To all My Cyber friends

This was going to deT. She has been complaining a lot. But I realised that I had to explain myself to others apart from her.

Apparently, I am more gay than WildeY. Am very curious to know what that means! Not that am offended, but you know, just what does that mean? Carlo will answer, if I am lucky!

DeT is having a problem with me. News, news, news and news. She wants something from dear older bro. This brat of a sis does not understand why I put up all this news.

Why do I?

deT, these are things which I cannot discuss outside of cyber. Like Iwaya commented once, this cyber is a safety valve for me. I want to let off the steam, in a constructive way. Not let it fester and corrode. Though it also makes me want to go out swinging.

Saw the post about Mulago? That kind of thing happens very often in Uganda. Our hospitals are sick places, but hell, we are in Africa. Low resources, etc, etc.

[I hate that excuse]…

But then, what about this?

East African health ministers should endorse a regional plan on sexual and reproductive health and rights, advocates have said. The ministers last year approved the 77-page regional strategic plan for 2008 to 2013 in Arusha, Tanzania, but turned around five months later.

And you know the reasons why the plan was turned around? Some clauses dared give homosexuals equality of rights. Maybe like having an HIV prevention programme. That makes me boil. My sexuality is simply being cited as reason enough to hurt the health service delivery in the country, and region!

Hell, I am gay because I am gay. No ‘mistake’ of mine.

But that seems not to be the case with people who have taken it to heart that being gay is the worst of all evils. Is funny that I have to fight to just confirm that I am human.

Makes me mad. And makes me sad, sometimes. And then I want to get back to writing, saying, see, I am human. Not perfect, but human, like you!

Olive here challenged phobes. You are just criticising homosexuals, was the message. Be constructive. I put up the post here, and sent Olive a copy. I did get an answer, which was combative. Misunderstood, maybe!

But there was this reply from a homophobe, Ibrahim Kyambadde who was angry that Olive had dared to advocate for a middle way! His message, "Olive, know that gays, lesbians and sodomy are evils; fight them." There is no middle way. Don’t know what Olive would say to that!

Sadly, that attitude characterises many of my country mates. Olive may be suprised to find good intentions make Olive an enemy- not an ally!

More news. The ‘anti-gay’ Anglicans, that is what the press is calling them, they released a statement of their schism which is not a schism.

I have not had the strength to read the whole of it.

Funny thing is, I understand them. The shortness of sight to believe that theirs is the only view of orthodoxy. That anyone else who thinks different is necessarily apostate. Akinola and Orombi, against the Canterbury man were actually venomous. Cant they see this? If the whole world can see it, why cant they?

They have won their war and split their church, but by demonising me and my sexuality. Feels a bit like Hitler and the Jews. Most of the six million who met the final solution must have wondered what the hell they had done to the madman!

Thing is, deT, I am one Ugandan in cyber at the moment. Yes, there are lots of other gay Africans out there. Maybe they do not have my angst and sense of aggrievement. And maybe I am just being a prat, complaining all the time.

But again, these things which are done, in 'good faith' on the part of many people, they hurt me. They do hurt me.

I may not be a Christian, but the homophobia from the Church of Uganda does hurt me. Doesn’t take much to know that it has influenced the ‘no HIV programme’ stance of the Uganda government. Saying sternly that ‘it is a sin’ like Nsaba Buturo does, holds weight here. It is a sin, and the church and mosque are united against it. I cannot even point out that the church and mosque are ‘hate-mongering’. It cant be that, they are the religions! That by definition means they cannot hate!

How can I put it? Maybe this way.

For a long time I believed I was cursed because I am homosexual. It was a slow discovery to actually understand that I am ok, even if I am homosexual. Yet it cannot stay that way. I am constantly being informed how bad and evil I am. To retain my sense of sanity, I need to constantly claim my basic humanity. I need to push back at the people who do certain things which, in their view may not be bad, but they hurt me. Whether in denigrating me, or undermining my self confidence.

They do it all the time. I push back all the time! Stressful? Hell, yes! But necessary.

So, I blog as I do. Understood sis?

GayUganda