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ANALYST: With Gays gone, MPs sleep soundly              

The Analyst

Written by The Analyst           

Wednesday, 21 October 2009 22:28

KAMPALA, 2010 – Uganda’s law makers can now sleep soundly in Parliament, following the “highly successful” purge of homosexuals and lesbians from the House and the country at large.

Beaming from ear to ear, the chairman of the newly formed Parliamentary Committee on National Obscurantism, Hon. Daudi Ba-Hate, told The Analyst on the footsteps of the August House that “with gay people confined to their rightful place – the prison or the grave – peace and sanity is prevailing in Parliament”.

“You can come in and see for yourself. The honourable members are sleeping, snoring and farting in peace. Luckily, the air conditioner is working, so the smell is not a big problem. It is a far cry from the days when we still had homosexuals in the House”.

Hon. Ba-Hate said that unlike the days when homosexuals and lesbians had “infiltrated” Parliament and kept the legislators on their toes, they can now sleep soundly and wake up at the appropriate time to vote in support of the NRM government, as “prescribed” by party leaders.

President Yoweri Museveni, the NRM party supremo, was quoted sometime back as saying that he doesn’t have a problem with law makers who sleep their way through parliamentary proceedings, provided they wake up to vote for the NRM position.

“Before we kicked out the homosexuals, we couldn’t sleep. I had to watch my beautiful bum at all times! But now that we have buried the homosexuals, I can sleep in full confidence that no one is going to pinch my bum. No, actually, let me re-phrase that: if someone pinches my bum while I am sleeping, I can be confident that it is a female Honourable being naughty and vice-versa,” he explained.

Hon Ba-Hate, who is credited with ramming an anti-gay law into Parliament last year, said that even the poor peasants in his constituency were happy that “their bums are safe”.

“I used to worry about the bums of my people who, as you know, dress in rags due to poverty. But once we adopted the law against homosexuals, the problem of poverty, I mean exposed butts feeling insecure, disappeared just like that. Now my people are very happy. They are not complaining about rags any more.

Talk of killing two birds with one stone!” he said. The Obscurantism committee chairman said that he was sure that just like their leaders in Parliament, the peasants will sleep soundly and only wake up on polling day in 2011 to vote for the NRM party.

analyst@observer.ug