Thursday, July 3, 2008

To all My Cyber friends

This was going to deT. She has been complaining a lot. But I realised that I had to explain myself to others apart from her.

Apparently, I am more gay than WildeY. Am very curious to know what that means! Not that am offended, but you know, just what does that mean? Carlo will answer, if I am lucky!

DeT is having a problem with me. News, news, news and news. She wants something from dear older bro. This brat of a sis does not understand why I put up all this news.

Why do I?

deT, these are things which I cannot discuss outside of cyber. Like Iwaya commented once, this cyber is a safety valve for me. I want to let off the steam, in a constructive way. Not let it fester and corrode. Though it also makes me want to go out swinging.

Saw the post about Mulago? That kind of thing happens very often in Uganda. Our hospitals are sick places, but hell, we are in Africa. Low resources, etc, etc.

[I hate that excuse]…

But then, what about this?

East African health ministers should endorse a regional plan on sexual and reproductive health and rights, advocates have said. The ministers last year approved the 77-page regional strategic plan for 2008 to 2013 in Arusha, Tanzania, but turned around five months later.

And you know the reasons why the plan was turned around? Some clauses dared give homosexuals equality of rights. Maybe like having an HIV prevention programme. That makes me boil. My sexuality is simply being cited as reason enough to hurt the health service delivery in the country, and region!

Hell, I am gay because I am gay. No ‘mistake’ of mine.

But that seems not to be the case with people who have taken it to heart that being gay is the worst of all evils. Is funny that I have to fight to just confirm that I am human.

Makes me mad. And makes me sad, sometimes. And then I want to get back to writing, saying, see, I am human. Not perfect, but human, like you!

Olive here challenged phobes. You are just criticising homosexuals, was the message. Be constructive. I put up the post here, and sent Olive a copy. I did get an answer, which was combative. Misunderstood, maybe!

But there was this reply from a homophobe, Ibrahim Kyambadde who was angry that Olive had dared to advocate for a middle way! His message, "Olive, know that gays, lesbians and sodomy are evils; fight them." There is no middle way. Don’t know what Olive would say to that!

Sadly, that attitude characterises many of my country mates. Olive may be suprised to find good intentions make Olive an enemy- not an ally!

More news. The ‘anti-gay’ Anglicans, that is what the press is calling them, they released a statement of their schism which is not a schism.

I have not had the strength to read the whole of it.

Funny thing is, I understand them. The shortness of sight to believe that theirs is the only view of orthodoxy. That anyone else who thinks different is necessarily apostate. Akinola and Orombi, against the Canterbury man were actually venomous. Cant they see this? If the whole world can see it, why cant they?

They have won their war and split their church, but by demonising me and my sexuality. Feels a bit like Hitler and the Jews. Most of the six million who met the final solution must have wondered what the hell they had done to the madman!

Thing is, deT, I am one Ugandan in cyber at the moment. Yes, there are lots of other gay Africans out there. Maybe they do not have my angst and sense of aggrievement. And maybe I am just being a prat, complaining all the time.

But again, these things which are done, in 'good faith' on the part of many people, they hurt me. They do hurt me.

I may not be a Christian, but the homophobia from the Church of Uganda does hurt me. Doesn’t take much to know that it has influenced the ‘no HIV programme’ stance of the Uganda government. Saying sternly that ‘it is a sin’ like Nsaba Buturo does, holds weight here. It is a sin, and the church and mosque are united against it. I cannot even point out that the church and mosque are ‘hate-mongering’. It cant be that, they are the religions! That by definition means they cannot hate!

How can I put it? Maybe this way.

For a long time I believed I was cursed because I am homosexual. It was a slow discovery to actually understand that I am ok, even if I am homosexual. Yet it cannot stay that way. I am constantly being informed how bad and evil I am. To retain my sense of sanity, I need to constantly claim my basic humanity. I need to push back at the people who do certain things which, in their view may not be bad, but they hurt me. Whether in denigrating me, or undermining my self confidence.

They do it all the time. I push back all the time! Stressful? Hell, yes! But necessary.

So, I blog as I do. Understood sis?



DeTamble said...

Wanker. You think you're so damn smart. I do understand why you blog with news I was just saying it would be nice to have some of your old blogging style back for a bit. Just a tiny bit.

DeTamble said...

And another thing you total fuckhead, you don't always need to go around explaining yourself. We're not stupid, we can understand things without your oh-so-special help.

