Friday, October 16, 2009

Dose of Reality

I have been thinking about the options. Realistically thinking.

I am a Ugandan. Kuchu.... you know, gay, so I more or less have lived a fatalistically existential life. I mean, life is like it is. Sometimes it rains, many times the sun shines. When I wake and am fine, it is a great thing. When I am ok... it is good. Many are worse off, a few are better off than me. So what? That is life.

The complication of this new law... or bill, whatever. What does it realy mean to my life?

Once upon a time, my sense of outrage would have been great. I mean, I would have railed at Christians, feeling betrayed by Nsaba Buturo and Ssempa. The other night I saw Buturo on TV gloating that, now, here was a law that was tough enough to eliminate homosexuality from Uganda. This vice, as he calls it.

Reading through the bill, I get the feeling that the writers or framers or minds behind it wrote a blueprint to rid the country of homosexuality. For the 'practicing homosexual', once you are caught, you are going to prison for life. It is interesting that the earlier law gave us a minimum of 14 years. But now, according to this one. Life imprisonment. Death for 'aggravated homosexuality'. So, it would be a matter of fact that if well applied, this law should rid Uganda of 'homosexuals' according to its definition, in a short while. Or, at least that is what they think.

Check out how one guy extrapolated that idea here. Will all of us kuchus be removed from society, be in prison or dead soon?

Most likely not. And, I really wish this was a dream! But again, I have to pull myself back. What will happen?

I kind of pity Ssempa and Nsaba-Buturo. Buturo in particular. He is a well meaning guy, concerned about the 'morality' of the country, and so bent on fighting me that he doesnt understand why I am fated to beat him. Or, at least I think I am. He believes that this law is powerful enough a deterrent to stop my homosexual behaviour. But I am gay... Cant change my sexuality. Even to please Buturo. Been there, tried that. Failed. And now, am happier.

Ok. What about suspending my activity. Which????
Yeah, diving deeper into the closet. Dont know how that would work. Me and my lover have been so out in the community, and so vocal that we are well known. In a way.... The price of being out. Too many uninterested people know who I am, that I am gay, and that I write this blog. So, what to do now?

Should I delete this blog? Cut and run, take away all the things I have written about Ssempa and Nsaba Buturo and rilled against the hypocrisy of christianity in Uganda? No.
Not an option. I just enjoy being a thorn in their flesh... Let them try to find me. During the anti-gay campaignh, Ssempa did mention the blog in his sermons at KPC. He was telling the faithful that he understood that there were gay people in his congregation. Oh, I know he may read this. I enjoy that irreverent humour of mine too much. This is the only place that I can be free.
So, last things first, I will continue blogging. And, most likely Buturo will, after passing the law, seek out my identity and try to have me arrested and confined for 'promoting homosexuality'. That is the law of the land, wont it be?

This revelry aside. Am I at risk? Yes, but I dont have much that I can do about that. So, I would rather not think about it.... Good ostritch!

There are things that I can do. For example, I have been scrounging the files on my desktop at work. Er, for any files which may point to my 'promotion of homosexuality'. And other minor things...

Oh, I have to think, think, think, think...

So much more to do.


gug

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