I have had a beautiful holiday season.
Don't know, but I have appreciated the time more than many other Christmas seasons. Maybe it is the fact that I am more in touch with myself. Feeling, knowing more of who I am.
The Christmas of 2009, I was embroiled in the fight against the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. It was all consuming for me. No wonder, like a candle that burns too close, I burnt out, gutted. Nearly flickered out.
Now, it is the end of an eventful year. And, I am still here to blog and write of the things which interest me.
I am at home. In our backyard.
My husband is doing some housework. Yep, well, I should be with him. But, I am not. A comfortable relationship, ours. Yesterday, early this morning, we were in a bar dancing, holding one another close.
It is true.
And, it is in the only place which, at a certain point in time, turns into a truly gay bar. There was this amazed guy, straight, who seemed to have been there for the first time. Couldnt believe that we were there. We, as in gay people, gay Ugandans. Was one guy, trans I believe, who looked the African man's dream of beauty in a woman. But, one could see that he was not female. The straight guy went and asked to sleep with him. Offered him money....
Sportingly, the other agreed. And they decided on the price.....!
The straight guy, he was just trying to figure us out. Such a proposition can lead to a fight. Usually does. But, not at the bar, our bar. Not at that particular time. And, if it wasnt for the fact that it was obvious that he was faking the pass, trying to figure out whether it was true that the other guy was gay, and, maybe if the guy had liked him, the deal would have been good!
Anyway, he got into a conversation with my mate. Poured out his amazement, bewilderment at what was happening. And, would not believe that the people in the bar are gay. Well, this is Uganda! He later saw a trio of wickedly dressed women. Couldnt mistake them for men. They were talking together, and, very macho, he expressed his interest. Very confident that they would fall for his manly wiles.
Unfortunately... or fortunately, they were lesbians. They looked at him with surprised shock on their faces. Snubbed him in a way that should have caused a fight.... Ha ha ha.... men are not used to blank rejection like that.
Anyway, guy was cool. My mate told him that they were lesbians. Not in English, since they were talking one of the local languages. He told him that one of them was a man and the other a woman. He was too incredulous to think my man was telling the truth. Stupid. I was there holding him, caressing him all the time. He should have realised we were also gay.... but, we are sometimes too 'straight acting'! We are Ugandans. The camouflage is a necessary part of our existence.
Came home late, to bed, and woke up to holding him, making love. And now, am seated in the backyard. He does some housework. Domestic bliss.
Near us is my brothers house. One of the many sons of my father.
During this year, his perfect marriage has unravelled like a piece of old cloth. Thread by thread.
It has been painful to watch.
He is not a rich man, and had created his dream. Wife, four sons. All small, growing, a young family. But, by the end of the year, it is unravelled. The different pieces are scattered across the country. Literally.
Christmas day, I invited him for lunch. He declined to join us. But took the food we sent.
His dream has unravelled. And, he is feeling the pain. Not willing to face us, perhaps.
My brother, the elder brother, the one who is a pentecostal pastor, the one to whom I made the trek to come out; he has taken this year to try to convince me to get back to the fold. To become a Christian again. Or to forget that I am a homosexual. To him, it seems the two things are one, the same.
And, in some of the messages to me, he has been telling me that I can still have a woman, and have children. Because that is what he believes is God's will for me.
Nope. I am not comparing my gay marriage to that of my straight brother's marriage that has unravelled.
We are human beings. Despite the fact that we are gay. Just human. I have to remind myself of that.
Because, marriage is a tough thing. Not even children are a sufficient enough glue. And, I have to remember that. We two guys are gay, and 'married' in Uganda, and are still together because we somehow manage to beat the odds. Not many other kuchus have been able to do that. And, my straight friends also find problems.
So, why do gay people fight for gay marriage?
Actually, it is very simple. We are human beings. We demand the right, our right, like other human beings, to make the same stupid, silly mistakes that our straight counterparts make in marriage. Its as simple as that. We do resent the fact that our straight compatriots believe they have the right to make that decision for us. Why the hell should they?!
I could have been forced into a straight marriage. My Dad still hopes for that day... he hasnt yet given me another not so subtle hint this month, come to think of it.
My mom accepts my lover. Beautiful relationship there. I think they gossip about me a lot. I suspect she finds him easy to talk to... easier than her son... Hey, I am jealousy!
The year is ending.
My lover calls me in for tea. I will go. End here. Hope you are having some very good and happy holidays, with friends and family
Peace to you. And may you continue to beat the odds!
I love your realife stories--thank you Gug.
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