Monday, January 21, 2008

A Seminar, and Struggle

Sunday, yesterday, we had a seminar.

We as in Kuchus.

An inspiring time. We sat and talked, one to another. We debated a few things. For some reason, where kuchus meet, there is always a scent of politics. Not the ‘national’ variety, but the variously scented LGBTI politics.

I loved it.

Gone are the days when we were in the closet, and forced so to remain. Gone are the days when we were so scared of ourselves that we forced ourselves to stay hidden.

I hope the days are gone for good. They were terrible days. And it is interesting that I realise that they were terrible now, now that I feel the stirring of the breeze freedom on my soul.

Sometimes I ask myself whether it is worth it. The struggle, as some call it.

Is it worth it to risk imprisonment, challenge political powers that are in our country, challenge the view of our society, family, clan and fly in the face of convention? There are times that I feel that it is not worth the while. So I try to find something in it that will motivate me to continue.

No wealth in it. Though some seem to expect it in plenty. And we are accused of taking the bribe to betray our culture.

Reputation? That is a mirage. Here today, gone tomorrow. To me it is very unsubstantial. And as reputation seems to soar in our community, it sinks in the wider community which I have to mind.

What is in it?

Being myself. Acknowledging that what I am is worth the while. Acknowledging that I am not wrong, that I am right, and I am human and deserve to live. Looking in the face of the world and daring to say that I am alive.

I have just read of Ratzinger defence of Galileo’s trial and imprisonment, in this day and age. I am amazed at Ratzinger’s logic, but side with Galileo’s defiance. The world may be overwhelmingly against me, but I will not chain what I think is right.

Melancholic mood? This early Monday morning? Maybe.

A poem that I have just written to Orokie.

A beautiful day out-

bright sun dusting,

green leaves all round,

clean air, washed skins, breathing trees-

life’s awake and awake’s life.

Yesterday, a moon I saw

strong and bright and beautiful

today too, I will, though is less than full

bright is happiness a fruit on a tree,

Orokie, you awake?

awake, awake, you are beautiful.

No, I do not control your thoughts and surmises. Only mine!

Have a beautiful day.


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