Very Personal

Yesterday, I came out to another of my brothers.

So help me the deities, but, I do have enough of them. Which makes it a chore, because I have decided that it is time. And, it would not be a good thing for them to know from the TV that big bro is an out and out homosexual.

Yeah, of course I do the charming, ‘You know I am a homosexual’ routine. Except that I use the word gay.

I don’t know what they think about it. Don’t give them much time to digest it. Maybe I am wrong that way. But, it is stressful embarrassing thing. I know what they all think about being gay. So, I kind of have to go through that all the time, and want to spend as little time as possible on the actual job. Call me a coward, you wont be far wrong.

Why don’t heterosexuals come out? Hey, you know I am hetero…! It would even the score. Just a bit!

Anyway, I tell my bro. And, he goes tells my dad something about it.

Today was Daddy’s birthday. 72 years. I believe.

Yeah, Daddy came to me after he had talked to brother. And, he was agitated.

He is an elder. On the village, in the clan, in the tribe. He has taken a lifetime of work to get to this position of respect all around. And, I am doing him the disfavour of coming out to all and sundry. Saying what I am, gay, and fearless about it.

Hey, I thought he would be happy about it…

No. He was not. And, a kind request, could I at least think of getting off the village? I can do it out of sight, at least. He may know that I am there, but…!

The old man had designated me the heir apparent.

See, am the second son, but the apple of his eye. But, I thought….! He has pleaded with me to get married. Silence on my part. He even offered me a girl, and I laughed him off. No thanks, I told him. Then, he told me, at least children. He didn’t think that I am sterile just because I am gay. No response from me. Then, he pleaded, more than a year ago now, at least one child. Even if it is a girl. (We are Africans. A girl child does not grow the clan. A boy child does.)

I was deaf to his entreties.

Well, I am gay.

I knew he knew it, but, we would not discuss it before this year. Maybe I have something to thank Bahati for!

Needless t say, my whole day was spoilt yesterday. Today, I decided to try and cover up the loss that I felt. It hurts. Very badly. It hurts.

But I am afraid with the threat of life imprisonment, and Death in my own country, I cannot respect my dad’s request to remain silent.

Maybe we can come to a compromise. A bit of it.

But the bill is still in parliament. And there is work to do.

And, he remains my Dad. Wonder how Mom is taking it?

A very personal post. Have a great day. It is night here, and I have to make sure I don’t spend too much time thinking about that.

Good evening.

gug