Anger.

That is a potent emotion. And, it can be quite appropriate in some occasions.

At others, it just isn't.

Glad to say that I have learnt to harness mine, a bit more appropriately. Sometimes it does spill over, and it is hot and devastating. And, it injures me of course.

Why am I going on and on about anger?

Just seen this article in the Monitor.  My Husband is Gay.

Uh!

Of course, first one says, poor woman. I know I am gay. I just damned well don't have any reason deceiving a woman that I will marry her, and we shall live happily ever after.

[Now, I am being a hypocrite. I did consider that. Seriously, and more than once. Because it didn't happen will not make me any less a hypocrite. And, of course I know that most of my kuchu friends are married. Some less happily so than others.]

Then of course, my defensive side poured scorn on the 'poor woman'. What about the poor man. And, I do identify more with the guy than the woman.

He had to get married. He got children in the marriage. [remember poor Kagaba, the happy heterosexual ex-gay with a child?]

And now?

Well, he was gay. He is still gay. Getting married didn't 'cure' him. Maybe that is why it all seemed as if they were a model loving couple. With a child.

The story is from the woman's point of view. The injured party.

• In a womanly anger, she is outing the guy, more generally. There are enough details for one to know the who and where and when. Hope she has fun.
• The guy did tell her, at last.
• And, when she confirmed it, via her sister in law… who providentially works in a telecommunication company----

HEY GUYS AND GIRLS, BE CAREFUL! TEXT MESSAGES ARE NOT, THEY ARE NOT SAFE!!!!

Of course government eavesdrops on the voice calls. But, be careful of the sms too.

I guess the Bahati Bill is doing more direct damage even before it works its way through the Parliament committees. Anyway, here is the rest of her story.

The day "His Excellency" spoke is when doom befell me. He told me about George but i didnt believe it at first. It was when I went to bed that night and connected two and two that everything added up. I still kept my cool because I thought he was lying and was just tired of me. I confided in my sister-in-law, who luckily works with a telecommunications company. She traced my husband's text messages and got me more information than I wanted.

The texts were terrifying and disgusting! It was clear that Julius was the "woman" in the relationship. After reading how they missed each other overnight and couldn't wait to kiss, how in the basement during lunch break that week Julius was great and made good sounds... my blood pressure shot up and I woke up in AAR. My-in-law had gone to get us dinner and Steven was the first person I saw. When he leaned forward to hold me, he accidentally called me George - I lost consciousness!

---

the recriminations. The self doubt, the anger, the feelings of betrayal.

 

I am so torn because to me, this is the worst form of betrayal and by far the most unforgivable. I have not talked to him since and even threw him out of the house because I can't stand the sight of him. We were a model couple to our friends, who envied us, but soon the cat will be out of the bag. I don't know what embarassment awaits me because we held together their crumbling marriages, yet ours is coming down in a different and more ashaming heap. I feel like stabbing him in his sleep!

I don't have the answers to why he turned out like that. Heaven knows I've tried to be the best wife, companion and friend and don't know if I really deserved this from him. I wish he were dead; then I would be a content widow and my children orphans.

----

Yes, I do feel for the lady. But, I also feel for the man.

His previously model family, apparently happy life is coming down around his ears. He is being outed and thrown to the dogs by his own wife, who feels outraged, and injured.

But, I cant help feeling that, the Bahati bill caused a lot of self examination for the guy. He actually did come out to the wife.

And, he chose the liberty of getting out of the closet, to the shame and hypocrisy of living a lie for the rest of his life.

Suddenly, my frustrated anger has disappeared. I know the lady is in pain. That is why she is doing what she is doing now. But, I also figure the guy is ready to take on life as it is written. Because of what he is.

Improbable silver lining to a truly dark cloud. What do you think?

 

gug

Inconsequentials.

Good morning.

Its chilly here. Chilly indeed. Has been raining a lot. Thought the wet season was over. But, seems global warming has a different season schedule for us. Well, that is life. Why should I fight against what I cannot change?

Except the Bahati, Anti-Homosexuality Bill, of course.

Have a visitor in the house, my in-law. Cousin to my lover, on fathers side. So, he is his brother, the way we take things here. My Muko.

He was told the facts of our life, before he came. I think the reality has been a little bit overwhelming… I mean, you may hear of homos. But, to live in their home when they are pretty unwilling to hide the fact that they love each other, that is something else.

Bite me. One of the un-intended consequences of the Bahati bill has been a defiance. So, they want to hunt and kill us? Better come out of the closets and show them we are. In truth.

But, my Muko is coming round nicely. Started off almost too shy… but, I was always introducing him as my Muko. Remember the almost comic expression of disbelief when one of my brothers came to visit, and, I point to my bro and say, this is my bro, and then to the Muko and say, this is my in-law. I think he expected me not to blurt it out. But, they both know. So what? Seems as if the skies are yet to descend on us.

A brief review of what is on the net.

It is not God who wants to kill the homosexuals. It is YOU.

A bold statement that is being pushed into the hate speech that comes from Langa and Ssempa and Bahati, plus, plus, plus.

Here is the article. And, it is well written. I do get tired of some people telling me they want to kill me, in the name of their god, of course. No, it is not their god. It is THEM. Period. No parcing with words.

Being Lesbian in Uganda. Check out the article.

And, before we go too far, remember that the post, Ssempa's Infamy is being continuously updated. Check out the reaction of some Moslems. and, of course, the Observer's Analysts screams in at the number of new 'recruits' the Porn Screenings at Pastor Ssempa's church has had. Amazing!

Have a great day, chill and all.

gug

The Experts Speak; On Steven Langa's and David Bahati's Quack Psychology

[forgive my crowing. Yes, I am too combative, which kind of makes me an unhealthy person to debate with.
The damned doctors are way too well enscoced in their ivory towers to come out and pronounce on things which concern us mere mortals. But, the South Africans are coming out. Swinging.]

An Open Statement from the Psychological Society of South Africa to the People and Leaders of Uganda Concerning The Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009

An Open Statement from the Psychological Society of South Africa

to the People and Leaders of Uganda Concerning

The Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009

And addressed to:

President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni

aak@statehouse.go.ug

Speaker of Parliament, Rt. Hon. Edward Ssekandi Kiwanuka

dnuwamanya@parliament.go.ug

Introduction

On the occasion of the proposed legislation in Uganda to greatly expand your country's existing criminalisation of homosexual behaviour, as well as to criminalise those who fail to report even suspicion of it including family members, colleagues and health care professionals;

And given arguments made in the bill itself and from its proponents in numerous public statements that it is intended to achieve the laudable goal of protecting youth, families and communities;

And given that there has been ample critique by civil society including human rights, public health and faith communities addressing a range of serious concerns from those perspectives;

And given that it is good practice that legislation is based not on unsubstantiated opinions, but rather on recognised research findings;

And given that there has not yet been a scientific analysis of the core assumptions and arguments being made to justify the legislation;

And given that the considerable body of relevant international scientific research provides a context in which to assess the assumptions and issues presented by The Anti-Homosexuality Bill 2009; 

It is therefore incumbent on representatives of organised psychology, as leaders in the field of mental health and well-being, to offer such an analysis and recommendations as follows[1]:

The Nature of Sexual Orientation

Sexual orientation refers to one's emotional, romantic and sexual attraction to men, women, or both sexes.  It can also refer to a person's core sense of identity based on those attractions, related behaviours, and membership in a community of others who share those attractions.

