Monday, November 30, 2009

Full Moon

The moon is huge, full outside. In a sky that is touched by its silvery light, soft darkness.

I am seated at home. Just finished a big supper. Full, sated. Happy.
We had a visitor, a friend. He has escorted him. And, I have just come in.

The day has been turbulent for me. Emotions edgy, brittle; I found that I was too incensed by bill related things.
I have to admit, I am human. And, I am doing lots of pulling and pushing. Far above my capacity. That is what is wrong with causes. One can be so completely absorbed that one forgets to live.

So, today, even though the Monitor had the reaction to the bill as front page news, I didn’t post it. It was a defence, of Uganda under attack, by foreigners. Normally, I would have been my cutting self. This time, I felt exhausted, on a Monday morning, with an uphill fight that I am convinced I cannot win.

Yet I fight, because I must. Lying down to die is not an option.

A meeting in the morning. World AIDS Day tomorrow, I missed an interview. But, I judged that at that moment, resting and replenishing my body was the thing to do.
Was still stringed up and high in the evening.
Took out my book of poetry, was reading, meditating on the poem In The Post Office’ by Thom Gunn.

It lifted me out of the rut.

It is a poem about life, love and death, the death of a loved one, and it is about AIDS. A gay man’s love for another man.
I was fascinated. I am fascinated by Gunn. It is the way he writes, simply, rhythmically, pouring emotion into the words, making a simple story fascinating, worth reading again and again, trying to move with him on the sea of his emotion. I found myself dwelling on the rhythm, on the words, on the flow, pacing up and down our lawn.

Dusk found me there, and then I noticed the moon, rising gloriously bright and sharp in a cloudless sky. The night is beautiful.
I am in Kampala, but, not so long ago, there were lots of trees here. Some remnants of that greenery is, even now. And, I ended gazing up at the moon, like a wolf, ready to howl, to sing in ecstasy at the beauty of the night, express my own appreciation at what the world is.

Before such naked beauty, such abundance of beauties, my puny concerns pale. Almost disappear.

hope you had a good day.

I plan to hold my love in my hands throughout the night!


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