Monday, April 7, 2008

Is Night

Is night, and what a night!

Soft darkness. A sliver, slice of light the moon in the skies, them dark as dark could be, with the diamond glitter of stars on that carpet.

Cool. The heat of the day is gone, replaced by the cool of night. Yet more, a soft darkness that clothes the skin and soothes the mind.

I am outside. We are outside, him and I.

Two guys, incredibly, two gay guys in Uganda. A couple that has found a measure of calm and peace in our world.

We are a couple. He is whispering endearments to me. I am smiling.

Incredible that our world, neighbors would not see us for what we are. Maybe they know. Frankly, I am so into him, and so happy, I do not really care. He is for me, and I am for him, and we could as well be on a desert island.

A cool breeze from the lake. Cool, soft to touch on the skin.

It has been another hot day, but the breeze is stronger than usual. Rain. Maybe a cloudburst tonight. Or maybe tomorrow. We are due one.

Our neighbors, the ceaseless chatter of children. True, the one thing that I am nostalgic for in this gay paradise of mine. Yet even that cannot dim the brightness of my companionship with him. A dream of life that we dared reach out and grasp. A fruit that is, oh, so much sweeter the more I think of it.

I could be married, with kids, and a wife. And unhappy.

Friend of mine is, literally planning to run away from home with a child on the way. To go and find some fulfillment that touches his soul. There are so many possible permutations that life could have taken. It did, and did not. And I chose, sometimes forced, sometimes not, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes not. But I am home, home with him, the man I love. And we are home and relaxed, and sipping of the beauty of the night that is indescribable.

I have been reading today, of some studies about people like us. Gay, and others. A medical text, true. But at the moment I can follow the language. (Do they teach a new language in medical school? Think they do.)

Incredible the amount of research and knowledge that is there in the world. About sexuality. About sexual minorities. About people like us. Incredible how little we know of it in Uganda. Ok, seems like a new subject, but some of these things are on the internet. But it takes knowing what one is looking for to get what one needs. And how could I have ever known that I needed to know, if I had not been gay? Would I have been an ignorant lout, a homophobe? Would I have been one of the ignorant stone throwers? So deeply confident of my lack of knowledge that I would kill people who are gay? Condemn them in thought and deed?

Maybe. But again maybe not.

Of all the possible permutations of life, I have followed this path. And I am happy, content, with him. Don’t know what the morrow will hold. All I know is that today, now, I am happy and content with my love. Who I will hold, close, all through the night, whether it rains or not, whether the sun comes up or not. I will hold him through the night.

Hope you do have a good night.



Anonymous said...

"I will hold him through the night."
You lucky lucky man!

DeTamble said...

Well I had a pretty fucking great night last night! ;-)

And I don't think you could ever have been a stone thrower even if you weren't gay. You're much to thoughtful!

Princess said...

lucky you, I had a terrible night!

DeTamble said...

I've tagged you. You know the drill, get started!

gayuganda said...

DeTamble!!!! (Scream of horror)

No gal, respectfully, I decline.

In the interests of my fabled anonymity, and err, the fact that the little I know of the drill, I dont play.


Princess said...

I've been waiting to see how you'd frame your refusal. :)

DeTamble said...

Oh come on GUG! Just take a look at it! It's not as long as the older tags! Pleeeeeaaaaasssseeee! Even if you just do part of it! Come on! Don't let me down! :-(

*falls to knees* Please Guggy, please!!!

gayuganda said...

Princess! You put her up to this!

DeT. No please. Please!

[Raising you up in haughty arrogance]

Children's game that, and I need to keep a few of my secrets
[Deep voice, firm, no giving way]

Princess said...

Who, moi?! :D
I plead innocence; do not place the guilty charge at my door!

DeTamble said...

It was her! Princess put me up to it!

And GUG I shan't ever forgive you, ever!

Princess said...

Oh, you will, Detamble. He is lovable like that, isn't he?

DeTamble said...

Well, yes, okay, so I will. But still, I'm sulking right now! He'll have to wait till I'm in a better mood before I can love him again.

...I'm feeling a little better already though, alright Guggy, I forgive you.

Friends? Hug?

gayuganda said...


while you were off sulking, I did what you so nicely requested. I will do without the hug for now...

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