Research and clinical experience have found no relationship between sexual orientation and someone's ability to contribute to the community and to influence children to become responsible members of society.

Research and clinical experience further concludes that for most people sexual orientation is not "a choice" or "voluntary."  The core aspects of sexual orientation, whether heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, typically emerge by early adolescence, even though the individual may not yet have become sexually active.

While "causes" for any of these sexual orientations remain unclear, they are highly resistant to change.  Further, there is no reliable evidence that sexual orientation is subject to redirection, "conversion" or any significant influence from efforts by psychological or other interventions. 

Research and clinical experience concludes that homosexual or bisexual orientations are naturally occurring minority variations of normal human sexuality. They are also documented widely throughout nature.

The Sexual Orientation of Adults Does Not Adversely Affect Children in Their Care

A common manifestation of prejudice against homosexual people has been the allegation that gay men in particular pose a danger to children.  Yet, all available reliable research data and clinical experience concludes that gay men are not more likely than heterosexual men to sexually exploit and abuse children.  Claims to the contrary seriously mischaracterise the research and rely on suspect sources.  The presumption that homosexual men are paedophiles also is not supported by respected, peer reviewed research.

South African-based as well as other international research has found that there is no difference between children who are raised by homosexual versus heterosexual parents regarding matters such as sexual orientation, gender identity, sex-role behaviour, likelihood of being sexually abused, self-concept, intelligence, personality characteristics, behaviour problems, peer relations, parental separation and divorce, general adjustment and accomplishment of developmental tasks.

Effects of Discrimination based on Sexual Orientation

Both international and South African research has found significant negative effects of exclusion and other forms of discrimination based on sexual orientation. Sexual orientation-based discrimination presents the same risks of psychological and other harms as discrimination on the basis of race, religion or gender.

Notably, among youth who identify as homosexual or bisexual or who think they may be, research concludes that family rejection and exclusion, as well as bullying by peers, correlates highly with a range of high risk behaviours and outcomes ranging from truancy to substance abuse to attempts at suicide.

In much of sub-Saharan Africa, homosexuality is firstly interpreted as "foreign," portrayed as "un-African" and a "white import."  In some traditional African beliefs, those of a same-sex sexual orientation are considered cursed or bewitched; that is, damned by the forefathers and the gods.  In primarily Christian and Muslim African countries alike, gay men and lesbian women are confronted with religious condemnation. 

Much evidence points to this stigmatisation leading to deep-seated and widespread prejudice, discrimination and violence toward those who are not heterosexual.  A session on homosexuality at the 2^ndAfrica Conference on Sexual Health and Rights, hosted in Kenya in 2006, noted that fear, hatred and abuse at the hands of largely intolerant and unsympathetic peers and elders hampers the personal growth and well-being of African homosexuals.

Also widely documented among the outcomes of prejudice and discrimination are consistently high rates of anti-homosexual harassment and violence, both state sanctioned and extrajudicial.  Furthermore, criminalisation on the basis of sexual orientation has been found to exacerbate social discrimination and, in particular, leads service providers to discount, ignore and neglect the needs of lesbian, gay and bisexual people, thus compounding their vulnerability.

Conclusion

The scientific fields devoted to mental health and well-being, including psychiatry, psychology and sociology, do not consider homosexual orientation to be a disorder, but rather view it as a naturally occurring variation of normal human sexuality.  Research and clinical practice indicates that homosexual people have an overall potential to contribute to society similar to that of heterosexual people and that they pose no greater risk to children than do heterosexual people.

While the proposed bill cites "…the need to protect the children and youths of Uganda…" as justification, there is no credible, reliable evidence that the measures contained in the bill will achieve that outcome.   Research and clinical practice instead indicates that the abuse of human rights and fundamental freedoms embodied in the bill, and the state sponsored discrimination and affronts to basic human dignity it mandates, would instead result in profound physical and psychological harms to the already vulnerable lesbian, gay and bisexual youth in the very population the legislation claims to protect.

On the grounds outlined in this statement, the Psychological Society of South Africa (PsySSA) therefore joins the international community in strongly opposing the proposed anti-homosexuality legislation.   The PsySSA joins in the call for Ugandan leaders to abandon or defeat the bill, and instead to join the trend in the international community of decriminalising homosexuality.

Call to Action

The Psychological Society of South Africa invites other organisations and professionals dedicated to mental health and well-being, particularly throughout the African continent, to join us by endorsing this statement and forwarding notification of endorsement to the President of the Republic of Uganda and the Speaker of the Ugandan Parliament at the addresses above as we will do upon release of this statement.  We further ask that organisations and individuals so doing also kindly copy their endorsement to PsySSA so that we can monitor the response.

• Psychological Society of South Africa notification address: nelja@unisa.ac.za

The Psychological Society of South Africa (PsySSA) is the professional body representing psychologists in South Africa. PsySSA has since its inception been dedicated to making a significant contribution to solving the pressing human development problems in South Africa. PsySSA is committed to the transformation and development of South African Psychology to serve the needs and interests of all South Africa's people. PsySSA advances psychology as a science, profession and as a means of promoting human well-being.

The Psychological Society of South Africa is a member of The International Network on Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Concerns and Transgender Issues in Psychology.

---

---

[1]  Note, list of references available on request.

Selective Morality

Some people do think it is easy to get asylum.

No. It isnt. Even when one is gay. Part of the reason I will fight tooth and nail to make sure that I have exhausted all the necessary steps to stay in Uganda, and only seek asylum as a very last resort.
This report of a Gay Ugandan asylum seeker is the one which has set me off.

Fact, I will need to have a very good reason for leaving Uganda to face the indignity that is described in this article. A reason like the loss of my life. Yes, I know, (sighhhhh!), another reason to bury my head in the sand like an ostrich. Dont worry, life is too precious for me to throw away. Inspite of the Bahati Bill.

