Why to the two of them?
deT wants me to write the things that I used to write about. About life as I saw it, and the things that make me tic.
Its hard. When I get involved in something like this gay rights thing, I become involved.
I have no regrets for that. I have realised that my self confidence has sky rocketed simply because I am so much more confident of my sexuality. So I affirm what I am. Because I cannot do it outside of cyber with impunity, I over-affirm it in cyber. Flush me, if you dare!!!!
But also, I get bored.
It is not the whole of me. It just aint the whole of me, activism. When I live, there is much more to life than the politics of who is calling me evil and who is not calling me that. I know that there will be people that I offend, and those I dont, and there are so many other things.
So, DeT [that terrible sis] decides to unleash anger. I listen, but, well, I am stubborn. And anger and coercion are exactly the wrong way to go about changing my mind...
But I do listen, though I just tend to find more reasons to do what I want to do.
Then comes Iwaya. Of Madandcrazy. Oh yeah, he was one of the first Ugandan bloggers to accept me. I like his style, and the fact that he stood up for me when I was such a newbee and strange, and no Ugandan wanted to make contact. He encouraged me.
As Comrade said, they were giving me the 'cold shoulder'. I was too strange, maybe.
Anyway, Iwaya has become cryptic and harder to understand. At least according to me! And he has at last bidden bye to the blog, or at least that is what it sounds like, and he points to another blog that he maintains once in a while.
I have just been there. I read through.
Personal. Strong, expressive. A gentle guide through his life. Good writing, in my book, but more. A guide on the hand, through what his life has been like.
I am no expert. Just note what I like. Always have, always will, most likely. But reading that made me remember that I am whole. A whole human being. My gayness may be important, but it is also part of what I am.
So, deT set me thinking. About what I was not writing about. Oh, of course there are other considerations. But she set me thinking.
Iwaya reminded me of what I wanted to do, some time ago on this blog.
I am gay. And a human being. Always will be.
I can explore the beauty of life, while I use the blog to highlight the other things that I am.
I stummer. Means that I always am unsure whether a person understand exactly what I mean... So, yes, I dont know whether you understand me, . but there we are.
Of course I can mix the two things. Be myself, and at the same time, be an 'activist'! But isnt that the beauty of being a whole human being? I am not special. Just one of those people who happen to have a blog, and be living in Uganda. So, I can write about everything, and nothing. I can talk about my lover, and his foibles- or I may not. I can laugh and cry, and also show up people who hurt me, instead of loving me.
I can be what I am, a human being. Complete. Natural.
Once I wrote that life is not politics.
I just have to remember that, and gosh, already, I am feeling much happier about it.