Monday, September 1, 2008

Hilarious! Dedicated to deT!

I stumbled across this little nugget of information on the BBC website. Could not resist bringing it here.

deT is promised to Comrade 27th. By yours truly. I mean, I am the big brother here, the Muko and go between, who has been promised 50 heads of cattle, for my family, ahem, (and the bribe of a car, or two for myself) to bless the marriage. Giving away my luscious, lovely, white sister from across the waters.

Oh, Comrade will pay the bride price. After all he has promised. A man of his word.

And, him being a good African man, and apparently unmarried at the moment, (well, not officially, as far as I know), deT will be the first wife.

Oh, she will cry and throw a tantrum, and kick and promise hell and heaven. But sooner or later, the good African Comrade will soon add to his harem. Dont worry deT, the first wife always has a position of honour. And you are white, after all!!!!!!!

Comrade is not a moslem. So, he does not have to stop at the religion sanctioned 4 wives. And, since we do not have sharia law here, he will not be threatened with stonning to death. And of course he can marry more than the 86 wives that this Nigerian had. Nothing in the law of the land to prevent him. Only the strength of his, err, libido.

So, how does it feel being the first of 86? [have to hide somewhere from this sister of uncertain temper now, so you will forgive me as I hike off for a short holiday...]

Oh, here is the article

A Nigerian religious leader with 86 wives has accepted an Islamic decree ordering him to divorce all but four of them, local authorities say.

A spokesman for the emir of Bida told the BBC that Mohammadu Bello Abubakar, 84, agreed on Saturday to comply with the decree.

Last week one of Nigeria's top Islamic bodies, the Jamatu Nasril Islam, sentenced him to death.

The sentence was lifted but he was threatened with eviction from his home.

Earlier, Mr Abubakar had challenged Islamic scholars, saying there was no punishment stated in the Koran for having more than four wives.

"I have not contravened any established law that would warrant my being banished from the land... There is no law that says one must not marry more than four wives," the AFP news agency reported him as saying.

"All my wives are with children and some of these are people I have married and stayed with for over 30 years. How can they expect me to leave them within two days?" he reportedly told local newspapers.

The former teacher and Islamic preacher lives in Niger State with his wives and at least 170 children.

Niger is one of the Muslim majority states to have reintroduced Sharia punishments since 2000.

Several people have been sentenced to death for adultery by Sharia courts but none of these sentences have been carried out.

Story from BBC NEWS:


DeTamble said...

GUG, my darling, naughty brother.

How do I feel being the first of how ever many wives his libido can handle?

Let's leave this simple. If he so much as dares to kiss another woman, I don't mean cheeks, friend kisses, I mean if he dares to let another woman's tongue touch his lips I will have him slaughtered.

gayuganda said...


now, that was frighteningly restrained, for my feisty sis.

Over to you Comrade. Seems you will, er, have to rein in your libido, for this white devil you want to make your first wife!

Over to you Comrade!!

DeTamble said...

Reign in his libido? Honestly GUG, if I'm his first wife he'll have no time, energy or libido left to even contemplate another wife.

And no, it's not because I'm one of those needy, grasping, constantly calling you and thinks you're always lying about other girls, that he will be too tired to think about other wives.

It's because the only time he'll be able to leave the house is when I don't want sex. In other words, he'll be stuck at home most of the time. Allowed out for BHH and such :P

Anonymous said...

Hi bro, seeing that I'm part of the family, I'm very excited at the prospect of dowry... I need a new car you see.

DeT: Any marks/scars or misplaced body parts that may lower your brideprice? Sort it NOW. :)

gayuganda said...

Yes, yes bro,

deT, sort out any unsightly scars before you arrive here! he must not see them! It will lower the bride price.

[WildeY, she is not supposed to hear about the cars. That is between me, errr, us, and the Comrade!]

DeTamble said...

@Brother Wilde: Nothing is wrong with me. And I have only one scar. A cat scratch scar, an impressive one for a house kitty. Along my lower back, left hand side. But it's a nice scar, nothing disfiguring.