Frank Mugisha talks about being Gay in Uganda, here. I havent watched the film. My link is too slow. But, I am sure he says all the good things....! Or the bad things, whatever your take. And, Julius Kaggwa on NPR radio.

But, since the topic is selective morality, let me get back to it.

You, of course have heard of Uganda's Gay Porn showing Pastor. If you havent, where have you been hiding? Come out, here is the feed. And, the reactions.
Did I point out that the Honourable minister for morals in Uganda, Minister of Ethics and Integrity, the Honourable James Nsaba-Buturo is a very close friend of the Gay Porn Show pastor? Maybe it did skip my mind. But, I wrote to the press, and had that letter copied to the Minister of Morals. As the 'Concerned Citizen' gug.

But, the Minister of Uganda's Morals is a very interesting guy. These days, he doesnt speak so much about the huge evil immorality of the homosexuals who he wants to forget about human rights, and surrender their right to life and liberty.
I think someone asked him to shut up. But, I may be wrong.

He still speaks about corruption.
Do you know who the Ugandan Public think are the most corrupt politicians? Museveni, Mbabazi, Muhwezi - Top Most Corrupt Politicians? They are effectively the dear President, the Minister of Defence, and the Minister for something. I think one or the other of those is related to the President.


Who defends the President? the Rt, Honourable Nsaba-Buturo.

However, the Minister in charge of instilling Ethics and Integrity, James Nsaba Buturo, dismissed the ACCU's findings as unscientific. "It is dangerous, wrong to make such bold statements about people of high authority basing on people's opinions which may not be informed. It is not a reliable measure in any way. ACCU needs to move to scientific methods of gathering evidence and needs to make wider consultations before making such accusations. They need hard evidence to make such a case. In which corruption case has the President been cited, for example?" Buturo asked.

 Has enough been said without bringing the heavy eye of authority on me? It can be scathing. Burning.... but my beef is with the Minister of Ethics whose view of morality is very, err, selective.

But then, he is a politician, not so?

Intellectual Dishonesty. I dont speak English as a first language. Sometimes the words just fail to roll off my tongue.

I was looking for that particular duo, Intellectual dishonesty, and I did fail to get it. It was in relation to some people who vehemently support Ssempa, and his doings... the porn show plus. And, Bahati, who seems to be convinced that the bill he wrote will not kill me. Or, is that the exact translation and what I want to mean by 'intellectual dishonesty'? Telling a lie, for the lie's sake. Dishonouring ones own intelligence, to gain your way.

I have to go and think about that.

Me, when I am dishonest, I try to be a good hypocrite. Of course, I do tell lies....

Be well, and have a lovely day

Here, it is raining cats, dogs, and assorted other livestock. Be good.

gug

PS.

One cannot talk about selective morality without mentioning some of our own pastors. Ugandan pastors, I mean. (Oups, I have mentioned one, havent I?)
Anyway, during the Pastor Wars, 5 pastors ganged up to accuse one of their colleagues of being a homosexual. So, the accusations stood for some time, and their fellow fought that war, and they found themselves on the back burner. According to the police report, these pastors had actually paid money to the men who were accusing the prominent pastor rival.

Are you with me?

Ok. Now, Benny Hinn is reported to be dealing with divorce papers. And, so says the red rug rubbish, sodomy on a trip to Uganda is cited. I hate not to be able to confirm things, but the red rug writes lies for the sake of selling the paper. Anyway, the red rug headline yesterday; 'Benny Hinn Sodomised Top Kampala Pastor.'
Today, one of the articles is that Male and Kyazze, two of the pastors that accused their rivals of sodomy take this as vindication. So, they took the chance to say they know the pastor who was so 'sodomised'


I think, soon is coming another episode in the Pastor Wars. If you want to really know more of those, search Pastor Wars on this blog.
And, yes, the selective morality of Uganda's 'Christian Pastors' is sometimes overwhelming. They do embarass even me, sodomite as I am. What intellectual incompetence! It is breathtaking. But, what have they done wrong?


Be well


gug

Great Article

Sometimes one comes an article that is so great an assesment of what is happening on the ground that one wants to share it, without embellishments.

Mutua was in Kenya, before he came to Uganda. He is a Kenyan, and what is happening in Kenya is very connected with what is happening in Uganda.

So, he came to Uganda to address the homophobia, and was shocked, and did rebuke the homophobia.

In Kenya, the Mombasa anti-gay riots had just happened. And, he did address them.

Its kind of funny. A while ago, Kenya was the most intolerant of nations. With little freedom. Now, in East Africa, the Kenyans look at Uganda and shake their heads. They cant imagine the limitation to freedom of speech, thought, in Uganda.

Oh well.

Here is the opinion piece. Read it, and great reading.

Debate on the gay rights shows progressive change in Kenya

gug

Back

Of course I am.

This is like an addiction. Of course I always have to come back.

Now, the streets of Kampala have been red with the red rug. I said I dont reference that particular piece of dirt here, but, it is on their net.
Now, what they are reporting is this.

• You know the US televangelist Ben Hinn was hit by divorce papers? That news was so big it did kind of get the attention of the faithful in Uganda. We always see him on TBN's Lighthouse television.
  
• Now, the red rug says that the wife cites in the papers that Ben Hinn had sex when he came to Kampala, Uganda. Gay sex at that.
  
• And, apparently the gay sex was with a prominent Ugandan preacher.
  
• Have I ever mentioned here that Ben Hinn is a friend of Pastor Robert Kayanja?

And, after saying that, in true red rug fashion, do I need to go on about the essence of the red rugs allegations? Enough said. Ok, I forgot the headline. 'Benny Hinn Sodomised Top Kampala Pastor.'

--

Pastor Ssempa got so much press about the Gay Porn Shows, that he decided that there was something like too much press. So, he decided to rein it in. With a press release which seems to dig deeper the hole for the man. Oh well! If I was his public relations manager, I would fire myself...

Anyway, he continues to bear the monica, 'Uganda's Porn Peddling Pastor' Ssempa.

A most illuminating statement from him, justfying the Porn show. At least a gay porn show...! 

"we have to educate ourselves about what homosexuals do."

Indeed. We have to. Any news on where the porn show will be next? I do need to educate myself too!

Odonga Otto and his slaying of a gay son. What people say in their hate of homosexuals is interesting. Very.

But, I have to sign off. My concentration is failing me. So, later...!

gug

Rumblings

Where I was, I realised that something which characterises those who are hostile to us is a profound ignorance of us.

So, is it hate? Do they really hate us?

I have no doubt that there are some who fully, truly hate homosexuals. Nothing can explain the language they use, their actions. During the Agenda Uganda NTV production, from the audience was one member who articulated that the death penalty by hanging was nothing. It was too soft. In his view, homosexuals, gay Ugandans should be taken to the Clock Tower and shot to death, in public. As was done in Amin's time. Firing squad in public.

