Tuesday, April 22, 2008


They were asking where I was. They were debating, why should I tell that what I was doing? But I accepted to be deT’s big brother. I have to tell.

I was sulking. A very big sulk. But now I have forgiven all of you, and decided to teach you the customs. So, let us all pretend that we are sitting by the fireside. And I am big brother, and Princess is the little sis who is too young to teach slightly bigger sister DeT all the intricacies of our customs.

So, we are together, and the fire is dancing. We have eaten the evening meal. And, since I have decided to teach something, I will tend the fire. Small sister has to listen, because this is not my job, I am not a girl, and (I suppose) she should have known all these things. I don’t know how, but I suspect Mama should have taught you, little sis, these things. In the conversations since your breasts started budding.

DeT grew up in ‘foreign’ countries. She is forgiven her ignorance.

So, sister DeT, I have found out that something is going on behind my back, and I did not want to embarrass you. I asked little sis to teach you, but she did not. [Deserves a big slap. Glare. How can you force me to teach her!]

So, sister DeT.

First some disclaimers.

We have many different tribes in Uganda. So, our customs differ, a lot. I will try to make this as simple as possible, but it may stretch into 3 posts. So, prepare to do a lot of listening. And listen you must [sternly]

I am gay, something you know. I also grew up in Kampala. But my father came from deep in the countryside. So, I proudly claim that I am of a certain tribe. Which I am not going to reveal. And, sister, you are an honorary member of the tribe. So, you will follow our customs [Glare].

The slight problem is that I do not know these things as I should. And, the girls know them better than I do, and, I have not had the chance to make an ‘introduction’

But that is jumping the gun.

Li’l sis DeT, I don’t know 27th. Not at all.

Yes, I know the slight guy with dreadlocks who keeps blogging about his Communist ideals. He is nothing to me. Maybe a friend [sniff], or acquittance. We may share a beer once in a while, or a cigarette, if I smoke and he does, but I don’t know anything about him relative to my family, of which you are a member.

So, I don’t know about what is happening between you two. I don’t. I swear, and that I will swear on the most sacred of all places. The graves of certain people.

So, if you meet and like him. That is your deal. If you like the way he smiles, that is up to you. I will not interfere. I will look away. I will not see anything until you tell me. That is your privilege, but beware!

If I am from a certain tribe in Uganda, you have to be very careful about shacking up with 27th. Suddenly, I may become aware. And violent.

If you are together, and living at his place for a time and you have not told me, I will get my brothers together. (Six). I will come when you are both at home. We shall beat him up, with you looking on, and carry you off home.

But don’t worry. We are modern. We shall leave you together for about a year before we decide to teach him a lesson. [glare] He would have to pay for that. Rank disrespect to my family. How can he think my sister is cheap? Or free?

Now, if you have been living together, and doing things which I do NOT want to know, and something happens, and a small life starts growing in you. Then remember that you are almost time barred. I MUST know as soon as possible. Because when you put on some weight, then it is no longer in my hands. You are my sister, so I look after you, as a surrogate for my father. When that happens, he will ask me about that, and I MUST know what to answer the old man.

So, sister DeT, you come to me, on an evening when we are together like we are, with small sis Princess looking on with very wide adorable eyes. And, as I am looking with a frown into the flames, you jog my elbow.

I look at you, and you smile.

I have something to tell you, big bro. You say

I frown, sensing that it is serious. Turn my full attention to you, and listen.

You know I am an adult now. (I nod), and it is time for me to start thinking about a place of my own. (more vigorous nod. Girl, you are overdue, since the breast buds started showing.)

So, I have seen a boy.

(I frown. A boy, what boy is playing with my sister?)

Err, a man (quick interruption from you. My frown was getting ugly). He likes me, and I like him.

(I am listening. It is your forum, it is you who must tell me.)

He has asked me to be with him. (you say it all in a rush, eyes cast down)

After a few minutes, you look up at me. My face is split in a huge grin. The teeth are reflecting the starlight, the moonlight, and the firelight.

Relax, little sis. My face says. I knew, and I was waiting for you to INFORM me. So, Princess, besides me, relaxes. It is not going to be a fight. I have been informed. But that is not all. Those are the preliminaries



Anonymous said...

*grin* This post was meant for DeT but I have to jump in here and say gug you rock! you're the (African) man...
And this is what an African courtship is...six brothers going to beat up the significant other for 'spoiling' out sister. :)lol. Right on point.

DeTamble said...

:-o You were sulking? Ohh, GUG, I am sorry :-( *holds out small pink rose* Thank you for forgiving us.

27th! You should have warned me about your customs!!! I blame you entirely!

Customs? I don't know any customs. The only thing that comes close is the rule here that each house member takes it in turns to wash the dishes.

Three posts? *sits beside the fire and listens intently, eyes wide and resists the urge to hit Princess* It's alright, I think even though you're not a girl you should still be the one to tell me. Even if I am feeling very intimidated.