And is 50 cows really enough? Can we not make it 100? Or at the very least 88!

DeTamble said...

@Bro G: I'm not your ordinary wife/sister. If there's cars going I want to know about it! If it's ego stroking I have the right to know. And hell if people think I'm worth two cars I want to know that. It's hard work maintaining a head as big as mine!

gayuganda said...

No, no, no Sis!

that is strictly a man's prerogative.

We shall of course parade them at the wedding, just before the 'Rape of the Willing'. So that everyone knows how, big, er, he is. At least money wise. But before that, the discussion and negotiations is between us brothers, isnt it?

And, WildeY brings this weird custom from his forefathers, which reinforces ours. Women are not supposed to talk money. Or possessions. It is, err, demeaning to womanhood. You understand!

We dont want to 'cheapen' you by involving you in the negotiations..

[wink, wink]

DeTamble said...

That's nice. But I care nothing for your macho traditions. It's my own womanhood and I'll cheapen it if and when I like.

Also, he'll come back bloodied and scratched after the 'Rape of the Willing'. And there will be no other wives. Not even unofficial ones. Unless I get to have several husbands.

No scratch that, he can have other wives but they have to be bi or just straight out lesbians and I get to pick them.

And no boy will tell me what is demeaning to my womanhood!!! I don't go around telling guys if what they're doing is demeaning to their manhood and I refuse to have some pigheaded cock thinking he knows best about women. I'm pretty sure he ain't a woman.
In fact the only men who get to decide what may or may not be demeaning to women are ones that have become women. The rest of them can go rape themselves with glass shards.

If you want to get something cool like a car out of MY body and soul being joined with another and you don't let me on the negotiations then guess what...I won't do it. I'll go marry some nice white boy who doesn't need customs to make him feel like a man.

Princess said...

Is it me or has DeT's feisty 'venom' diminished somewhat? :P

Princess said...

Oh, and hello, family mine! :-)

gayuganda said...


Possible reactions to this thouroughly unAfrican feminist rant.

1) Threaten that dear Comrade will not get married to her. so she will not even be the first wife.

2)Run off to WildeY and beg for his intercession. Afterall, he also wants a car.

3)Explain to this exasperating female that she is female, and not male. And that she has to bow low to African man's prerogative. [Cough, cough. That temper has gone off again.]

3)Look west, to the Americas, where younger sis Princess is currently learning all sorts of unAfrican things like accepting gay people as human beings, and give her the task of learning her, the proper african place of the woman.

4)Will the Comrade help? But, presumably he is in love, to leave all these nubile lovely African women and go for this white one. Sigh, love. He may decide to do all sorts of unAfrican things, like not giving me my car!!! So, he is an unreliable ally there.

5) Cry for help, to the world out there, to save me from this infuriating, untraditional womanhood, intent on breaking our god given right to rule and enslave all womanhood to a man's whim, like marrying 87 wives and having a village as my harem.

Of all these options, what should I do?

WildeY, please, advise.

gayuganda said...

Help, sis, help!

You are online. School this sis of yours!!!

Princess said...

LOL.School her?
I try not to engage in futile exercises. :P

gayuganda said...

[She's already corrupted by the Americans]

Princess said...

[sticks tongue out at GUG]

gayuganda said...

[sends a slap her way]

Princess said...


gayuganda said...


my privilege to educate wayward sisters!

Anonymous said...

Do you know the phrase "fiddling whilst Rome burns"?

gayuganda said...


[looking around in consternation]

where is the fire, where is the fire??????

gayuganda said...


you, who is not when you are not you.

Forgive my irreverent sense of humour. Sorry that our sense of the humour fails to coincide!

But it is simple. The blog does reflect a bit more than my gay self. Will bore you to explain all that.

and you are very welcome here.

[sorry, i had forgotten the manners mom instilled into me]

DeTamble said...

@Sis: Yes, diminished. What can I say? African macho stupidity just makes me shake my head and sigh, it doesn't infuriate me. It's the same stupidity that makes people follow religion unquestioningly and the same stupidity that creates homophobia. And people who follow blindly, well, there's very little hope for them. I'm afraid GUG will just have to continue to be a hypocritical loser for the rest of his life.