He said that, addressing Val Kalende directly, on TV. She had come as a gay person.

Yes, there are some who truly hate us. Including the ones who tell deliberate lies so that we are demonised.

But, the vast majority of people are hostile to us gay people through a profound ignorance. Ignorance fuelled by the lies of those who do hate us, but ignorance nonetheless.

Our Kenyan brothers took some time to reflect on what was happening in Kenya, Mombasa recently. This was not an isolated incidence. That was the overwhelming message. Hate, hate speech, and violence do occur on a day to day basis to LGBT people, in Kenya. 

It is a little known secret. We can fight hate with love. Check out the story of Jesus of Nazareth. Or, a little known guy, Mahatma Ghandhi. Yes we can.

But, is that a strategy to take with these guys? The haters, and the ignorant?

Another Christian Ministry lashes out at the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. It is just not Christian. And, they come armed with verses from the Bible, which Ssempa should understand. Ssempa, after dismissing all the Christians who don't support him has found himself dealing with Christians who believe it is not exactly kosher to show porn in Church. Even in such a laudable reason as making people hate homosexuals. Was told of two programmes on the fm stations here in the last couple of days that, err, where not happy. And, from an unreliable resource, he was actually criticized in his Church. But, I am not so sure….

Of course we do have friends.

Who are in turn vilified and held in contempt. For supporting us, a community that is pariah.

Hold on friends. And, thanks for being friends with us when the cost of that is something that is real. You are in truth friends.

Forget the hypocrites of religion… Those, I am not afraid to call them hypocrites. They are.

Those who fight with us fight for a number of reasons. Human rights, religion (oh yes, some fight for us in the name of Jesus, odd that others use that to bash us.), health and a range of others. Including those who say, wait, they are HUMAN BEINGS.

All are derisively named 'promoters of homosexuality'. And, those who make the bill want to punish them, with de-registration, jail time, fines. Because they simply think we should be thought of as human beings.

Here is an interesting BBC article on the anti-gay news from Africa in the last few weeks.  It is interesting, because it has been complained that the BBC reports, especially from Mombasa, Kenya, were inaccurate. But this is a thoughtful summary.

And, some brave news from Kenya.  Is interesting the contrasts, the differences that can occur within the same country.

Now, I will have to sign off.

Havent dealt with the wealth of emails yet. Hope to, but for now, still recovering from some exertions.

 

 

gug

Tired.

 

Bone tired.

 

that is the overwhelming sensation. For two days I have been away from my beloved- [ahem, ahem], blog. Now, seems like I was away right into a dry desert and I need to say something. Anything, however silly….!

 

Yes, even if I am tired.

Sometimes, most times, most of our labours appear fruitless. And one comes out wondering whether it was worth it to risk all. And then one remembers that there is little to risk. That there are some pretty solid arguments for me being truthful to myself. That is a help.

 

Why do we continue the fight when we appear to lose consistently, always, heavily? Because we are human beings. And, we shall not sacrifice our humanity just because some person tells lies against us.

 

Because, if we don't stand up and walk, limp on… Well, we shall be dead. Simply dead. So, we shall take joy in our limping walk.

 

Funny situation. I have an in-law of mine in the house. My lover isn't around, but he assured me that the guy has no problems with what we are.

So, I took him to a bar where someone hit heavily on him. I am a wicked person, I admit. Didn't warn him…. But, did I have to? I mean, why should I apologise if a girl hits on him heavily? Didn't comment… And, he didn't comment, at least not in my hearing.

 

My lover isn't around. And, me and the kitchen have this strange repellent chemisty. So, the in-law is doing the necessary. Which is kind of odd.

Oh, you don't know our culture….

It is odd. At least I think so.

In lieu of cooking, I will take him out. Saves me blushes!

 

[This was written last night. I have just woken up late morning, refreshed. But, why not post it?]

 

gug

Grumble, Grumble

How is it possible to blog and do other things?

Sometimes it is possible. Sometimes it is not.

The blog doesnt feed me... (Despite the Buturo 20 Million USD, which incidentally has not arrived. Yet. I have faith in the man. I am still waiting.)

I seem to be caught up doing some things which definitely relate to my persona as a gay man in Uganda, which I cannot blog about, but, which demand that I do the necessary.

That means, a brief leave of abscence.... Which of course I take the liberty to curtail whenever I feel the urge and itch.

gug

Sunday Morning, and, a letter to the Monitor

Sunday morning.

I notice when I get down to write on Sunday morning, that is what I tend to first write. A line in the soil around.

Saturday eve, I danced the day away in a bar.

Got to a point when the alcohol fueling the dance dullened perception. And, I chose to stand and appreciate the beauty of humans around me. Of course, it was not the females in their bright, scanty attires that drew my eye. Rather, the males, the men, in every guise and shape, some bright and shouting, some not so much, retiring into the shadows to look and gaze- some somewhere inbetween,  not so out happy, not so down dull. Somewhere in between.

Reminded me of Walt Whitman, ‘City of orgies, walks and joys…’

Poetry. Where would I have been without it?

It’s a sink for thought, a treasure, a guide to thought. The best is always good, but even the worst has that nugget of blessing to confer to my soul.

Back home late, it was bed for me. I embraced my love, and we made love, deeply, fevertly, completely. Good to always come home to a man, my love. Great to know that he is with me… It’s a completeness that cannot be replicated.

After a fulsome rest in the night, we were back at it…. So help me god, but we are young and eager. What better time to indulge all our senses?

And afterwards, tiring of bed, I grabbed the book of poetry, and went to welcome the morning.

It rained yesterday.

And, in the early morning, the slanting sun rays, the gleams of sparkling dew on the green turgid grass. Kampala is never as beautiful to me as after rain, the days afterwards are always cooler, better, brighter, the air clearer of fog and smog.

Read a poem. Wrote a few. Watched men, boys, life streaming by the road.

It is beautiful. Of course it is, very beautiful.

Yet, there is work to do, and, that is what calls now, a siren call. The beauty of the day, its appreciation, it has for now to take a back seat, in the background, as I seek to know what more is in the world for me.

Sunday morning. I hope Ssempa is not showing hard core gay porn in his church today. No, I will not be bothered to go watch.

It is a very beautiful Sunday morning.

----

Now, for laughs. Remember when I told you that I had sent a cheeky letter to the Monitor about Ssempa's Porn Show in church?

Well, I did. I gayuganda. And, the Monitor has published it. I kid you not. Here is the e-paper link.

