unrelenting in the push.

If we had been finicky in calling out for world attention to this bill,[text here] it would have been law already. Actually, we have nothing to lose. And, I am not ashamed to say that, when it is my country people, Ugandans who are acting this stupid. [Don’t make me repeat it], then forget about their fake nationalism.

27^th will fume and rage. I called him a coward. I know it shut him up. Well, brother, would it have been better to call you stupid? I know you are not, so I will not. (But, of course I have a riposte to your question of how are you a coward. Will reserve it!) But, I will still call you a coward, and tell you, expect my call from the grave, and expect more naked speech from me. 

Ugandans are acting stupid. Time we styled up and came to our senses. And, stop holding to the false drapes of ‘sovereignty’ and ‘nationalism’. Those clothes are too old, the excuses too worn out. Style up and face the facts that you do live in a community of adults.

If you don’t want to, then face the damn consequences. Period.

Hey, before I was derailed by my rant, I was saying that, the US guys should be aware that of course there is a pushback to the pressure they are exerting. Of course there is. And, guys like Ssempa and Buturo are gleefully using that as a ‘you see’ moment. Fine. Let them do it. Because it is simply what is expected.

But that shouldn’t stop you from pulling across your opinion, and pushing back. Stupid acts as stupid does. And, Ugandans are acting stupid. Leaning back and being accommodating is not going to have any effects, especially in solving our ‘stupid’ problem.

Now, I am being too naked and ugly and tough. But, we do need an adult around….! Though after reading the above, I doubt you will agree that I do qualify, do you?

I am a gay pervert after all. The country, my country plans to imprison me and kill me. And of course, like a sheep, I am not to bleet as the slit my throat. Because that will be unpatriotic.

Well, to damn hell with that false logic.

Got my point across, have I? In very unpolitic language. Definitely not politically correct. It is a waste of some necessary resources. Ahem!

Have a great day.

gug

PS. I really love the way Ssempa's poop fetishesm is working out. Guess the guy really needs to read the articles himself. Far as I can see, google Ssempa and poop. You may be suprised at what you find.... ha ha ha ha ha!

Ssempa, you are deservedly famous. Very!

Conversation with an Elder

I told you about the ‘request’ from my neighbours. That their children should not be allowed to play in our compound. That request conveyed through my dad….

When he told me this, Sunday morning, I listened. And, I didn’t say anything much in reply. He went away.

My lover had seen us talking. Saw the thunderous cast of my brow. Asked me what was the problem. ‘We are homosexuals’. I answered.

‘What?’

‘We are homosexuals. They fear that we will rape their children.’

I think the dominant emotion in me was anger. I have been kind of expecting it. We have been more or less completely exposed, outed. Media, out of media. And, we have lived in this place throughout our partnership. Doesn’t take long to connect the dotted lines. Especially with the red rug helping so well.

But, I was angry. Truly angry. And bitter, and disappointed.

I know my dad knows about my sexuality. One of those things that we don’t discuss. It is him who came to tell me that the police was looking for us. This was back in the days when we had the very first press conference (2007), when gay Ugandans came out. Later, when there was so much heat early in 2009, he expressed some concern, delicately suggested that maybe it was time we thought of leaving the country.

Is he still that concerned?

For 24 hours, I stewed and fumed, and thought. Yes, anger was the predominant emotion. I am gay. And, I know I have been closeted, me and my partner. We don’t exactly shout it out for all to know.

But, I am also a human being. I didn’t feel that my dad should come to me with the intimation that I would rape a child. Yeah, I know he was conveying a message second hand, and, the mood of the country is murderous towards gay people at the moment.

Doesn’t make me forget that HE IS MY DAD. That has obligations both ways. He to me, me to him, and, I am not ready to take him off the hook just because I am gay in Uganda.

So, come Monday morning, and I had decided that enough was enough. No more hiding.

I didn’t discuss what I was going to do with my lover. He would try to dissuade me, and I was in no mood for that, for more thought.

So, I go over to where Dad was. And, I was tongue tied.

Didn’t know how to broach the subject. Didn’t want the anger to interfere. Wanted a communication, a dialogue, to put across my point of view. Didn’t want any shouting. Was ready, but, the first words were the hardest.

Lucky for me, some kids again went to the compound, our compound. Started playing, shouting.

He commented about them. I laughed, and then had the opening.

‘You do know that I am gay?’

Yes, I used the word gay. Not homosexual, or the more perjorative equivalent in the local tongue.

He looked down. ‘Yes. You don’t take any trouble to hide it.’

Uh? I thought we were taking all this trouble to hide it! Anyway, besides the point at the moment.

Then, I gave him a piece of my mind. Condensed, bitter, direct. I and my partner are gay. We are not paedophiles. We have lived here 9 years. For someone to come and say that they fear their children to be raped by us was an insult. For him to kind of believe it was also insulting. And, unappreciated. Yes, I do understand the mood in the country. But, I also was, I am, we are human beings.

He was defensive. No, he wouldn’t tell me who had given the warning. I wasn’t asking that, I told him. That was besides the point.

If they believe that we are going to hurt their children, it is up to them to make sure the children don’t come to play in our compound. If the children ask for the permission, why, I will decide whether or not to give it. That is my prerogative.

I, we have no control over what our neighbours choose to think, to believe of what we are. But, we have a right to demand that they also take into account what we are, the fact that we have been living here for all those years. And, for heaven’s sake, we are not paedophiles.

Yes, I do know that it is a dangerous thing.

But, once we are out, we are out. No taking that secret back into the closet with us. And, we can use that as a weapon.

Later in the evening, I informed my partner that I was going to tell my brothers and sisters too. Better for them to know that I know they know. Better to have them raise any objections to my face. Or not.

No more hiding.

With the neighbours? I cannot predict or prevent anonymous violence. Of course I do hope that they do use their brains. But that is something that is hard to predict.

For now, I will inform those who are. No need to hide, not anymore.

Anger. Defiance. Healthy mix of fear in everything.

But life has to go on.

Of course it is not yet over. I would be very naive to think that. Better to take the initiative, to think ahead. I am damned if I will be made to run. Not yet at least.

gug