What's an 'introduction'?

If I shacked up with him and didn't tell you, you would beat him up?? You would make me watch? That's sick!!! *lip trembles* You'll have to spill my blood first before you're allowed anywhere near him. I'll fight you!!

I'm not cheap or free. And he is still a boy. Sort of. So don't be too harsh on him...or me.

Big Bro, don't worry and don't be angry. I'll tell you. When something happens. I won't keep such a big secret from you. You'll be the first to know what your little sister is up to. Straight away, and long long long before there's any 'life growing'!! I'll inform you, I don't want to see him beaten :-(

Those are just the preliminaries? *hides face behind hair and digs a tender toe into the dust* What else does the little foreign grown child need to know? :-|

*wishes 27th's foot was available to be stomped on and mutters threats under breath* You totally could have warned me.

gayuganda said...

Uh huh,

too late, I am afraid.


the antipop said...

gug, so er.. your teeth are that white eh? sparkling in the starlight???
love the post. reali creative gug. kudos

gayuganda said...

yes they are antipop;

[grins; blinding in the sunlight]

bite me!

Princess said...

*suitably chastened
*downcast adorable eyes :D

OK, big bro, I grew up here, why didn't uou tell me these things before?
Sneaky DeT, wants to hit me!

Hey, great post! Love the creativity!
You have a great fireside manner too...:D

Princess said...

*you not *uou

DeTamble said...

@Wilde: I'm perfectly capable of spoiling my self, thank you very much. I don't need his help.

@GUG: Too late? ohhh :-( Well just don't touch him. I think I'm going to start carrying a knife with me...
And when's my next 'education'?

@Princess: Sorry, little 'un. I won't hit you. Promise...unless you hit me first...

gayuganda said...

[indignantly, horrified]
I am not supposed to teach you this, small sis! Mama, she will kill me if she knows I have told you. You mean, she has not told you yet?

Shh, quit squabbling girls, deT, Princess.

Anyway, you were too young when bigger sis was getting married, and I thought the aunties had told you. But you are still young, they will tell you, and


You are still too young! When you are ,err, ready, I am sure Mama and the aunties will deal with that. That is what the Ssengas are for, I believe. Marital counselors, for the gal, not the guy!


Princess said...

Uh, GUG?
Is that directed towards DeT or me?
'tis a bit vague...

gayuganda said...

where is that dratted boy now?

err, the prospective muko...

gayuganda said...

Princess, who do you think it is for? Unless there is someone looking over my shoulder now


DeTamble said...

Marital counsellors? And what exactly do they teach us? Because some of the stuff I figured out myself, because I'm a genius :P Maybe Princess would benefit more... *waits for the slap from Princess...*

Mama never said nothing, I'm afraid our education rests entirely upon your shoulders :-( Are you man enough to carry that responsibility, older brother of mine?

Haha prospective muko. The boy is stuffing his face with lunch I believe.

Princess said...

I read martial and not marital-
Big hint, sis!

DeTamble said...

It says marital. But ya know, you and I can do martial... *pounds fist into table* Get the hint? Your sweet innocent eyes don't work on me! I know you're planning on hurting me the first chance GUGs back is turned!

Princess said...

I know it says marital, I was just letting you know the turn my mind's taking. :P

If bro gets in the way, I might*hesitantly* hit him too-

DeTamble said...

@Princess: *glares* Quit it small child!!! Enough. Or the six brothers will come for DK...and take your Arthur book as well. They'll rip the pages before you eyes and leave it shredded at your feet.

Princess said...

That's worse than pulling my hair...

Y'all don't want me, I'm running away from home!

DeTamble said...

Nooo!! *runs after Princess* I didn't mean it!! I would never touch your books! *looks at the ground in shame* "I'm sorry."

Princess said...


DeTamble said...

*sniffles and wipes away an annoying tear* Really!!! Please come back! You can even invite DK over to watch V and I won't say a word to GUG ;-)

Princess said...

*wiping away tears.
I like you when you're not mean.Hug?

DeTamble said...

*hugs!* Do you like chocolate? Cause I have some we could share if you do...

*looks at GUG* "See, aren't we good children? Aren't you proud of us?"

Princess said...

CHocolate? Yay!
Thanks, sis!

The 27th Comrade said...

So, I like the DeTamble-Princess "martial" counseling.

Short of that, I'm ... quiet. :o)

gayuganda said...

Good, good, good.

Very good, deT. Remember what I said. [seems the young man is respectful. Good sign]

A few minutes for the next instalment.


DeTamble said...

Respectful? Hmm maybe I do have okay taste after all. And yes, I do like the way he smiles.

gayuganda said...

you like the way he smiles?

that means you have a photo of him.


women these days!!!!!!

Anyway, I have continued the instructions in the next post.

Anonymous said...

the post is brilliant!

the exchange in the comments, priceless.

Post a Comment