PORNO MATERIAL

I am a Ugandan who has been keenly follow- ing the debate about the Anti-Homosexuality Bill. I respect sane arguments for and against the Bill, but as an adult Ugandan, I am ap- palled that the debate has descended to the point that pornographic materials are being shown in churches by Pastor Martin Ssempa.

I know his intention is to show that gay sex is so bad that it should be banned.

But, porn is porn, whether shown in the film halls (bibanda) or at places of worship- churches and mosques.Pastor Ssempa has shown these porno- graphic materials at press conferences, at the Uganda National Theatre, and other public places. It is deeply disturbing that children are being exposed to this. It is disturbing that even though this is against the law, the Police and the Minister of Integrity and Ethics have turned blind eyes to it.

It is also shaming to the country when headlines like `Uganda Pastor shows Gay Porn in Church' appear in the international media, like it is on AFP as I write.

Concerned citizen

Yes, you have noticed it. My identity was too inflammatory. I identified myself as a gay Ugandan. The gay didnt skip the censors scissors. And, gug, gayuganda was also slashed out. Instead, I am a magnificent Concerned Citizen.


Have a great day!


from Concerned Citizen, gug. 

Ssempa's Infamy UPDATED 09 Mar 2010

The Man wanted attention. And, he has got it.

From Christians scratching their heads, to really, really puzzled non-believers shaking theirs. Now, I am no longer going to pick up all the fantastic press that he is receiving. I will just collate it at this blog post. If you want to read about Ssempa and his Gay Porn, in Church or elsewhere, why, go ahead and read. Some of the choicest are here..

Accolades for Ssempa keep on flowing in. Of course.
Here is another.

Martin Ssempa is a ssick motherfucker, even worse than Peter LaBarbera who probably has enough common sense, at least, not to show his porn collection in church to children.  Ssempa goes out of his way to find the freakiest pornography he can find and then claims that is what all gay men do.  It’s always about gay men.  Lesbians are thrown in as an occasional gratuitous mention of Hell-bound sinners, but the main focus of these perverts like LaBarbera and Ssempa is M-E-N.

If I had a million dollars, I would bet it all that Ssempa “screens” his laptop pornography collection in private with a bottle of lotion and a towel.  Then he bursts into prayers shouting “lord Jesus take this demon of homosexuality from me!”.  Then, it’s off to Parliament to “exterminate this evil from Uganda”, to deny Self, make himself “pure”, praise lord jee-zussss.

This pornography obsession of his makes me wonder … who was Ssempa seeing on the down-low while in the U.S.?  Think about it — how much more perfect could it be for him to pull it off while in the States, while loudly preaching against it?  Ted Haggard ring a bell?  I wonder: could Ssempa account for all his time here, if confronted about it?

There is absolutely no reason for Ssempa to be collecting and showing pornography unless he is getting his jollies from it.  I don’t even watch the stuff; I just have no interest in it or the need to.  Ssempa claims he must show this to show “what all gays do in bed” … first, that is not what all gays do; secondly, every fetish he loves to show can also be found in heterosexual pornography.  He will not talk about the “perverted” things that heterosexuals do in bed … or lesbians, so much.   Ssempa and LaBarbera types are only interested in gay male sex because it turns them on.

Doing the Lord's Work

Pooh-poohing Pastor Martin Ssempa

February 22nd, 2010, by Mike Tidmus

Move over, Porno Pete. Homo-hating, gay porn aficionados around the globe have a new reigning diva. Martin Ssempa is his name and, apparently, scatological fixation is his game.

The poo-obsessed Ugandan pastor first graced this blog back in connection with pop-pastor Rick Warren’s duplicitous claims about his involvement with AIDS in Uganda — specifically Ssempa likes to burn condoms in the name of Jesus Christ and, according to author and journalist Michelle Goldberg, offers faith-healing to disease-stricken congregants.

The high-priest of gay-porn, it seems, will have none of anything that smacks of the gay and Ssempa wants all the world, including children, to get a close-up and personal look at what two dudes might or might not do in the sack. For Ssempa, dehumanizing gay people by reducing them to their sex organs and/or acts is not beyond the pale, because the pastor is dementedly convinced that he’s doing the Lord’s work.

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I witnessed Ssempa and a dozen pastors place their hands on the head of David Bahati, the MP who introduced the bill. I watched as they "consecrated" him to "rid Uganda of homosexuals." Calling feverishly for Jesus to save the world from homosexuality, Ssempa projected bizarre pornographic images on a screen in the church. He described and demonstrated the pictured s & m acts in great detail before an audience of several hundred, causing women to fall off their chairs weeping and clawing the air, and children sitting stone like in their chairs. During his demonstration which depicted the eating of feces, penises, bondage and fisting, children in the church were forced to watch. Ssempa demonstrated the acts with his hands and mouth.

 Ssempa is a permanent resident of the United States of America.

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The church that has become known as the Ugandan gay porn church 

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Martin Ssempa is a pastor in Kampala, Uganda who has sparked a controversy that stretches worldwide. He is an advocate for making those that participate in gay sexual activities, criminals. In an effort to further his anti-gay support, he included several gay pornography videos and pictures during his church service on Wednesday. He gave verbal descriptions of each act presented in the videos and pictures to ensure the viewers were thoroughly appalled.

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Why would someone use these radical measures is simply baffling, to say the least. Equating homosexuality with a pornographic rendering of sexual activity is dishonest and mentally sick. Would he portray heterosexuality the same way?

The situation in Uganda is extreme, but it somehow reflects the general position of those who so vehemently repudiate homosexuality. They tend to concentrate on the sex side of it. It makes me wonder if that is all heterosexuals think about when they fall in love, the sex. Maybe it is. Maybe heterosexuals are so obsessed with sex, they project it on everyone else (no, I don't really think this way, I'm just trying to make a point).

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I love this quote.

But Ssempa is unrepentant. He said, “In Africa, what you do in your bedroom affects our clan, it affects our tribe, it affects our nation. We are in the process of legislation and we have to educate ourselves about what homosexuals do.”

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Explaining his decision to display the images, Ssempa said it was necessary to educate people "about what homosexuals do".  

Here is Earnest Bazanye.

Movie night at Church

February 18, 2010

Pastor Mar’n Sempa is known not just in Uganda, but all over the world as one of the leading entertainers in the field of homophobia. Other homophobes are blatant and simple, but not Sempa—Sempa is an acrobat, a maestro, a man who wields his hatred as an abstract artist wields his brush. That is to say, often you will not understand the details of what is being portrayed, or why or how or even if at all, but you get the general point.

Now, you don’t get to the top by being complacent. You have to constantly find new ways to practice. Innovation is essential for survival in his profession, and that’s what Sempa is really good at.

This week he astounded us all by revealing a move that is as audacious and stunning as whatever the hell that shit was Picasso used to do.