DeTamble said...

One last thing, all I was saying was that I was missing you. I come to visit and all I see is news articles and what some other hateful loser has to say. Where did the man that stood and watched the sunset go?

gayuganda said...


Sis, cantankerous as you are, can you slow down??????

DeTamble said...

No I can't slow down, you irritating child! You're such a git sometimes! How I wish you were close enough for me to reach out and smack you across the head. Like you deserve, you great overgrown idiot!

gayuganda said...

Ok, now that I have broken your diatribe, let me see where I was.

[before your anger interrupted...]

Of course I think I'm damned smart. Wouldnt be here if I wasnt [aggrieved], dont yu think I am smart??? I thought you did!

My old blogging style. A work in progress. Still evolving...

Err, and I dont explain myself to people I dont like. Me, am a total fuckhead, but you know, I do love you flying off the handle!!!!!!!

The man that stood and watched the sunset????

That is a thought.

It has been overcast the whole day, and I have been immersed in the same poem for 3 days now. Have to stop that.

DeT, life is beautiful, isnt it?

gayuganda said...

You said you weigh all of 45 kilos?

How does that translate to when you are all wrath?

DeTamble said...

How does 45kg translate into my wrath? I'm viciously violent. I scratch and tear and claw, teeth and nails. I growl and wriggle like a wild cat. You either need to be built like The Rock or have at least two people to keep me still. And just because I'm tiny doesn't mean I'm weak and I will not hesitate to rip the flesh from your back.

I think you're smart. Sometimes. And don't be silly, you're always always explaining yourself to people you don't like. I'm gay, I'm still a human being. Who are you explaining that to? Yourself? The people you don't like? Because you certainly don't need to explain it to the people you do like, or the people who like you. And yes, life is beautiful. Maybe if you remembered that a little more often you'd be able to finish your poem. Go stand outside, I hope it rains. I hope you get sick.

gayuganda said...

My, you are mad.

Problem is that I cant seem to summon up enough anger at you. Is that good or bad?

I have to explain. I am the oddity. If I did not explain, I would lash out, like you are doing! So, there would be no dialogue... So, works for me, even if it makes you good and mad!

DeTamble said...

I'm more sad then mad Guggy. I just miss you. I'm tired of news.

Anonymous said...

Does detamble mean that she'd rather you didn't post about being gay, just write gossip for the females because that kind of news excludes her gender?

DeTamble said...

I hope you get shot in the face Dave.

gayuganda said...

Oh, she is still mad.

45kg of wrath...

DeTamble said...

I'm not mad, well not at you anyway my Guggy brotherling. Are you having a nice day? How's your poem going?

gayuganda said...

Do you ever sleep?

Oh, the time difference. Ok, so, you should not have been awake the other time...


Oh, the poem? Wanted to tell you I had spent 3 days on it, just because I wanted. Not because I was forced or what. Just because I wanted. Makes a hell of a difference.

It is a beautiful day. Very beautiful. Overcast, promising rain, in the not so distant future. But it is simply beautiful. Because I am alive, and well, so are you!


DeTamble said...

Sleep? What's that? :-)
You're right. I shouldn't have been awake before. Count seven hours ahead and that's the time here.

When do we get to see it? Is it a poem we're allowed to see? Or is a bit, compromising...

It's pitch black here, well, almost, the ghost gums are still shining menacingly. And yes, I'm alive and thinking evil thoughts. What's the best way of killing a family member (not you) and getting away with it?

Carlo said...

Will you siblings tear your eyes out in real life and leave us in blogosphere alone?
GUG, to explain: WildeY is like any hot blooded male I've ever met. Maybe because he's single. He doesn't write sensitive poems or express love like you do. He pervs over other men. I've never seen a naked man on your blog. Well, besides that well chiseled side up there. Um, yeah, he's less gay cuz he's just like all the other straight men I know. The only gay friend I had was sensitive. You seem more sensitive than Wilde. I don't know how more to explain but I think he's more of a slut than you are and men are general sluts. No offence Wilde if you read this. Now I think I should just shut up and go back to reading anonymously.

gayuganda said...

Hey Carlo,

thanks for the explanation. Very interesting, your take of it!!!!!

Err, we sibs fight all the time. Sometimes undecover. She has just told the story of her conception, so I was wondering whether there was some gay sex involved.

Gosh, I also perv. I dont do it so much? Or is it because I am not single? Oh well, it is just interestiing, the way you put it!

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