@Bro G: 1) I don't care if he marries me. You can't threaten that. It's pointless. I can still rape him in banana plantations regardless.

2) WildeY, yeah run off to him. Should be entertaining! :D

3) I'm female. You're male. Doesn't mean anything specific, doesn't make you special and certainly doesn't mean I should be bowing to you. You're not the Queen and I'm not being Knighted.

4) Comrade won't help. He's a better person then you. A better man. Because he understands that you will receive more respect from women if you treat them like people, not stupid beasts.

5) And why-oh-why should I not be allowed 87 husbands? I should be allowed as many husbands as my libido wants.

@Sis: See, you're far more intelligent than Bro here. Futile indeed. If anyone needs some education it should be GUG.

@GUG: Slap her again and I will punch you in the balls. Good thing you're not planning on having children.

@Sis: Well slap him back.

@Me: I know that phrase. It's one of the better ones :D

Anonymous said...

Me when i am me, Gug.
Come on...or are you so distracted that you forget even this.

DeTamble said...

@Me: He can't help it. He's so busy throwing his macho African weight around he's forgotten how to use his brain.

gayuganda said...

DeT is ranting.

She has forgotten the differences between the two of us.

DeT, I dont want to go into more of us.

And ME, there are some things which are too easy to tell apart. Who is not who he is, when he claims to be who he is?

Maybe you can try another trick. It might suit you better.

Sis, if you dont understand, well, you are not meant to. And you are supposed to be asleep. So go sleep.


gayuganda said...

Hey, I am high on alcohol.

Not a good way to conduct these kinds of conversations.

so, good night, deT. And I will not apologise, picking a leaf from your book!

Good night, I know it is light over there.


DeTamble said...

Firstly, it's already morning here.

Secondly, there is a reason I didn't want to get infuriated. It's a stupid topic. I think you're a moron. And don't think I wasn't brought up with customs and religion too. It just ocurred to me one day that they were pointless and I was wasting my time follow along like a sheep. I have a mind I might as well use it.

And your customs are sexist. And you whinge and whine about how people treat you as less than human because of your sexuality. Something you have no control over. So you should understand what's it like being told you cannot do something, are not intelligent enough, and are not worth as much because you are female. Something which you have no control over. You are hypocritical and you disgust me for not realising it.

gayuganda said...

Would it be very satisfying to say that I rest my case, vindicated by your reaction?

DeT, maybe the best thing for me to do would be to tell you to search my blog on the subject of women. Just type in women, or African women, or African woman, and see what google throws up for you. Maybe very enlightening.

And if you want to apologise, in Africa, for a woman, it is properly done on the knees.

Yes, I know, now the pot and kettle are flying....

Sorry little sis.

Now, go and do that search, and I do want a proper apology.

[I seem not to be blessed with any sense of what is appropriate.]

I will not risk angering you any more. Good morning to you, little big sis, who should be so angry by now that you do not even do the search.


Anonymous said...

You know DeT, you can whinge all you want about how our sexist customs , but we are men! And you're not! Therefore we KNOW what's best for you. :)

As GUG says, what your big brothers say, automatically is law. You ronly responsibility is to humbly submit....

* hides from the glare Princess is giving me right now.*

gayuganda said...

ha, help at last.

Bro, I thought you'd never arrive!

these girls want to change all the customs. They want to be 'modern'. They are...

[stop glaring at me, both of you! You know you do!]

gayuganda said...

Hey, me when I am not me.

If you are, then you know how to contact me.

Princess said...

Glaring obviously has no effect on you guys.:-)
*There are some traditions I will conform to. But that sexist crap, does not apply.

And GUG is not a sexist idiot, DeT.
That's supposedly his humour showing through. :D

gayuganda said...

[glare, glare, glare]

why do you mis represent me Princess?

I am a sexist... what were the other words.... idiot!!! I am. Why do you think you have to defend me?

I will glare you out of existence.


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