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We are still updating this. And, this one is dated 25 Feb, 2010. From the dear Observer's Analyst.

You know, I laughed so much reading this, that I did fail to find one word to deduct from it. Great reading!
Porn coming to a church near you

Written by The Analyst Wednesday, 24 February 2010 18:30

KAMPALA, February – Thousands of believers and non-believers alike are flocking to Makerere Community Church following reports that gay pornography screenings have become part of Sunday worship.

According to the BBC, anti-gay activist, Pastor Martin Ssempa has been screening gay porn in his church ostensibly to drum up support for his anti-gay crusade.

This makes Makerere Community Church the only place in Uganda where watching pornography is “legal”. According to Uganda’s laws, even mere possession of pornographic material is a crime.

It would appear that Makerere Community Church has got a special license to show porn. Moreover, perhaps following Jesus Christ’s example of welcoming children, even kids can watch porn at Makerere Community Church.

A source who went to watch a “normal” film at Cineplex at Garden City on Sunday was surprised to find himself alone in the cinema. He too abandoned Cineplex and rushed to Makerere Community Church when a friend sent him an SMS saying that a “sexy film of people doing things” was showing there.

However, some people who attended the Ssempa pornography screening complained that the good pastor has “poor taste”.

“I am now convinced the man is a pastor. Is that the best gay porn he could find? I was waiting to see lesbians doing it but where, he only showed men!” complained a member of the congregation.

He said he would speak to the pastor to “balance up things” by showing lesbian sex, as well as heterosexual sex.

“If I am going to choose between gay sex and straight sex, I need to compare and contrast,” he said.

Some people, however, were happy that they now know what homosexuality is all about.
“I can’t wait to get home and try it out. The men in the movie really seemed to be enjoying themselves,” one member of the congregation told The Analyst.

Meanwhile, sources in religious circles say that many churches, fearing that they might lose their congregations to Pastor Ssempa’s church, are scrambling to import their own pornographic movies.

“Pastor Ssempa has showed us a whole new way to attract followers,” one priest told The Analyst, adding that once the blue movies arrived, he would rename his church “Kampala Miracle Cinema”.

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You would think it is only Christians who would be embarrassed by Pastor Ssempa's antics. You are wrong. Even Moslems are flabbergasted. And, it was really a first. The porn in Church!

Here is the article, from Islamic News

In the Christian Church of Uganda has shown homosexual porn


News February 25, 2010 – 3:34 am


Christian community of Uganda protest against the “educational” shows in the churches of pornographic films about homosexuals.


The head of the national team against sodomy Pastor Martin Ssempa decided to show the video “the life of gays’ right in the churches.


Pastor Ssempa showed a film in front of hundreds of Christians in the church, located in the suburb of Kampala. The film shows the homosexuals who have sex.


The head of the Anglican Church of the country named John Kapetva show such films in the churches “outrageous”. “Unbelievably, the pastor of the films shows Christians in a church. Most of us do not support homosexuality, and we believe that the Christian church – not the place to show their dirty acts, “he said.


A Muslim leader in eastern Uganda, Sheikh Abdul Tvavula said, that all religions should respect the “house of God.” He also believes that “Ssempa was not supposed to show these films in the Church».


Roman Catholic priest, Father Richard Mudzhumba said to his knowledge, this is the first demonstration of pornographic films in the Church . “Throughout my life I have never heard anything like it. Head of the Church must always think twice before taking any steps. I condemn such a demonstration video in the Church ».


However, the pastor Ssempa defends his actions. In his opinion, “the majority of Ugandans do not know what they do gays. It is very important to tell them about what really happens when gay men retreated to the bedroom. People need to know what dirty things are happening in the bedrooms of homosexuals ».


Ssempa said that no one can protest against what he knows. “Ugandtsy need to know what gay people to have a reason to support the bill against homosexuality” – quotes the pastor IA “Nyuslend”.

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And, the first is the most hilarious.

Celebrating Ash Wednesday

The social committee of a church in Uganda has organised a new line in entertainment. Social Affairs Secretary Mrs Trellis, of Idi Amin Street, Kampala, said:

We have never had such a popular response to one of our socials. We charged a modest fee at the door, so that we can carry on getting new material. We can go from strength to strength, with rippling muscles and pointing ahead firmly.

It is a unique line of Christian entertainment: gay porn that attracted some 300 people, as many as could fit into the room without getting the film on the back of their heads and annoying everyone else.

The first film was Dennis Does Kampala, in which a local man realises he can impregnate half of the city before the police gets to him. The second film was Gobble His Lolly, in which a man hooked on ice creams on a stick finds his vocation with an ice cream salesman and prefers his stick to his lollies.

Ugandans not used to this sort of thing were said to have left the screening full of conversation about techniques and one or two might have been traumatised. "I had no idea," said Billy, "but I have now." Bobby said, "I always thought Saturn Uranus were far out in our galaxy, not here in Kampala."

Mrs Trellis said:

We are showing these films for Lent, as a way of people self-sacrificing their sensitivities. Next week we will meditate and contemplate on a film about immigrants, Back Door for Nigerians: Coming in Uganda.

Pastor Martin Ssempa was present and even commentated through the screening, and then accused an unknown Mr Obama of America for wanting to sell him and other Ugandans this material, when Mrs Trellis can obtain it far more cheaply and easily. Pastor Ssempa said it would likely increase his notoriety further and increase the size of his congregation, although he admitted that 'congregation' might be a euphemism.

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I love this one. Its brevity says it all.

Goodness Gracious. What a moron.

The comment stream, from Ugandans, is interesting, to say the least. 

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How Do We Get a Ticket to Pastor Martin Ssempa's Gay Porn Slideshow?

In front of a crowd of 300 at an evangelical church in Kampala , Ssempa narrated the photo display. "This one is eating another man's penis," he breathlessly remarked. 

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Arrest him! No, it is okay, in a good cause. Parliament here we come!

"He (Pastor Martin Ssempa) should be arrested because he is promoting pornography," the leader of gay and lesbian rights group Sexual Minorities Uganda, Julian Pepe, said.

"The fact that he showed this film to people below 18 years means he has committed a crime."

But Ssempa defended showing the pornographic film to over 300 people in his church on the outskirts of Kampala.

"If you promote homosexuality, you are bringing a curse," he told said. "Uganda is in the process of debating legislation against homosexuality but you need to give information to the people so that they know the behavior that will be regulated."

"We are not going to stop there, but will move to parliament to show the same film," he added.

The pastor using pornography to fan the flames of gay hate in Uganda, Africa.

