Friday, October 30, 2009

Gloves Off

Just hit me like a nuclear blast.

I am fighting for my life. Literally.
Yeah, take off the 'parsing', the nuancing, the sleight of hand and words. I as a gay Ugandan, am fighting for my life.
Melodramatic? But, if I dont recognise that fact, I am going to be constrained.

Sometimes, I have been accused of 'whining'. Of over exaggerating the danger to me as a gay Ugandan. Of playing the 'victim' card. Of course I do.
But, it is important for me to understand that the reality is much darker than that.

As I sit here, writing, a bill is being debated in parliament, whether me as a gay Ugandan should be quickly put to death, or I should stay in prison for life. They first have to prove that I am gay. Or, at least, someone has to accuse me. Then, once I am accused, the state apparatus will go into play. The burden of 'non-proof' will be with me. And, I will be in prison as I try to work my way through the corrupt courts.

The chances of that bill passing are very, very high. The political support is so much that it is a done deal. All those who support me are called 'promoters of homosexuality' or homosexuals themselves.

Dark, indeed. Dark....

Indeed. And, it is so surreal, that I can forget it that it is a battle for life.

I have been reading a Monitor article. They are not really 'pro-gay'. But, they are independent. And, with a deluge of articles that support the bill, and, the govt so overtly and covertly pushing that Bahati Bill, they are looking for the other side of the story.

It is a war. I cannot quit. I cannot turn away. It strikes at the heart of what I am, my assertion that I am a human being.
There are no two ways about it. My country mates, fellow Ugandans, are debating whether or not they should put me to death, or imprison me for life, just because of what I am. It is useless to whine that I have done them no harm. The harm that they see is enough for them to decide, the vast majority, that I deserve to die.

I whine that it is baseless. Someone in Monitor took it a bit further. Bahati, Ssempa and Nsaba-Buturo sought to make a mountain out of a grain of sand. They have succeded in scaring most of my country mates. I am the hapless grass and prey underneath their juggernaut.

Here, I have taken and show the Monitor article.  Uganda's Toothless Battle on Gays. It is revealing.

But, suddenly, there is a sense of urgency.

Sorry Princess, dear sis. I have to take off the gloves from now on. This is not a battle that I would like to fight, but, I need to. I need to know that I am fighting my countrymates, who want my life for it.

Sobering. But I need to know, and understand. It is a fight for life. My life.



Leonard said...

It is a fight for life. My life.¨ gug

Exactly, never underestimate the power of selfrighteous ignorance and everyday bigotry...this past week I put a wreath on the grave/vault of my dearone who was murdered 11 years ago.

Assume nothing.

Princess said...

You have every right to take your gloves off. I realise now that I was wrong to suggest that the situation was not as dire as it is.

Frank said...

You can't have a Kristalnacht without Kristians.

Meg F said...

How exactly can you fight this, though? You can't have a public protest, speak publically, holds hands in public...what kind of battle can be won by fighting ENTIRELY underground? Is this situation 100% hopeless? The only thing I could think of was if international pressure was strong enough protesting the "Bahati Bill," there would be consideration against it, but I doubt any strongly worded suggestiong--which is all it would amount to be--would really be strongly worded enough, or respected for what it is. Any commentary from another country is so easily deliberately misinterpreted and thrown aside. Is this the only way one can fight, by praying that someone else, someone stronger and unattached so as not to be influenced, will come to their aid?

No one wants to give up, but what's the difference between "giving up" and continuing to do the only thing they can publically that will get attention--nothing?

gayuganda said...

Meg F,

Dont want to think about that. Too logical, too depressing.

But, but, but...

the only option after that thought is to lie down and die. Is that an option? God forbid.

The very act of writing this comment is protest. The very blog is a protest. It is an action, and sets my mind thinking.

Of course, it is a case of David vs Goliath, and I am very aware that I may not be able to do anything. But I will try. This bill means life in hell for me. As simple as that.

I cant simplify it. I cant make it easier. I cannot duck it. But, I have to remember that I have actually lived in this hell and survived. So far....

Though, it is just going to become worse...! Oh well!

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