Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fear

It is a funny thing. Fear, that quizy feel in my stomach.

Yesterday, I was in fear. Real fear. Yet I could not admit it to myself. But I could not eat. And my partner was in fear too. Expecting to be arrested! Funny thing. Yet on the other hand, I realised that we have been so high profile that it is hard for us to be arrested for what we are doing. We are just using our freedom as Ugandans to talk about homosexuality positively.

Yeah, I know Nsaba Buturo is against any freedoms for kuchus like us. But the media houses are receiving us. And we are talking and talking, and I feel that, few as we are the hate that is coming from the other side is too virulent.

But I sat down (or paced up and down) and asked myself how I can be attacked. Various ways. And I am vulnerable against a ruthless state machinery if it is used. So, I thought about insurance. What to do in case of an attack. Contingency plans. Yes, I do have to insure myself against these attacks. Because they will come, especially if I go ahead and take a more prominent attacking role.

Anyway, I have to talk to my lover, just in case. Contigency planning. A very necessary thing, but wow, how the odds are shiveringly short. Yes, I can disappear. Just wiped off the face of this lovely earth. If I do, I will have gone. Dont cry for me. Life is short, just remember the good times alone!

But lets not be morbid. I will have many more years and live to bore you more with my lousy blogging. Gosh, it is hard but necessary to think about the what if.

GayUganda

2 comments:

Crescens said...

Gug,

Just keep the comments coming as long as you can..because if they stop (again) we will all worry that they got you!

gayuganda said...

I will try to keep up the flow.
It is an interesting time. Exhilarating in a way. A balance, walking a tight rope that may snap at any time beneath us. We are scared. Many are so scared they want the campaign stopped. It is tearing apart our anonymity.
But it is necessary. It has to be done. This particular closet has to be torn apart.

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