The congregation was bigger than normal this week at the Christianity Focus Centre in Kampala. Perhaps numbers had been swelled by the prospect of an unusual kind of show-and-tell fast becoming the mainstay of the Martin Ssempa roadshow.

Uganda’s “passionate pastor”, as he calls himself, had revelations to share with the 200 or so men, women and children who turned up on Wednesday. His ambition to mark the week with a “million-man march” in support of a parliamentary Bill to further criminalise homosexuality had fallen flat over security concerns. But he had a sideshow quite capable of causing a stir in itself.”

The major argument homosexuals have is that what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is nobody’s business,” the squat, shaven-headed preacher said. “But do you know what they do in their bedrooms?”

Why the village people dont play Kampala.

First, however, I want to pose a hypothetical question: If you showed up for church one Sunday, and the priest (or reverend or rabbi or imam or whoever) showed the congregation some gay pornography, what would you think?

Maybe you'd think it was great, and you'd tell your friends, and they'd start going to that church with you each week in the hopes of seeing more. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Chances are, though, that instead you'd wonder why someone would show gay porn at church. I know that would probably be my first reaction. Actually, my first reaction would be to get up and leave, but after that I'm sure confusion would set in, and I'd wonder why God wanted me to spend my Sunday morning watching men having sex with each other. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume most of you would be similarly befuddled.....

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The Baraza in Kampala, Uganda

The forum? I was there. And, I was tweeting it.

But, for reasons beyond my control, I actually failed to report on it. But, there is an excellent report here. Including one, ahem, ahem mp, who proudly said he would kill his son if he was a homosexual. Odonga Otto. Clearly a very disturbed human being.

MP Odonga Otto at the forum

At a human rights forum held Friday morning in Kampala, a Ugandan Member of Parliament said he would kill his son if he discovered he was gay.

The MP, Otto Odonga, was immediately denounced by the forum's keynote speaker, Makau Mutua.

 Makau Mutua

"I am baffled by the kind of hatred you spew against gay people," Mutua said, "including your desire to be a hangman. Would you apply to be a hangman if the person to be hanged were your son?"

When Odonga nodded yes, Mutua said, "There is something deeply wrong with you."

The forum, titled Human Rights and Sexual Orientation, made it clear that many Ugandans do not yet believe that homos are entitled to human rights. The country's MPs are getting set to debate a law that would impose the death penalty on people who engage in gay sex more than once.

"Human rights are not sacrosanct," Odonga said. "Private parts do not belong in the anus. We will not accept this kind of deviant behaviour in our society."

Another MP, Christopher Kibanzanga, angrily spoke out against the "vice" of homosexuality. He asked, "Who are bisexuals? What do they do? Has it just been imported into Africa?"

 Chistopher Kibazanga, MP. Images from Xtra

Most members of the audience — made up of about 80 students, academics, politicians and NGO leaders — appeared to be of sane mind when it comes to sexuality.

MP Christopher Kibanzanga angrily spoke out against the "vice" of homosexuality. He asked, "Who are bisexuals? What do they do? Has it just been imported into Africa?"(Benedicte Desrus / Sipa Press)"Anal sex is not only practiced by homosexuals but also by heterosexuals," said Rubaramira Ruranga, the director of NGENT, a local HIV/AIDS organization. He also disputed the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are somehow un-African. "When I was young," he told the crowd, "I saw men having sex with men in my small village, out in the bush, as we went hunting."

One of the morning's other speakers, Solome Nakawesi-Kimbugwe, said that Uganda — one of the world's poorest countries — should deal with economic issues. "Let's put our priorities where our problems are," she said. "As Ugandans, what we want are laws that are relevant. Homosexuality is not a problem for us."

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But it was her co-presenter, Mutua, who stole the show when he attacked the anti-gay arguments of the two politicians. (Organizers said there were a couple of other MPs in the audience, but they remained quiet.)

Mutua, the chair of Kenya's Human Rights Commission, tore into the MPs as if he was a judge passing sentence onto criminals.

"It's important that we all try to expose ourselves to knowledge, to keep on growing," Mutua said. "People who express extremist views are, in my view, always the ones who have read the least."

The Harvard-educated lawyer went on to liken the MPs' arguments against human rights to comments made by slave owners in the American Civil War. "The kind of speech you made against gay people was the kind of speech that white segregationists were making all over America. Those arguments are classic. They have been reproduced in every era by every segment of society. You didn't invent them."

Mutua went on to say he believes that countries like Canada would be justified in holding back on foreign aid if MPs pass the anti-gay bill. "There are consequences to being a member of the international community," he said. 

And, what can I say but amen to that.

I just wish more MPs were there. In the kind of calm, collected atmosphere Mutua created, divorcing it from the hate smogged outpourings of the rallies, it was instructive. Odonga Otto simply didnt have any answers. He saw it. He knew it. And he walked out.... I had predicted on twitter that he would not dare speak again....!

And, one thing. The reporter did a very good job, but to say that we homosexuals said nothing would not be really right. First, Val Kalende delivered an emotional speech.
Then, there was this lady who dared to say that she had never had an orgasm with the many men that she had slept with. And, that the first time she slept with a woman....! (I bet Ssempa would have loved to be there and film that!, Oooops!)
And, I did stand up and speak. Of course not as gug. Why should I? My closet is wide open, and it just needs a little nudge to come out and flower. But, that was not the forum....

The Ssempa fascinating Crusade

UPDATE
A fascinating all round look at the Most Fascinating Martin Ssempa, from the Independent of UK

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Lets see,

Get a Priest, a 'man of god' on a mission. Make that mission 'anti-homosexuality' (and, he has gotten awards for it in Uganda)- of course that is Ssempa.

Give him a fascination for all the 'icky' things that happen with gay sex.

You have a fascinating crusade. A very fascinating crusade.

Now, get a blase world, that is concerned with many things, from the earthquake in Haiti, to the nuclear standoff in Iran. To flavour the topic, and, the desire for the 'man of god' for attention, let us introduce gay porn. Yes, porn.

Let the priest show it. He does get attention.

When he shows it in church....! Oh well, Fame at last. At very long last, fame and fame and fame.

The only real problem is that Tiger Woods is coming out to tell us all that happened at the accident. That might dazzle the world....

But, A priest, gay porn, in Church....

Add in minors, children to watch the porn. All in the name of God, of course. And, the priest being Pastor Ssempa, a defiance that turns logic into illogic. The end is to make sure that Ugandans reject Ugandan homos. The means.... Why, simple. Show them gay porn!

But, the people that Ssempa is hunting are now also baying for his blood. Arrest him. Well, they do have a point. Not only is what Ssempa doing against the new bill, it is against the law of the land. For some reason, the Minister of Ethics and Integrity [ahem, ahem] seems extra silent on that. The police? The Inspector General of Police was chatting with him on Monday this week, deciding on whether or not to hold the Million Man March..... So, they are very cosy there. Maybe that is why the 'man of god' is getting away with breaking the law?

Ugandan activists on Thursday called for the arrest of a pastor who screened gay porn in his church in an attempt to drum up support for legislation that could see some gay people given the death sentence.

"He (Pastor Martin Ssempa) should be arrested because he is promoting pornography," the leader of gay and lesbian rights group Sexual Minorities Uganda, Julian Pepe, said.

"The fact that he showed this film to people below 18 years means he has committed a crime."

But Ssempa defended showing the pornographic film to over 300 people in his church on the outskirts of Kampala.

"If you promote homosexuality, you are bringing a curse," he told said. "Uganda is in the process of debating legislation against homosexuality but you need to give information to the people so that they know the behavior that will be regulated."

This is a war of morals. But, we obviously have different takes on what morality is. The Pastor, and the Gay Activists. Who is who here?

Gay rights activists questioned Ssempa's sanity.

"You cannot screen pornographic material to your followers and then want to argue that you are upholding society's morals," Monica Mbaru, from the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, told the news service.

"I think we are dealing with someone who needs medical help," she added.

Obama called the measure "odious."
Excuse me, Mr President. But, I think it is the Pastor here who is really, really, unquestionably 'odious'

And wait. You know what the man of god is going to do in his quest for a homosexual free Uganda?

Christians, from around the world, are really, really disturbed. I am sorry guys, I do know, and understand that Martin Ssempa has his own demons. But, he has come for our lives. And, we have to hit him, and hit him hard. Very, very hard. This odious man needs to be fully exposed to the blistering gaze of the world. He needs help. But first, the world needs to see him for what he is. We shall expose him. Of course, that needs very little help from us. Because he does all the stunts.

Here is one incensed Christian. And, others. And, wonder of wonders, the guy did this on a Holy day for Christians. Ash Wednesday.

Oh yes, he did. Ash Wednesday, the start of the Lent Period for Christians, and, he is asking his *** to give him the gift of the bill becoming law by Easter, the end of the Lent season. Odious? You dont start to doubt it.

But, of course some people are having fun. Like me... I cant stop laughing. I mean, I know this is serious stuff, but!!!!! What a farce. If you are into fun, here is a piece to rock you. Indeed, Celebrating Ash Wednesday, in Uganda. If you are not really seriously ill with Ssempa's antics.

Oh,

by the way, this morning, I was at a quite instructive Baraza, or Dialogue where a Kenyan Proffesor-.... No, he is the Law Dean at the New York State University Law School was talking to fellow Africans about homophobia.

MPs were invited. One MP, Odongo Otto, decided to unleash all his homophobia. And, dare I say, ignorance. That Law Dean took the guy apart, very, very nicely.

Shows that anger does not do so much like careful, well reasoned arguments.

And, to the argument that, how dare they tell us in Africa what to do? The guy cooly answered, I am an African, a Kenyan. And, you better remember that Uganda does not live on an island. And, we do have international obligations. And, if Uganda decides to treat some of her citizens like this, then, who do you expect to give you money for free?

Needless to say, reason prevails, or shuts stupidity up.

gug

Gay in Africa

 

What is it to be gay in Africa?

 

Tough of course. How else can it be?

Being trans, knowing from child hood that you are different. The monica boy-girl. Curious, cruel, from fellow children. Who know nothing, but that they would never ever like to be like you. Or, going through puberty, and the time of surging hormones, and discovering that you are different in your objects of desire. Or, later in life, having successfully gone the conventional road, and, discovering that which is not so often trod.

 

The confusion is personal.

The knowledge that you are indeed different. The desire, the drive to be more or less than what you are.

Do you hide it? What if, like a trans in Uganda, you can never hide it? And your playmates, your mates just know you are gay and different without having to ask? When those in the know, older and more world wise, are very willing to take advantage of the emotions that you cannot hide, that you believe that you can, and are written on your face, in your stride, all down the street?

Boy-girl, man-woman. A man who is a woman, and unable to be different…

 

What is it to hear scorn poured out on you at all hours, in all seconds, minutes of the day?

Some of us hide. Very successfully. We hide through adolescence, when the hormones are high and surging, when the thoughts are confused, and the appeal of our friends and mates matters more than anything else. When the one thing that we would never want to be, is that dreaded word, different?

 

We hide. And seek mates, of the opposite sex.

We get children early, to show, to make our world believe that we are different. Or we run away and hide from everything that would dare remind us of how different we are.

But, we cannot hide away from ourselves.

 

Our doctors deal with all sorts of problems of ours-

and we never, ever dare to say that we know the problem. That we are different.

 

Where do you seek for help?

The government? Politicians make lots of capital, bashing us. Even when they know different, even when they know that all that they are after are the votes, or the populace occupied with something that does not really matter…

 

the Church, the Mosque-

they are the worst. From pulpits, that seem holy, despite the words of hate and venom pouring out of the mouths of the preachers.

Does anyone ever think of the fact that we are spiritual beings?

Definitely not the Church in Africa. The political capital to be made by loudly shouting and drowning out any words of reason is too great to ignore. And, the scriptures, those holy words written eons ago, they have fixed the brains, even those unborn. They have to be believed. And, they say, stone. Throw the stones, make the whole world know how holy and special you are. Throw the stones.

 

When preachers hold us in contempt, inside and outside the confessional-

when the crowds gather, and are ready to laugh in contempt, to cry and howl for blood- when the mere rumour of 'marriage' will bring out the preachers to 'Operation Gays Out'-

What toll does that have on us?

 

One thing that we are is, resilient.

We are gay. And, for eons, we have had the same trial by fire.

We drop on the way. We believe we can change. We embrace the preachers of shame and hate like they are our straw in the midst of the sea of change. They rape our minds, they destroy our bodies, they force the self hatred inside.

 

And we still survive.

We are, resilient. We are tough.

Oh, inside us is the seed of rebellion. The fight that will surprise those of us who are not what we are. The need to stand out against the stream. Forced, defiant, stubborn. To affirm who we are, despite the corruption, those who would overtly and covertly take care of us, in words, deeds, and the silence of shame.

 

Few will understand the healing power of desperation, when we accept who we are. When we stand up and fight, and say, enough is enough.

Then, not even the winds of the hurricane of genocide will stand in the way. Not the lies that are so often, so blatantly said of us. We affirm that they are lies, and we go out to fight, with nail and tooth, with blood and water.

 

Our weapons are few and blunt. But, our asset, the basic humanity of our being, that is strong, and real.

 

We are, Gay, in Africa.

 

We shall overcome.

gug